Thanksgiving... When Turkeys Hide

                Turkeys are Going into Hiding.

                It must be Thanksgiving again.
I saw this funny sign yesterday, and it made me think of all that must go thruogh a Turkey's mind in the weeks coming up to Thanksgiving. (And Then I stopped, and looked carefully at the rest of the sign, which featured the Hash House Thanksgiving Dinner menu... The Hash House is just twisted enought to actually possibly serve Ostrich... But they are sticking with Turkey this time.)

Thanksgiving is a time when we are supposed to be thankful for all the wonderful blessings in our lives. Not many Turkeys make it through unharmed, and only those very creative ones can be thankful that they outsmarted the Pilgrim and did not become dinner.

Sure, we all have various traditions that seem to revolve around Thanksgiving. Some celebrate just the fact that they get to spend it with people they have not seen in ages. Some are thrilled they get a four-day weekend from work. Some spend as much time and energy avoiding their family get togethers as some do trying to get those avoiding it to join them. There are so many things connected with Thanksgiving I could choose to write about. In fact I have written about one of my Favorite Thanksgivings already. You can read that one here.

This year, I want to focus on what it takes to survive, as a Turkey in the season when they are so valuable. I am sure that in the early days, it was not so hard for a Turkey, since they were pretty much wild, and it was purely luck and fate that determined if they became dinner, or if they remained to live another season. Once they became caged, fenced or otherwise contained, it made escaping the platter a bit more of a challenge.

Of Course there is the Classic try to get another farm animal to be the intended target...

Or a Turkey could attempt to wear a disguise....
















There are numerous ways Turkeys have managed to survive Thanksgiving over the years.
A few years ago, I had the opportunity to get really creative with my fence in a very large apartment complex where I happened to live and also work... To say I took advantage of my position and used the fence for my own joy is a bit of an understatement. But in all fairness, (and much to The Owner's Chagrin) all the tenants loved the fun I added.

My first Thanksgiving in that place, this is what I created:





Yup! An Acme Instant Cow Disguise Kit... Complete with a bucket of Cow Paint.

The next year, not liking to repeat the same thing twice, this was my creation:





This time it was an ACME Instant Pumpkin Disguise Kit.
Yup! You probably noticed the Confuzzled Pilgrim peeking over the fence in each, trying to figure out how and where his Thanksgiving dinner disappeared to.

As You enter into this Thanksgiving week, may you successfully avoid any hazards that you wish to not be part of. May you also find plenty to be Thankful for. If you should decide you need help in either creating a disguise, or in avoiding the family... or even if you just want help in finding something to be thankful for. I am always willing to help. I consider myself a master of all the above.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!!

Have You Played In The Mud? :)

Have You Played in The Mud Recently?

Or a Better question: Have You Ever Played in the mud?

And Even more important: have you ever played in the mud naked… and have you done it as an adult?

