Saturday, November 22, 2014

You Seek a Relationship? With One Person? Why?

You seek a relationship? With Only One Person? Why?

So many people in life seem to always be looking for their next relationship, seeking their partner, feeling incomplete unless they are in a relationship.

To me, one cannot do anything with another, until they have learned who they themselves are, are happy with themselves, and do not NEED another for their own happiness, but rather once they are happy in their life, then another can come in and make it so much more enriching. So many people tend to always seek to be connected to another, never allowing themselves to truly learn who they are as an individual.

Obviously there is much to be gained, given, shared, understood, and thrive-upon any time any people find a connection, trust, understanding, and have common goals in life.

I cannot understand why people seek their “Soul-mate”, “Life-partner”, or “Significant-other”. To Me, that seems like they are limiting their potential, settling for only partial love, and not really seeking to give and receive all the love they were designed for. In my observations, the one(s) that are meant to be together will happen to work-out, without anyone going looking, forcing it, or trying to make it happen. I cannot understand why anyone seems to think they are not complete until they have attached themselves to another. (Kinda matches the whole calling someone "My Other Half" ... Seems to suggest you are not willing to be whole as you were created, but that you need someone before you can truly be who you were meant to be.)

All My life the way humans tend to go about life, especially relationships, baffles me. Often to the point that I truly wonder if I really am at all Human, or just somehow dropped amongst them, and supposed to figure out how to fit-in.

The notion that there should be a “Soul-mate”, or “The One” to me is so outrageous that I wonder why so many limit themselves, and refuse to find the capacity of love they truly could experience.  Now don’t get me wrong. In no way am I suggesting people should not commit to one another, or denouncing that there really is chemistry, balance, and love between any given two (or more) people. I just feel that as complex Humans that we are, there is so much more to give and receive between people than can be achieved in a one-on-one basis.

Another thing that baffles me in the way people go about getting in a relationship is how often one will try to force it. Clearly, a relationship should be built on mutual feelings, mutual connections, and when two or more people feel they are drawn into one another’s lives.
When someone feels they are “supposed to be with” another, yet it is one-sided, that is a clear sign that the feeling is not a true connection, and certainly not a basis for “building” a relationship from. This would in many cases be what is called “stalking”. The infatuation, or desire of the one to “Be with” the one who is not feeling the same often will push away the one not as interested, and because the pursuer was convinced it really was a connection, they will suddenly claim to have “gotten their heart broken”. Desperation, or acts of being desperate seldom will gain positive results.

One thing I have always done consistently in my life is to be up front, and honest about my intentions, feelings, goals, and desires. While knowing who I am, and what I do or do not want in life would seem to be a great quality. However for some odd reason, those are also confusing and puzzling to those who do not yet know themselves and what they like or do not like in life. My suggestion to anyone is to always get to know yourself before you attempt to include another in your life.

I certainly will never claim to be any sort of “Relationship Expert”, But I DO know what is and is not good for me in life. If I tell someone what I do not seek, and do not want, yet they seem to think they can convince me to do those things just because They want them, they get a hard smack of reality when I shut the door in their face.  If I tell someone who is angling toward “making me their boyfriend” that I am absolutely not interested in that sort of relationship, yet they still have the notion they will continue to pursue me in that way, they will find a locked door between us fast!

I also am an anomaly in the sense that I am Asexual. Period. That means exactly that. I Am not at all interested in sex, am not seeking sex, will not have sex. Does not matter male, female, gay, bi, trans, or anything in-between. I do not like, want, desire, or seek sex in any way. This confuses people, because I also happen to be a nudist. For too many on this Earth, they equate naked with sex. So to see a male naked, they just cannot grasp that I am not seeking sex. I go into great detail about my lack of sexuality in many other posts. This one is devoted to relationships.

Oddly, also, many seem to think the whole purpose of a relationship is for sexual pleasure. For some it may be. For me, not at all. If I get into any relationship, it is absolutely Emotional, Mental, Spiritual, and for the feelings that are shared, never for any sexual desires.  

With all that is said above, you might be wondering what, exactly might lead me toward a relationship? Well, I have been in many relationships that were absolutely wonderful! Some have been only between myself and another, but most of the cherished ones have been when it is more than just two individuals. Yes, I know this may baffle you, and your thoughts are going all sorts of places. 