So, You might ask Why I am writing now as a 45-year old about Playing in the Mud naked?
Well, I too have fallen into the trap of having mostly stopped playing in the mud. A Couple months ago, I finally played naked in the mud again. It was not planned, nor had I even thought I might. The opportunity just happened to present itself.

~~~~ Just a word of caution. In many of the following pictures, I am Visibly Naked. Yup, I am a nudist, and not one-bit ashamed of who I am. There is nothing shameful about The Human Body, Nor is Simply Naked in any way sexual, obscene, or in any way considered taboo. Simply naked is not at all illegal, but for some reason many people have the belief that it is. (look up the laws for yourself). If you cannot see naked without making it somehow sexual, or obscene, then by all means, don’t look. If you are offended by the beauty of how we were created, then please do yourself a favor, and go back into your hiding place. I live an open life as a nudist. I do not break any laws, or in any way do anything indecent, obscene, or lewd.  If by chance, you are not sure if naked offends you, or you might be curious, and want to look in a safe environment, then please do! Come, read, look… and do as the Name of my Blog suggests: “Enter With An Open Mind, Or Closed Eyes”. You have the option to look, and see what you are comfortable with. You might just find that somehow naked is not as offensive as you have been taught. You might even find it quite funny!~~~~~

Mud and Paint are Joyous!

Play in the Mud

I am sure most people have had the thrill and freedom of having played in the mud… As a Child. But when is the last time you allowed yourself the freedom to really play? Also, Have you only done it with clothes on? Imagine how much you are missing. Clothes create a barrier, and an awkwardness that does not allow the skin to truly feel its surroundings.

Ok, think about this for a brief moment: When we have finished showering, we will apply lotions, oils, powders, etc to our skin, right?  You notice how every molecule of those items feels against your skin, and you can feel how your skin reacts, even how your cells below the skin react. It is a delightful experience. You would not dream of putting lotions, oils, or powders on your clothes, with the hopes that it would eventually feel good against your skin. So, why would you wear clothes when playing in the mud? Heck, the same goes for when you play in any substance. Take water, sand, snow, sunshine, wind. Anything you want to experience and feel against your skin.

Clothing does have a purpose, and that is simply Protection. But let me ask you: What are you needing protection from in nature? Sure, you would wear clothes to keep warm, but you also would not be playing in the mud, sunshine, water, wind, or snow if you were not comfortable, right? When you wear clothes in these substances, it actually creates problems. Yep, you read that right. Clothes create problems when you are in a natural environment.

One of the funniest comments I hear from people is “But what if ____ (fill in the blank) gets in sensitive areas?” Of Course It WILL Get In! But it will also get in while you are wearing clothes. And That is where the problems begin. With clothes, the nature gets in, and then is caught, rubbed, and irritated against your “sensitive bits”.  Think about it. When you are hot, and wearing clothes, you sweat. The wet clothes then rub, stick, and make you extremely uncomfortable. If you get sand inside your swimsuit (and You always will), it is sooo uncomfortable, itchy, and causes rashes. If you get snow inside your clothes it gets wet, you get cold and miserable, and cannot get warmth. If you get mud in, or on your clothes, it is impossibly uncomfortable, messy, and does not feel good one bit. Even swimming, people wear clothes, and it is never easy to swim with material flapping about, and of course once you are out of the water, it is uncomfortable while it dries, causing your skin to be clammy, sticky, and irritated. Clothing is only designed for protection, but for some odd reason, humans have decided to cause themselves harm because they wear clothing. Sure any of these substances get into “sensitive areas” while naked… But they also do when you are clothed. How much you enjoy the experience is totally dependent on your choice of attire.

I bet you smile! :)

To truly feel, and experience mud, naked is the only way. Think about it for a moment. Why is playing in the mud so delightful? Because it FEELS different than anything else we allow to touch our skin. Mud has the energy of The Earth, and Textures that cannot be matched by any other substance. The Earth has endured more history, and more life than any of us Humans can possibly understand in our limited time as living beings.  The Earth and all its natural elements are designed to energize all living things. Some elements are designed to take away bad energy from us, and some are designed to give good energy so we may thrive and get the most out of our lives.

Yup! My Muddy Butt.. and it is happy! :)

Sometimes Mud changes what we see :)

Mud, or Earth is one of those substances that is great for doing both giving positive energy, and taking away bad energy. Think about how plants, gardens and all living micro-organisms grow. They need contact with essential minerals, substances, and elements. Humans are no different. If we isolate ourselves from The Earth upon which we live, we choose to not be healthy, living in toxic environments.

So, with all this in mind, I gotta ask: Why have we decided playing in the mud is no longer acceptable once we are no longer children?

This is what Andrea looked up to see... She Smiled!

What is it about “growing-up” that somehow changes how anything that frees the mind, the soul, and allows you to truly experience life is no longer allowed? Why do we decide we have grown up, so we should not nourish the essential core of what we as living beings upon this Earth so much need?

I have met people who have never in their life ever played in the mud. They never played in the sand, or even the dirt. I am always a bit surprised to find that somehow people were never allowed to “feel” our Earth. This is something that comes naturally to every living being. We are born into this Earth, and our natural “instinct” is to be part of it. But someone tells us as little children whether that is, or is not acceptable, and we are trained to think the Earth and Nature are somehow forbidden.

I know that as a child I was allowed to play in the mud almost as often as I wanted. I had a lot of great freedoms, and learning experiences. I was not only allowed, but encouraged. I was given the freedom to Learn all I could about This Place we call home. Whether it was dirt, sand, water, wind, sun, snow, rock, vegetation, ANY Substance found naturally on This Earth, I was encouraged to play with and learn. (Not that anybody could have successfully ever stopped me, since I was so attracted to nature.) But not only was I encouraged, I was raised in an environment where the human body was not seen as offensive. Naked was hardly forbidden in my life as a child. As much as Mom had weird rules about when she “wanted to see us naked, or not”, we still had the freedoms to be naked A LOT. Even all our friends and  neighbors accepted and welcomed naked.

So, give us any dirt pile, and in no time, we would have converted it into mud, be completely naked, and love how nourishing, energizing, and wonderful Earth was. Often we started out wearing clothes (or sometimes Mom would try to have us wear underwear) but we knew how uncomfortable clothes made the experience. Also we understood it was all about Feeling the substance we were playing in, so any clothes we might have started in, were ditched in no time.

I had the opportunity to be in an Awesomely Muddy environment a couple months ago. I also was thrilled to have a great friend along and she totally loved seeing how I could find such joy and freedom as I let myself play, forget all the worldy rules, and get muddy from head to toe. Living in the Middle of The Mojave Desert, it seems Mud Opportunities would not present themselves often. Actually that is not true. It does rain often, and I frequently am out in The Wetlands where dirt and water are abundant.

I have had many opportunities, but like most of us, I just decided not to. Sometimes, I used the reason of “I did not want to get dirty”, or some other “Logic” we tend to use to convince ourselves to not do what we really need in life.  Usually the excuse I make for myself is “I Don’t want to get dirty”. That is my downfall. I am an uuber-clean-freak. And as much as I know I would absolutely love the mud, I tend to talk myself out of it because I just want to remain clean. Sad, I Know. I find I am more apt to allow myself to get dirty if I have a vehicle for transportation, instead of only walking or riding the bus. Even though, when ya play in the mud, there is always water nearby to clean up with, I still fall victim to my own desire to not be dirty.

I have many great memories as an adult where I have played in the mud. Each time I tell myself “I need to do this more frequently”. But I usually end-up going many years between mud experiences.  Ugh, I have become a “Normal Human”… Ha!

This most recent experience was one that was unique. My friend Andrea and I finally had the same day off that we could go and play. We decided if we ever got the chance, we would go to The Wetlands outside of Las Vegas. This day happened to be a rainy day, and it had rained for many days prior. When it rains in Vegas, it floods. Andrea was still totally excited to go play this day, and I was thrilled! So often if a friend and I plan to do something that friend almost always cancels. Especially if it rains. Andrea did not cancel, and even was excited to go experience what I would do anyway.

The Wetlands are the area where ALL water that flows through Vegas accumulates. It usually is a decent “river”, but after a flood, it is a raging torrent.  The water is usually clean, until it rains when it has all the stuff that has washed off the roads, and endless concrete jungle Vegas is known for. Usually after a rain, the water reeks of petroleum, is filled with trash, and is so nasty I will not even touch it. Usually after a rain, it is so Toxic, My senses are revolted to be anywhere near it. This time was different. It had rained for many days, even weeks. Vegas got more rain than they had in years. The wash (River) was higher than I had ever seen it, and it was hardly just “street runoff” flowing. This time it was literally liquid mud, and was carrying all the silt it was washing away from the earth instead of the junk from the surface. I was amazed at the smell this time. It did not smell toxic one bit. It smelled like Earth. It smelled like the richest soil, the most clean, life-giving substance upon which we live.

I was so excited to see this! I almost immediately stripped off most of my clothes and waded into it. OMIGOSH! It felt so awesome!! I could feel every grain of silt as it flushed past my bare feet and legs! This was truly Flowing Life! I Knew immediately I would get naked, and go completely into it! I only had to wait until I was across the river to strip.

We marveled at this awesome event for a while on this side of the flow, and slowly meandered across the bridge. Taking time to feel the energy of the raging waters below, understand what forces were at work, and become part of the environment. It was phenomenal! The energy was soo positive today!

You'd be smiling, too if you felt this!

I did strip completely, and allow myself to play in the mud. It was absolutely Amazing! Unfortunately, I also got cold and had to hurry to get warm. Even with getting cold, I would not have traded it for anything!

Yup! I clean up pretty good! :)

Oh, and you wonder if Andrea got muddy?... That would be for her to tell J

How about You? When was the last time you allowed yourself to play?

Many of the photos in this blog about mud were taken by Andrea. A Very Special Thanks to such a great friend who also is not ashamed to admit her love of naked, take and share photos that would have been a bit difficult with my own muddy hands. :)

Does Misery Love Company?

Does Misery Love Company?

I have so much on my mind lately.

I want to write about so many different topics, but there is not enough time in a week for them all. I am choosing to spend a wee-bit of time writing about something that is not so fun, positive, and uplifting. Why would I choose to write about misery? There is a slightly odd reason for it. I have sooo many hugely positive things happening all around me, and I have so many wonderful blessings that the joy and exuberance I am surrounded with is almost overwhelming, and it makes it hard for my mind to focus on one topic to write about. But there is one topic I feel I need to address for a brief moment, because it is important. Sad, and heart-wrenching, but important. I am not focusing on the negative because I enjoy it, or want to promote it. I am writing this simply to put it out there, and then I can move on, having said what needed to be said, and close that door. I can and will recognize a bad situation, and make the changes I need to completely remove myself from that path. I will choose a happy place over misery any day, if I have a choice.

Why am I bringing this topic up right now? Well, unfortunately I just had to remove myself from a very bad situation, and in the process the person I thought was my friend has turned my moving to safety as somehow a personal attack on her. Or, to quote her, she says “You kicked me hard when I was at my worst.” That is not the worst she has said, but it sums it up quite well. Two weeks ago, I left a very volatile situation and moved into a very safe place. In the process of moving out, I informed my friend of my intentions, and made sure to do nothing that was harmful. I just left without any scene, any anger, and as peacefully as possible, hurt, sad, and trying not to cry. Up until the moment I left, she was polite to me, and treated me as though our friendship was still as it always had been, with us both recognizing the reasons I moved having being in no way directed at her personally. I was sad to have to move, and thought she truly understood I moved to protect us both and keep a bad situation from getting worse. I cared about her, loved her, and was very happy to have called her a best friend. I was very sad that she chose to go down a path which she knew I could not and would not live with. She forced me to move. I did not want to. Plus in the process of my deciding to move, I learned that she had been evicted and wanted to hide that from me.

I am not writing this to in any way air dirty laundry, or to say she was a bad person. In fact quite the opposite. I have tried and tried to convince her how much I still like her, how much I still care, and that I would probably put myself in the same place all over again for her.  But I could not and would not just sit there and watch as she allowed herself to be destroyed by others who wanted only to harm her. She knew this from the day she met me, and those were the foundations for why she wanted me as a roommate. I was about to be between jobs, and she was wanting help making ends meet. We agreed that we could help each other out. We agreed on how our living environment would be, and agreed we would encourage each other to continue in positive directions. She liked the way I managed to steer bad things toward positive, and also how I never got surprises involving my financial situations. She liked how when I was around, she made decisions that helped her steer clear of some of her troubled past, and liked how she felt when she had the support in making those positive changes.

We both agreed positive and helpful was a great way to support each other. She was happy to be single and not have the troubles of a past boyfriend dragging her down anymore. She was happy to finally have an apartment with a real lease, instead of living month to month. She was happy to make this place her home for a very long time, and wanted my help in both affording the rent while her job cut hours and in keeping an environment she would not want to bring an ex back in if he came back around.  Of course I saw this as a win for everyone!

There is that old familiar saying: “Misery loves company”… But Recently I have made a new saying that fits better: “Misery Loves Miserable Company”.

What exactly does that mean? It is simple: most people when they are miserable will not enjoy it, and will find a way to remove themselves from that situation. But there are those few whose pride is so huge that when they find themselves in a miserable situation, they refuse to admit they can make changes to get out of it. Those who are afraid to admit they have made bad choices will seek to get others included in their misery. (That is the simple “Misery loves company”) But the complex part of it is, they are so miserable, they absolutely cannot stand to see others happy, and refuse to make the changes to make themselves happy. So, they will find happy people, and do everything possible to make that person as miserable as they are. There is a strange dichotomy that somehow encourages those who are miserable to actually join-up, and remain by those who are also miserable. They feel they are not alone when they cause others to suffer along with them. And strangely, even though these people have known happiness, peace, and the joys of living without misery, they seem to easily be attracted, and imprisoned by their own desire to join others similarly miserable.

But much to the surprise of the miserable one, they are often shocked that the happy one refuses to join the misery.

I also have come to the conclusion that those who choose to live in misery are often shocked by the events, or circumstances that happen “to them”. This is because they are so convinced they are somehow a victim, and people are always trying to attack, or do harm to them. They refuse to learn from past mistakes, and refuse to recognize how their own actions have been the cause of their current situation.  For them it is easier to blame others and complain about being a “victim” than it is to admit they have had a part in the way their life has gone. Usually when they have a “sudden” something occur that is now an “emergency”, it is simply because they chose not to address the situation when it first came up. For some reason, saying “I Can’t deal with this right now” is a common excuse when something is brought into their life that needs to be resolved. Then in another two weeks, month, or some time down the road, that problem suddenly is at its final stage, and only then will they react.  Usually these events revolve around money, or other legal issues. And there is always a pattern of what happened in the past happening repeatedly, yet it is always a “surprise”, because they refuse to see how their same behavior brings the same results.