But let me try and help make it not seem so wild:
I am not talking about Swingers, or even Open Relationships. Those are definitely sexual in nature. A relationship including more than two people happens when everyone involved is mutually accepting of each other, completely honest, completely open, and completely understanding with No hidden agendas, often everyone involved is involved together. Again, this is about relationships, love, spiritual, mental, and emotional well-being, Not about Sex! (Although sex may occur between those who agree and desire, it usually is not like an orgy, or wild sex stuff.)  Each person brings something different to the relationship, making for more love, understanding, and comfort. As humans, we are complex in ways that limiting yourself to only one person in a relationship means that you will not fulfill every aspect of your being.

If you have never given that any sort of thought, it can be mind-boggling. Most are taught that a relationship should be limited to only two people. (not even sure what that stems from, but it is a common thought in most of our society) Think about it this way: You have many best friends, right? Each one fits in your life in a little bit different way than the others. You would never consider that you should only have one friend, eliminating all the others. But when it comes to “traditional” relationships, you choose one person. You marry that one person, and push out all the other best friends you had. Pretty soon you realize you miss what they contributed to your life, but say something along the lines of “Well, I am happily married.” Now, think about how wonderfully enriched your life would be if instead of pushing out the friends because you got married, that you include them in your marriage.  I know, it boggles your mind, because you have never before been taught you are allowed to think that way.  

The notion of Loving more than one person is not new, nor in any way something that was created just to fulfill someones strange notion. The idea of many loves, all included, open, and honest with one another is as old as mankind. The difference is you have been taught that you are not supposed to love more than one person. To me, that teaching is a sad thing. Humans were made to love, help, encourage, uplift, and support one another. We were not made to isolate, separate, and keep one only to ourselves. Nor were we made to be isolated. Our love is meant to be shared. The more we give, the more we receive. Imagine if everyone on this Earth felt loved? Imagine if everyone felt secure enough to Give Love? Don’t you think that if you were allowed to give love to as many as you possibly could, you also would receive ten-fold the amount you gave? That exactly is what I am referring to when I say relationships should not be limited to only one person. That is isolation.

PolyAmory is a term that seems to have come into use a lot lately. Seems to me someone needed a term, or category to fit a lifestyle that has been around since the beginning of mankind. This, too baffles me: The need to “Categorize” everyone and everything. I have never understood why everything people do needs to fit some sort of pre-defined category, label, or group, but that is what makes some happy, so they create these to find a place their lives “Fit”. But anyhow, Poly-Amory, or Poly-Amorous are both becoming popular. While I do not agree with every aspect this page posts, it is a good one for answering some of the more frequently asked questions about how having more than one love can affect people. Here is the page:

Whatever you choose to call it, I hope you can call it love.

I have been in many wonderful relationships in my life. Some have been with only one person, but the most fulfilling ones have been when I was in a relationship with many someones at the same time. Each of those was done in the manner that everyone involved was in agreement of what the relationship was. Nothing was hidden. All were aware, consenting, and agreeable in what roles each played.

Yup, I also have been in relationships with married couples. Sometimes, the fit is absolutely perfect. Instead of being a “third-wheel”, I am “the other husband”. Think about that for a second, and think about who I am and what I am all about, you will see how it fits nicely. There is an old saying that goes something like this:
Found this on Pinterest, Here:

Now, of course we all know that is a joke. But in reality, wouldn’t it be great to fulfill all that? Well in the type of relationship I refer to, it is a Reality! I have been in many like this in my life. None were exactly like this funny sign, but all were equally fulfilling, where each person fulfilled a different area of the relationship. It is absolutely empowering, wonderful, and fulfilling to be in such a relationship. Keep in mind, unlike the funny picture, we all agreed to let each other know what we each wanted, and what was good by one, or better by another.  I have been in many just like this in my life. Nope, we never hid it, although most who did not know us well assumed we were just joking about the nature of our relationships.  Naturally, my role was not in the sex department. But often the emotional, spiritual, even sensual led to those who were in the sex area to have a more fulfilling experience. I am perfectly fine with not being included in the sex, but also perfectly fine with helping those who wish to achieve it to make it more fulfilling. Everyone wins!

The only time a relationship like this is harmful is when one person decides they want a one-on-one relationship, instead of the fulfilling one they had been in for years. When they seek a one-on-one without being open and honest with the others they are already with, it will be desructive, instead of positive. If it is a woman marrying a guy who was not fond of her having friends that were guys, sadly, the woman will leave all her fulfilling relationships, and go isolate herself with that one guy who was not willing to see her totally happy. Often, it is a new guy that enters a relationship where there are more than two people and he is not willing to join the relationship, or even get to know the others, but decides he wants to take that gal away from what makes her happy. Sadly, the lady will often go, and later lament how sad she is, or attempt to meet with her friends secretly for fulfillment. But anything done in secret never works out in a positive way.  Everyone loses when one in a group relationship decides to not tell, or include the new interest in the more-than one relationship. For them to work, everyone must always be aware of everyone else involved, and accepting of it, or it will fall apart real fast. Integrity, honesty, and openness are the key. As soon as one of those is gone, there is no longer a trust, and it all must go away.