I  too am guilty of this. I often find I will trust someone to the point that it bites me in the butt. Yup, I have made my share of mistakes, and I did the same thing with this most recent one. I am in no way perfect, I make mistakes, and I find I am “suddenly” having to fix them. This is actually a mistake I have made more times because I tend to take someone at their word when they say they want to make changes in their life, or that they will “never” allow a certain something to happen again. I also tend to be too forgiving, and allow people to do as they please, as long as they follow the one basic rule in life: Do Not Harm. That rule is fairly simple, yet very complex. Defining harm is not as easy as one might think. Do Not Harm. It means exactly that. It means harm no one, including one’s own self. But that is also where it gets complicated. At what point do I have the right to decide for another human what is actually harming them, when they are under the impression it is not? (or worse, they have decided they somehow deserve that harm, and will defend it.) Most people tend to get very defensive if someone suggests something they are doing is considered harmful. That also fall under the category of “Unless you somehow have guardianship or responsibility for another, you really cannot tell them what they can and cannot do.” This is where I will almost always make my mistakes. I will let another harm themselves as long as they somehow have convinced themselves it is not harmful. But Harm does not stop at simple levels. It manifests, and gets more harmful as time and habits allow. Then once the person realizes how harmful something is, it then becomes a matter of pride, ego, and defense of their own behavior, instead of wanting to stop and seek changes. At that point, I will need to take some sort of action to stop the harm. If I am unable to help that person, yet they insist on continuing, I am left with no other option than to remove myself from that scene,or end up in a fight if I remain, because then it crosses from not just them harming, or allowing harm, but then I also in harm’s way.

Yup, I have made my share of mistakes, and will openly admit them. I am not too proud to admit my mistakes. Heck, read any post in my Facebook, look through my pictures, or read any of my blogs. I make tons of mistakes. As we all do. The difference is when I create a problem, I will admit I screwed-up, and try to find a way to make it no longer a problem. I try to learn from my mistakes. One of those I have learned from is past bad situations where I stayed and would fight whatever was causing the problem.  At some point in my life I learned I did not need that. I learned that one day I would end up in jail. I learned I was always accused of “fighting dirty”, because I never lost a fight. Ever. (It is a fight! How could it be called dirty? Is there such a thing as a c;ean fight? Nope. Every fight is dirty.) I have sent many people to jail and the hospital because when I would get to the point of fighting, I did not go at a fight with simple idea that there would be two left “in the ring”. If I was forced to fight, I went with the idea that “This was going to end, and it will end now”.  I always fought knowing I had nothing to fear. I knew how the eternal battle of “Good versus Evil” always played-out. Good always wins. Period. The trouble is the ones fighting for bad never were smart enough to understand this, so they seemed to think they had a chance. They also were never smart enough to pay attention in school. There are three types of fights: Physical, Mental, and Spiritual. Winning any fight is simple if you understand what you are battling. A Physical fight is simply applying basic math and science, understanding how those principles are applied. Every move in a physical fight is all about doing the math, and knowing how to use the science.  A Mental fight is a battle where you are only needing to know more about the topic, and have a clear understanding of the topic. (unfortunately most egos do not readily admit they are outsmarted). There really nis never an end to  mental fight, because the one who is not really aware of all the facts is going to want to continue. A Mental battle can never really be "won" because the one who sees clearly waht the problem is can never convince the one who is clouded and confused. The one who has presented clearly the facts simply walks away, because they already see that the fight is over. The one whose ego is too big will keep trying to fight, not even noticing they change their story, and confuse themselves with each telling of a new version. They will tell everyone who will listen all about their view(s), and how wrong the other is, going on and on, thinking they are gaining the support of all who they tell, but only digging themselves in a deeper hole. Meanwhile the one who has already walked away just is sad that the other is making such a fool of themselves. It simply is a battle of “Right vs Wrong”, or about who has an unclouded view of what has happened. The one with a clear head will always walk away once it is done. The one who is clouded will think they are still in a battle. A Spiritual fight is one where two Spiritual forces are in a battle. For example, someone who is filled with God, and someone who is filled with a Demon, Devil, or any you choose to put in that place, or any two spiritual entities. If someone knows God, has faith and trusts in God, that is an extremely easy battle to win. It is the age-old tale of “Good Vs Evil”. Good Always wins. Period.  So, why have I always won every fight? Simple: I never approach a fight with the option of both walking out of “the ring”. The only reason to fight is to put an end to something that is not acceptable. I apply all three types to every fight. I fight with God in my spirit, soul, and body. I fight with the mental clarity of knowing what exactly the issue is about. I fight with full understanding and application of All principles of math and science. If I am forced to fight, I do not see an option for there ever to be another. It will be finished at that time. There will be no doubt it is over. It is bad enough I am forced to fight. I will Finish it, and never be placed in that position again. I will make sure there is nothing left to fight. Period. I hate fights. I absolutely hate them. I have learned, though that many people absolutely love fights, and will do almost anything to provoke a fight. Those people want an excuse for why someone is no longer in their life, rather than accepting that people move on for many reasons. The ones who seek a fight want to make the other person hate them so much that they will never come into their life again. 

So, what does the above paragraph have to do with learning from my mistakes? Simple: I have learned I have the option to remove myself BEFORE it gets to the point of a fight. Those who are seeking a fight will always find someone to fight with. I choose to no longer let me be the one they chose. I have learned when it is time to give up and walk away before it gets to that point. I have learned that even though I never lose, in many ways I have lost by allowing myself to be taken that far. That is why I left when I did. The mental fight had already been battled between my friend and myself. The physical and spiritual fights were about to happen between me and the ones she allowed to harm her. I decided I was done as soon as the mental battle had begun. I hoped that my leaving would end the mental battle, and she would accept peace. I left before the other batlles decided to force themselves on me.  I made the mistake of allowing it to get to the point that even a mental battle occurred. I also made the mistake of allowing myself to remain as long as I did once I saw there would in fact be any sort of harm, and any sort of fight. Yes, I could have stayed. Yes I could have fought to finish this. But that would have meant I destroyed the one who was causing the harm. (and  that would have destroyed my friend, since she wanted to defend his behavior) I no longer wish to destroy someone when they will take care of that all by themselves. The one causing the harm was already destroying himself, and my friend was already allowing herself to be destroyed, So I recognized I needed to remove myself, allow them to destroy only whose who are willing to go down that road, and get myself to safety. I hoped I was able to preserve the relationship I had with my friend by removing myself.

There is an old story about Faith in God that came to my heart. I told it to her, thinking it had come to me for her to hear. This is the story:

A Man is in his house, and it is surrounded by flood waters. A woman comes along in a rowboat and offers him a ride to safety. He waved her off proclaiming “My God will save me.” Once the water were high enough that he was forced into the second story of his home, he saw a rescue team come by in a big rescue boat. They tried to get him to come into their boat for safety. He again denied the rescue, stating “My God will rescue me.” Once the waters were as high as his roof, he was clinging to the very last brick at the top of the chimney. A Rescue helicopter came to pluck him to safety. He refused to climb in, again saying “My God will not let me down. He will Save Me.” The helicopter went away. The man was swept away in the flood, and as he drowned, he asked “God, Why did you not save me?” God replied “I came three times. Each time you denied me.”

My friend’s response to this was “I’ve heard that story before”.

That was a hard reality for me to grasp. It hit me hard that she has no desire to be rescued from the flood. In just two short months I lived with her, I saw her literally rescued three times from each situation she was struggling with. Each time, she chased down the thing that was destroying her, and brought it right back into her home. It was then that I noticed she thrived on the fight, loved the battle, and did not know how to function without things that tore her apart most. It was like she had a cancerous tumor removed, a cancer that had become her whole reason for living, and the daily struggle, and fight was what she lived for. Once that cancer was removed, she felt she had no purpose. She needed that fight, and that cancer always attacking her to feel somehow that her life was at all important. 

But not only was she wishing to bring that fight back into her life, she brought it into my life. I would not tolerate this one bit. (Well, once I finally noticed what was happening) She had insisted the reasons she wanted me there was to help her grow and rid herself from those cancers, those battles, and struggles. She had no intention of doing that. I learned she had brought me in to have someone to join her in her misery. She had thought she could get me so low and beaten that I would feel I needed to stay.

I soon realized that story about faith in God came to me for my benefit, not for hers. I was caught in the flood, and because I was holding on to someone who did not want rescued, I was being taken down into the dangerous swirling waters. God needed me to see I was the one in need of rescue. I had already denied Him twice, and this was my third and final rescue that would be offered.

I told her I realized that story was for my rescue, and that I would be moving out.

I DO Have Faith in God. And even though it sometimes takes me a few times to notice, God always provides. I told her I was leaving, and God Almost instantly provided a new place to live. Almost as soon as a new place was provided, I discovered she had been evicted and had no intentions of telling me. I attempted to pay my share of the Oct rent since I had not given her but a few days notice. I went to pay my share at the office (because I knew better than to give it to her) and the office refused it. They said “Because of the eviction, they could not accept the money.” I asked details about the eviction, but they would not discuss it with me, since it was legally her name on the lease. (I was listed as a tenant, since I filled out proper papers, and was added on as a resident, just not on the lease…. Yeah, you try and tell me God wasn’t already protecting me!) They advised  me to leave before I was included in any legal process. The neighbors were not happy I was leaving, but told me they were glad I recognized what was happening. They told me more details about her lifestyle than I ever wished to know. They told me in the next few days how glad they were I was finding safety, and glad I did not get taken down in all that was happening in that apartment. 

Again, God totally protected me.  

I moved out on my next day off, just as I had told her I would. After I moved, I began getting angry texts and emails. IF you recall what I said happens in a mental battle… After the one with a clear mind walks away, then the other with a clouded mind continues a non-existent battle.  The only thing I can make sense of these emails and texts is that she is looking for a fight, and wants me to leave absolutely hating her, so she can claim I ran from her life. I attempted a couple times to reply and let her know I still cared, and never hated her, and would always be there when she wanted a friend, and decided she was done going down this path. She has convinced herself that somehow the destructive behaviors she allowed are now all my fault, and I would cause her to “end her misery”, and it would all be my fault. Again, like I mentioned about a mental battle… She is looking for a fight after the battle has been won. She is hoping either by threatening suicide I would suddenly fling myself right back into the danger, or that I would fight with her so she still ahs a battle to hang onto. Alos interesting that she denied the eviction while I was there, but as soon as I left suddenly she is being evicted because I left. Again, with the mental battle. It was over long ago, but she wants to continue. I refuse to play into it. I have not figured out why she started this after I left. I replied a few times attempting to show her I do not hate her, and I will be her friend when she is ready.  I made it clear I will no longer reply to any of her emails if she is only wanting to attempt a fight, or attempt to make me hate her. She still sends many a day. But is no longer getting any response from me.

Anyone who knows me, knows how I feel about death. I believe a person cannot die before it is their time.  Period. A person cannot commit suicide if it is not their time. A person cannot be killed by any force before their time. Likewise, if a person wants to kill themselves, I say good. Let them. I have been there, and I have  tried. As you can see, I am not yet allowed to die. One thing I know, though is you cannot do anything to change their mind, nor can you interfere. If you somehow stop someone from trying, they will resent you, and not recognize the simple fact that it was not their time. So, you have to let them try. You have to let them continue the path they have chosen. Once a person is in the mindset that they want to die, they will not listen to any logic, any reason, or anything anyone tells them.

Now, that does not mean I will help them, or encourage them to die. That choice is entirely their own to make. I have spent the past two weeks trying to help her see what is happening, and trying to help her grasp how her choices have led to where she is right now. I have made it clear I have never given up on her, and would help her in a heart-beat the moment she asks. She is somehow convinced all her problems are because of me, because she needs to find someone to blame. Anyone she can blame justifies her behavior in her mind. I have also told her exactly that. If she feels better by blaming me, then please go ahead and blame me. There is nothing she says that can harm me. It only continues to harm her. She is so committed to being miserable, and wants nothing more than to have other miserable people go down that road with her, she cannot stand that I refuse to be part of that. She is in disbelief about her own power. She truly believes she can take a happy person and make them want to be miserable with her. So, now she is nothing but angry towards me.   I have no control over anything she chooses to do. Nor can I do anything about her anger. I tried.

Right now, all I can do is wait. I have made it clear I will be there for her once she finishes this path she has chosen. She has made it clear she wants me to get so angry at her that I would fight with her, and leave, so she can say I abandoned her. I will not. She wants me to run away, but does not know what to do with someone who will still be there when she decides she is done going this direction. I still care, and hope she does not die. But I cannot just sit there and watch as she destroys herself. I needed to find safety, and continue with my life, and only if I am safe can I help another. If anyone happens to see her, please give her a hug, and ask “how are you?”

If she happens to die in the process, then I would say “good.” It was her time. She is no longer suffering in this Earthly place. If she tries, and fails, then hopefully she will notice it was not her time. Hopefully she would get enough of a “smack to her ego” that she decides to try and live a happy life, since she is not allowed to die. If she happens to try, yet lives, I hope she sees that she needs to make her life a priority, and not allow anything to enter that distracts from her well-being. I hope she sees that wherever she ends up next, she decides to make her home a safe place where no one is allowed to ever deliberately harm another. I hope she sees that if she continues letting people in who only intend to harm her, she will always be miserable. I hope she decides to find happy. I Hope she decides her own life is a priority.  I hope she realizes how wonderful she is when she knows her life is a blessing to others. I hope she realizes she is loved, and sometimes love is tough. I hope she realizes nobody has given up on her, they are only waiting for her to decide she wants them in her life. I hope she realizes I still care. There is nothing I can do that will convince her, because she has convinced herself the world is against her.  

Weak Men Love To Control Women

The ultimate weapon used to control a female human: a puppy. 

There is no denying the connection a female has to a dog. Unfortunately, desperate males see this as a way to gain control over a female they wish to conquer. And the female allows it.

The female instantly "forgets" all her troubles, and is somehow convinced there suddenly is peace, happiness, and every fight she has with the male will suddenly be gone.

I wish this was not true. I also wish females were not so weak to allow an ill-intentioned male to control them. It never fails. If a female is emotionally unstable, they will seek and attract a male who is also weak and unstable. That male is so desperate and needy, that they thrive on destroying a female just to have something they can feel in charge of. An emotionally weak female wants nothing more than to feel loved. They see the attention of that male as "I am not alone", instead of noticing they are more alone when they are with such a person, than without.

No person ever gives a puppy as a gift with pure good intentions. A gift of a puppy always has a selfish motive. Just like any life, it should be a mutual decision, both should already be stable enough that they can see the puppy as a life they need to train, teach, nourish and grow positively together. If someone is given a puppy, and was only decided by one person, it is a forced responsibility, that the receiver will not be able to recognize and suddenly be buried with more emotional unstableness. The receiver will latch onto it with the notion of "it will love me". A puppy is a burden, and even a distraction, not love. 

The male can make the female believe he is a caring, loving person by hiding behind the puppy. The female will be blind to any anger, violence, and other issues the male shows. A puppy is for some reason a cloak that the male knows will be his ticket to finally being able to control another human.

The male will take the dominant role, and teach the dog to also do the same. The dog will obey the male, yet seek comfort from the female. The female sees this as love. It is not love. That dog is using the female to find safety and like the female also feels it is not alone. The dog ultimately will obey and copy the male, since that is how nature works. Dominance and submissiveness are determined and followed with animals. The male human feels by controlling others he is somehow the stronger one. The dog cannot tell the difference between games and true feelings. The dog sees that male as the dominant, or alpha. The dog is created more needy of attention than a human is. They are by nature "pack" animals. Being isolated from their own pack, they will instantly latch onto any life form that will let them. The male human sees this as one more thing he suddenly has dominance and control over. He will play the loving puppy-loving role just long enough to establish his "ownership" over that dog. Then as soon as the dog and the female are convinced he is so loving, he will begin to beat the dog, stop taking the dog for walks, and begin training the dog to be aggressive. As the dog is aggressive and ignores the female commands to stop, the male human can easily make the dog behave. The female sees this as her weakness and is easily convinced she needs this male, but cannot understand why "her dog" is behaving that way. It is not her dog, but she is led to believe it is. The male human teaches the dog to pull on the leash, so the female cannot take control of the dog. The female always takes the dog for walks, believing this is companionship. The male never goes along. When the dog is out of control and she needs help, she will always call the male to come to her rescue. The male is once again viewed as the hero, instead of the female noticing how he has set this up to happen. When the female is not around, he kicks the dog, beats the dog, and will not take it out for walks, attention, or love. He sees it as his control. By beating the dog into submission, and neglecting it, the dig fears him, and will seek the comfort (shelter) of the female. The dogs fully knows as long as the female is present, the male will not hit it. The female does not realize this, and only sees the dog's desire to be with her as "love". Sadly, it is not love, it it survivalism. 

Weak males feel aggression is their only way of obtaining any sort of power. If they can control others by fear they think they are powerful. Likewise, they choose dogs that can easily be taught aggression. To the male human who wishes to control a female, he will make sure he not only controls her, but wishes to destroy her to the level she is so weak, she feels she deserved what he gives her. Using a dog against a female is the ultimate way to destroy her. She will not allow herself to see the dog as at fault. Likewise, if she is focusing on the dog, the male knows she will not notice how he is taking her down. An aggressive dog is such a horrific thing, and the female will go into such depression, and denial, the male has almost ultimate power over her.

I wrote this blog entirely on my iPhone. I wrote it simply because i have witnessed so much of this happening, and just felt I needed to let it out. The reason I chose the iPhone? Simply because I had it handy while the thoughts were flowing. I had not intended to write a blog, nor write one only using the phone, but once I started , it just went smoothly. I considered transferring it to my computer, then to the blog ... But then I decided to see how it comes out using only the phone. 

My Unique Resume'

                           My Resume'

Often, after I am hired, the hiring manager tells me what stood out about my application. It is usually my resume'.

I do not claim in any way to be an expert, or for that matter even have a clue about writing a resume'.

What I do claim to know is Who I am, and What I can offer my next employer. I have never truly understood the purpose of a resume, and to this day am baffled that this is the key piece of paper most hiring managers look at before arranging an interview. Knowing I have a one-in-a-thousand chance of having my resume' actually get the attention of a hiring manager, I know I need to do something that stands out. 

I have heard all my life about the supposed format(s) that are acceptable, and what you are supposed to make your resume' look like. Those do not fit me. I have found my own unique style is what works for me. Admittedly, I am aware that many will not even look at this because it is not fitting their standard, brainwashed notion of what they are supposed to look for when choosing applicants. 

Also, I am aware, that if my resume' is not what they like, then I will not want to work for that company. Simple as that. I do what works for me, and this is what gets me the jobs I have had.

I do not suggest this is what anybody else should do, but I do suggest others try to create a resume' that matches their personality. 

Be Bold. Be Fun. Be Creative. Be Positive. Take a chance.

Below is an exact replica of my most recent resume' 

(I have blocked-out the phone number and email, simply because I don't want all that totally public on this blog)

Each time I have needed a new resume, Of course it is a bit different, depending upon what my goal at that time is. But typically, this is the format, style, and creative approach that works for me.

Everything below this line is exactly what my latest one looked like:

*************************************************

You Are Looking for a Hard-Working, Friendly, Dependable, Self-Motivated, Thorough, Fun, and Reliable Person.

My Name is Jon, and I am the Employee You Are Looking For!

Jon A Miller

 (702) 600-17**     e-mail: halfaniceday@hotmail.com

What You Need To know:

            I am Self-motivated, friendly, hard-working, detail-oriented, thorough, reliable, fun, and dependable. There is not a job I cannot do. I come to you ready to put to use a lifetime of skills and work-ethic to get the job done to your satisfaction. If there is a job I do not know, I will quickly learn it. I take work seriously, yet know how to be fun, positive, and enthusiastic.

                      I have sought and learned new skills in each and every opportunity that arises. Each day, and each new experience is an opportunity to learn and grow. 

I am currently seeking employment in a business that thrives on liveliness, culture, community enrichment, and positive love of happiness.

I have worked and volunteered since I was a child, and have more experience than can be listed on a simple resume’. I thrive on customer service, making people happy, and helping others to find what they need for success. If there is an experience, or job I have not done, I am willing to tackle it. While the following list of recent employment is in no way able to paint a picture of my full abilities, it is the most-recent picture I can give you.

          I have a wide-variety of skills in Customer Service, Food-Service, Retail, Construction, Manufacturing, Performing-Arts, Warehousing, Delivery, and much more.  

Recent Work Experience:

Stratosphere Hotel and Casino: Las Vegas, NV. (March 2011, to July 2013)

Hired as Part-time Food and Beverage Cashier, Promoted to Full-time Cook

Responsibilities included proper food handling, prep and cooking of all food to be served for the day, assisting customers at counter, and making sure each customer was satisfied in a timely manner. Accuracy, speed, customer-service, integrity, timing, and attention-to many details all at the same time is a must.

*Stash Tea Company: Tigard, Or. (Nov. ’08 to Jan. ’11)

Hired as a temp-packager in production, Promoted to Warehouse Shipper.
Job included packaging and shipping tea product according to customer specific needs. Duties involved fast, detail work with exacting standards, and various packaging machinery. This job included all aspects and equipment of warehousing, and shipping detail. Speed and accuracy in filling large orders, properly boxing for safe delivery, using the proper shipping method, and coordinating orders through the sales department to assure customers received product in a timely manner.

*International Paper (Weyerhaueser) Bag Plant: Beaverton, Or. (Jan. ’08 to Oct. ’08)

Hired as a Baler, Promoted to Bag-making Machine Operator/Tender.
As a Baler, Job details involved off-stacking finished bales of paper bags onto pallets, according to customer specified stacking patterns. This involved working swiftly to keep all operating machines clear of finished bales to prevent back-ups, picking up trash, sweeping and keeping a tidy work place.
Machine Operator/Tender duties included knowledge, safety, and understanding of all aspects of bag-making machinery. The job included maneuvering, loading and threading large rolls of paper into machines, applying ink, glue, and proper tuning of equipment to manufacture a perfect finished product to meet customer needs, and company production standards.

I appreciate your time, and look forward to working with you very soon! Thank you, Jon A Miller.

I Found Gramma in a Box of Triscuits?

I Found Gramma in a Box of Triscuits!!

Today, I bought a box of Triscuits…. And Found Gramma!

I Know that sounds really weird… 

And I can’t deny it. Yup, it’s weird.

Would it be even weirder if I told you my Gramma has been dead for a very long time?

Ok, SO it Really is not THAT Creepy. It actually is quite happy!

I’ll Explain… well, TRY To Explain anyhow!

So, it seems daily I find another food I cannot eat due to my allergies. Often the foods I have eaten my whole life suddenly are off-limits, and I am constantly forced to give up the most basic of life’s little guilty pleasures.

Cheez-its are one of my all-time favorite snack crackers. I have eaten them my whole life. Then they came out with all those wonderful flavors of sooo many delightful kinds of cheeses in their crackers. Oooh, I was in heaven! Anyone who knows me would not doubt I LOVE Cheese! And then to have my favorite cracker have a dozen new flavors… Oh, it was wonderful! WAS. Imagine suddenly not ever being able to eat a Cheezit again. This happened to me this spring. After consuming a portion of Cheezits (I don’t recall which flavor, but it does not matter), I got that all-too-familiar feeling that I ate something I should not have. The only thing I had eaten was the Cheezits, so I looked at the ingredients. Yup, has Palm Oil. Grumble, Growl, Snort! Look again in disbelief… Yup, There it is.

Palm Oil is one of many items I am allergic to. In recent years, many food manufacturers have switched to using Palm (or Coconut) Oil, instead of the Sunflower or Soybean Oils. I am told the reason for this is purely cost-motivated. Palm and Coconut oils are cheap, so the companies can make more profit. So even products I have always been safe in eating suddenly become poison to me. This was the case with my beloved Cheezits. (and before anyone starts suggesting I look in the “Natural”, or “health food” Stores… Think about that for a second… Those stores Use MORE Coconut Products than others do! Those stores are like ticking product-bombs just waiting to jump out and poison me!

I was in disbelief as I read the label, because I knew… I ABSOLUTELY KNEW There was no Palm Oil in my beloved Cheezits. But there it was… and even without reading the label, I could FEEL it poisoning my blood and brain. But regardless, it was there in nice, clear print. So I naturally did what anyone would do… I grabbed a different box of Cheezits from the cupboard (I normally had no less than 6-boxes on hand at all times.) And I found exactly what I knew I would: That box had NO Palm Oil. But several of the others did. It was clear… they were in the process of changing their ingredients, and I had one box that was older than the rest.

Never mind the way the allergic reaction was making me feel, react, and behave. I was (trying to be)more focused on the thought of “Might I find a store that still has pallets of the Old Cheezits?” Hmm… How can I find All the old ones, and possibly buy ‘em all up, so I can keep enjoying Cheezits forever? But of course that would not work on my budget. In fact, I had already spent my snack budget… and it was quickly dawning on me that I had a cupboard full of snacks that I could not eat…  and even more depressing, I was realizing that I likely would never find any Cheezits on the store shelves that still were the old recipe. I looked through some of the other snack I had in the cupboard, and found similar scenarios. For example, The box of “Scooby Snacks” I had just bought had Palm Oil in it, but the one I had bought two weeks prior did not.

Wait, You think you just read something about Scooby Snacks? Yes, You read that right. “Scooby Snacks”… here, look….

….Yup! They are shaped like dog-biscuits, but are delicious and deceptively tasty as human snacks! A hint of cinnamon in a Graham Cracker. Fun to just put in a bowl, without the package and see if people will eat a dog-snack!

But I was sad, because the more snacks I looked at, the more I found Palm Oil. This was hard, because in the past three years, I have had the same story with Ice Cream. So, now I was not able to enjoy my beloved ice cream, it seemed also, my beloved snacks were to be off limits, too! (and Muffins, too!)

I bagged up all the snacks in my home that Now had Palm Oil and donated them to a worthy home. It was sad to have to say goodbye, but they went to a home that could love them… and where I would not be tormented by them in my sight.

The next time I went to the store, I spent at least an hour in the cracker aisle, looking for any crackers that did not have palm oil. I found some, but of course they were not varieties I liked, or worse, they were the Extremely expensive brands… The ones where you feel you should at least be wearing something fancy if you are going to consume them. Ugh. Here I go again… something I never had to give any thought to, now will poison me if I am not careful.

The hardest part is the few without palm oil are the ones I can’t enjoy. So, my snack cupboard remains an empty space… very symbolic.

Every now and then, I find a random cracker brand, or flavor that looks promising, and I buy it. Each time, I am disappointed. There was a reason I chose Cheezits as my favorite for my whole life… and none others will fill that void.

Today, I was pleasantly surprised to find a new Triscuit Cracker. It was called Triscuit Thins, and Was Cheese Flavored, too! I had not had a Triscuit in so many years I cannot recall when it was I last had one.  I have never disliked Triscuits, just never got excited about them. Also the fact that they are in the higher-priced range of crackers, plus you get a teeny-tiny box for that high price, I have not ever gone to buy them. But today, with the discovery of This one with Cheese… And No Palm Oil, I bought the box!

I’ll bet you are still wondering how any of this connects to my dead Gramma, right? I’m getting’ to that! Be patient… hehe.

When I got home from the store, as usual, I like to snack while putting the groceries away. And Often, I will choose to snack on The new item I have brought home, excited to try this new discovery. So, I opened the box of Triscuits. As soon as I opened the box, the long-ago-familiar smell of those Triscuit Crackers hit me. I did not at first connect what I smelled with what my mind was remembering… Until I took that first bite. Oh MY GOD! It’s Gramma! I tasted Gramma!!! I smelled Gramma, and Tasted Gramma!! I was suddenly a kid again in Gramma’s kitchen snacking on Triscuits with her! Now don’t get all weird and think the cracker tasted like Gramma’s flesh, or anything like that. It was at THAT Moment I recalled the last time I had eaten Triscuit Crackers! Triscuits were Gramma’s cracker, like Cheezits were mine.

I Found Gramma in A Box of Triscuits!! My Gramma died long ago, and I have never felt this feeling of “Her” since even many years before she died. I am not even sure when she died, or if she was buried, or cremated… or even where the remains in whatever form were placed. (Not to sound insensitive, but I had said goodbye to Gramma many years before she actually died, and whatever, or wherever I was in my life at the time of her actual death did not make an impact on me in the sense that I needed to mark it on a calendar.) Actually, I bet that last bit makes you think I am really insensitive, huh? I guess you’ll just hafta sit and chat with me about death sometime to fully understand my views, huh? Insensitive, no… different about many of the things we experience, yes.  Her death definitely impacted me… Often in more deep-ways than you might first imagine. I have interesting ways of dealing with death, loss, suffering, and how it affects my life, and how I move forward.

Enough about her death.

Tonight, I found Gramma in a Box of Triscuits!! This was enough of an impact that I immediately turned on the computer and started writing about this. (well, as soon as I put away the groceries, anyhow) I had a huge list of things I wanted to accomplish tonight, since it was the end of my weekend, and this coming week will prove to be more hectic than many of the past have. Also, this week will mark the end of one chapter in my life, and the beginning(s) of many new chapters. The last thing I intended to do was write a blog… until I Found Gramma In a Box of Triscuits.

This Gramma I mention is the one I have written about at least in a dozen different blogs. She was My Mom’s Mom. Technically, she was a “Grandma”, but we called her Gramma. As a kid, I cherished every moment I ever got to spend with her, and I never felt like I did not belong, or that somehow she just tolerated me. She was always a mix of The Country-Club Queen, and The Get-Dirty in the Garden Gal. She was the perfect blend between high-society-social parties, and talking silly using pig-latin at the dinner table kind of lady.  She went easily from pearls and heels, to nudist in the mud. She could set-up The Perfect Formal Dinner in her dining room, and an hour later, transform that same room into a fort made of couch-cushions, sheets, and pillows for us to have sleep-overs in. She was the one who everyone felt safe and comfortable naked around, yet she would be the first to point out the funny lines left by a chair on your butt. How, you might ask do Triscuits fit into all of this? Simple: Triscuits were Gramma’s Cracker. No matter the level of class, or how down n dirty she got, Triscuits were the cracker she had for all to enjoy. She always served cheese with the Triscuits, too. So this box of Cheese-Triscuits I opened and ate tonight, unleashed a flood of memories that I had not felt since at least 33 years ago!!

The last time I remember feeling this was when I was 12. Tonight when I stood in the kitchen eating my Triscuits, I found Gramma in That Box. So, No matter how, or where her remains were placed when she died so long ago, I found where they went… They somehow went to The Nabisco Plant, and found This Box of Triscuits, to come and visit Me! I never imagined I would feel that feeling ever again. Tonight, I was taken back to a world long lost. A world where everything was safe, a world where no matter what was happening, once you were at Gramma’s house, it would all be ok.

Triscuits… Who woulda thunkit? And to think… maybe I am allergic to all my favorites so I would find these Triscuits, and Feel Gramma once again… Everything happens for a reason… Gramma, Thank You for The Triscuits!...

… Now I think I will go built a sheet and couch-cushion fort to sleep in tonight.

Clothed In TRUST (or a Cast-Iron Skillet?):

Clothed in Trust:

What Does it take For You To Be Free?
When You Allow Yourself to Be Vulnerable...

The Very First Time I ever Wore a G-String...And Publicly, too!

This is a Story about the one time I dressed as Peter Pan, and I bet you are wondering how the subject of wearing a G-string could possibly relate to The Peter Pan Character...

and How it Connects to TRUST... It really does all connect:

Sometimes, I can be seen in an outfit, or fun item that will make ya wonder, even consider that I may in fact be a bit Crazy. I will not deny this. I would absolutely love to wear stuff that suits my personality All The Time! … But our world seems to dictate how much we can actually be unique based on their  own fears, not on the person who wants to be different. For those times when you see me wearing something so whacky that you wonder how I got the determination, or even the guts to do it… There is One thing that is a key factor: TRUST.

What I wear, depends a lot on whether or not I trust those I am around. The same goes for what I Don’t wear. For so much of my young life, I was happily a nudist. I learned early on who I could trust, and when it was safe to let my guard down, and be free. Even after the age of twelve, when I went into mostly hiding my nakedness, I found those I could trust, and would allow them to see me at my most vulnerable. It is not just about naked, that is just a good representation, and parallel to illustrate vulnerability.

Some of my most fun outfits, costumes, shenanigans, and freedoms to be uniquely me, and not worry one bit about what others will say, do, or how they might harm me have come Only when I am able to trust those I am around. When you see me dressed in completely “normal” clothing (well, as ‘normal’ as I will ever get!), that tells you something is missing in the trust department. This usually happens once I have been harmed, and have figured out that by being my unique self, it actually brings, invites, and encourages attacks. I occasionally will revert to only wearing simple clothes, a simple hat, and trying hard to make sure I do not in any way stand out. When you see me like this, you know something is not balanced in my world.

On the other end of that spectrum however, If you see me being silly, wearing items that make me completely stand-out, or absolutely not look like I wanna blend-in, then you know everything is perfect in that area. (or at least in the moment, very safe, very comfortable, and I can be free). This is how I am when you see me playing with my ducks, or other silly objects. When I am creating the fun photos y’all see, it is when I am in a safe place.

Writing yesterday about wearing my Christmas G-string, During the entire time I was writing, and even re-reading, after I published it, I had one feeling that came to mind: TRUST. When I’ve been free enough to wear that G-string for Kara, and even when I wore it in The Wetlands, and posted the pictures publicly, I KNEW I was in a place where I could Trust those around me. Trust is a huge factor in my word.

No matter how many insecurities I have, if I trust you, I likely will do almost anything with you. If I trust you, I just might surprise myself, with what I would do around you, for you, or even with you! Some of the most rewarding experiences of my life have come when I am with someone, or many who I trust. Often, I do not even realize how comfortable I have gotten with a person, until after an event, or time when I look back on it, and go: “WoW! That person has my trust!”

I was reminded of a time long ago when I wore a G-string… sorta…. It was in October of 2009. I was living in a house full of people, each having varying degrees of “alternate Living” Lifestyles. I use that term simply to not label any one type, or in any way point out what one’s own lifestyle was. We each fit into the category of “alternate” in different ways. One of the girls was having a birthday party, just before Halloween, and had decided to make it a costumed party. Not necessarily a Halloween costume, just a costume. It was deemed to be a “Very Free” lifestyle party, meaning nothing was really off-limits. The other “rule” was that you had to create a costume on “dollar-store” items… Meaning anything you wore needed to be VERY inexpensive, and could possibly be obtained at dollar stores. This allowed for creativity, and also encouraged the use of things you might not otherwise use… making the imagination play an important part.

All the people in this house, and that would attend this party were very safe to me, and I trusted them. They accepted me as a nudist. Heck, they accepted Me!

Now, I bet you are wondering where the “G-String” I mentioned earlier comes into play? Well, read on, and you will see!

So, mentioning this party idea to a coworker, and tossing about possible ideas, He suggested I go as a Disney Character… More Specifically, Peter Pan. Well, this got me thinking of the green tights, funny tunic, etc. My friend grinned, and then told me what he meant… Well, rather than explain it to you, how about I just show a picture….

Ok, So Now You Know It was Not The Peter Pan in green tights that could fly….

…but rather A Pan Over My Peter! (the robe was simply because this was Oregon, and It Was Cold!!)

And the “G-String”?... Well, that was how I held the pan in place! I gotta say, this was My Very First Time Ever wearing ANYTHING Like this!! I was mortified, but knew it would a fun night! The pan was of course Ice-cold, so I had to preheat it so it would not freeze parts. (I just soaked it in warm water before wearing it.) And to fasten it…. Well, the term G-String took on a whole new meaning this night!! G… for Groin. String… well, it was rope (or string)… so there ya have it! It was definitely not the most comfortable way to wear it! But it did the job… sorta. Initially I had attempted to just tie the rope around my waist, and thru the handle. But that left an awful lot of sway in the pan. (I don’t know if you’ve ever had a rogue cast-iron skillet flopping about near your parts, but that only leaves room for instant damage!!) not to mention inadvertent flashing of those who did not wish to see what was inside the pan! So, I needed to create a more-secure way to wear the pan. Thus the g-string. To say it was a wee-bit uncomfortable to have a rope up my butt is an understatement! (and If I ever do that again, I will use something a tad softer, maybe even a bit wider!) After a few attempts, I succeeded in creating an effective g-string.

The costume was a total success, and everyone absolutely loved it! Much to my chagrin, they seemed to like it a bit too much…. It was a good thing I trusted everyone there, because they were not shy about “inspecting” how I did it. That night, I had more people literally playing with that area than I’ve ever had in my life! Nobody did anything sexual, they simply were curious, and knowing I would allow their curiosities, they allowed themselves the freedom to explore. I likely would have done the same if they were the ones wearing it! Most people wanted to inspect the rope, and see how I managed to tie it, where it did, or did not go. Some wanted to see if there was anything worn under the pan, or if I had lined the pan with anything soft. Their concern was about chaffing, scraping, or other possible complications that could arise. (speaking of arise… Well, maybe I won’t tell about that…) many wanted to see “how many sausage and eggs fit in that pan” and even wanted to see how they fit. Everyone took plenty of pictures, from every angle, and some at very close-range. To say I was safe, and trusted them all was an understatement! That night, I was SOO safe, comfortable, and trusted all of them!

Just a Note about all the curiosities, and "exploring" of my regions: I treat others the way I would want to be treated. So many people are so guarded, and not willing to allow another's curiosites. So often, when a person is curious and not intending any harm, simply wanting to grow, learn, understand, gain knowlege, they are rebuked, scorned, and made to feel ashamed for even asking. I was fortunate to have found many in my early years who actually encouraged and welcomed these curiosities. I learned that if approached in a non-harmful, desire of learning way, most of the time, it is mutually rewarding for each person involved. (The curious one learns, and often so does the one being asked!) Sure, there were plenty that did not encourage this, but fortunately, there were many who Did encourage learning! So, when others approach me in this manner, as long as I trust them, I will allow the curiosities, touches, explorations, and it usually turns out that we both learn something from the experience! Often, sadly, our society seems to scorn, or look down upon these curiosites, learnings, understandings, so many times, we are forced to "Not Tell Anyone", which is truly sad. Any curiosities in this department are summarily categorized into "sexual" behavior, instead of simply learning about the human body.

Well, in the comfort department, I was not comfortable in the sense of how my costume fit, and especially when I tried to sit down while we played board games! I had not planned for how things would shift, and especially how the rope would dig-in!! Also along with the rope going tighter, the pan also did not remain where it was supposed to. Eventually, it got too awkward, parts were not remaining inside the pan, and it was just plain uncomfortable, and I was cold, so I went down to my room and took it all off. I put baby powder all over my region, and let is soothe me… Then I put something soft and warm on and went back upstairs.

Of all the photos taken by everyone that night, I never saw any of them. The only photo I have is one that was taken with my own camera (the one I posted above). I am sure somewhere in the great web, there are photos floating around of details of that costume… And again, it’s a good thing I trust those people, because otherwise I might have reason to worry… Grin!

So, as you go through life, may you find people you can trust, people who encourage you to be free, explore your desires, and find your Peter Pan! (Just be careful when you sit while wearing a Cast Iron Skillet, and a Rope G-string!)