The only way to have a true relationship is to be open and honest. When one is isolated, they lose their happiness. But if they wait until it is too late to present what they know to be a great way to have relationships, it cannot be done. It must be open from the beginning, or it will fail.

It has been a few years since I have been in any relationship at all, and I am totally fine with that. I am not seeking to be joined to anyone. Although it is jokingly tossed about that “Jon has many girlfriends”, and of course I play along with that, because it actually does appear that I am in many relationships, but in all reality, I happen to only interact momentarily with any of my supposed girlfriends.

I of course always joke about my “girlfriends”… Nor do I have any “boyfriends” either. Nope, I am not opposed to either. If someone, or many someones, came along that fit into my life, and uplifted my Spirits, emotions, and mental well-being, and I did the same for them, I absolutely would not hesitate to be in a relationship with them.  To me it should not matter if that human has a penis or a vagina, since those are merely physical aspects. I could love anything that has a soul … but is has to fit nicely with my own soul … a fit that would present itself without sacrifice, without convincing, without coercion. It would just fit, and happen, no planning, no hoping, no scheming.

I have often in my life been referred to as “An Angel”. This is not of my own choosing, nor would I call myself an Angel. However, when others refer to me as either “an Angel” or “Their Angel” or “Guardian Angel”, often outsiders will agree. I am ok with that. If I truly am an angel, and was sent to help with that person’s life, situation, or circumstances, I think there is no better “title”. But similar to any other Spirit, an Angel is not meant to be held by just one, nor would an Angel enter a relationship with the one they were sent to help. I do not understand why, but often those who call me “Angel” also seem to think I should be in a relationship with them. I guess I see it as “Keep your personal life separate from you work life”, Meaning: if I am an Angel, My work is to guide, protect, help, and get going in the right direction. My role would absolutely not be to claim that one as my own., or to in any way take on the role of “partner”.

As to why I say I do not need or seek a relationship, unlike most of the Humans on this Earth? Well, To make it simple, I am a Very Spiritual person. I connect with nature, with The Indian Spirit, and with The Eagle. Just like any of the above, if those are fenced, or placed in an unnatural environment, they will wither, and no longer be free-spirits. An Eagle is beautiful to watch, admire, and learn about. Tether or cage an Eagle, and it will no longer be of any interest because it will not be allowed to soar. Cut down a tree, and yes the wood is beautiful, and can be admired, but it no longer can stand tall, providing Oxygen, cleaning the air, or providing shade, and homes for numerous others in life. Remove an Indian from his plains, and wilderness, and he no longer can connect with the Free Spirit of the Universe, can no longer provide for his people, and can no longer thrive.  Similarly, if I was caged, I would no longer be who I am.

The ONLY way I will end up in a relationship is if someone happens to walk beside me in life, free in spirit, uncaged, and also stands tall in the wind, the sun, and all the elements of life. Wanna know who is the right one, or ones for me? The one(s) who happen to just fit into my life, or I happen to fit into theirs.   That someone, or someone(s) will be aware of who they are, know fully what they believe, but also be open to learning and changing as they grow and change in life. That person, or persons will know why they feel the way they do, will love themselves first, and thrive on helping others to feel that same freedom. The one(s) I end up in a relationship with will be Spiritual, Free, and full of Wonder.

Meanwhile, I do not wait around looking, seeking, or hoping for anyone that might choose to join me. I waited long ago, and I learned the hard way that only leads to disappointment. Now I go forward with my life, not looking over my shoulder to see if anyone is wishing they had tried to walk with me. If and when the day comes that I am meant to be with another, I will see them right beside me. It will not be a chase, nor a bargaining to get with them. I know fully who I am, and will happily welcome anyone who also has discovered who they are. But they gotta know who they themselves are before they could possibly want to join another.

You are welcome to watch me soar as an Eagle. You are welcome to enjoy the shade, or breathe my Oxygen of me as a tree, or even climb up me to get out of the flood swirling at your feet. You are welcome to ride the plains, worship the Spirits of The Universe, and be one with the wild animals with me as an Indian. I will even help you to find who you seek to be, but don’t think for a second I will be caged, or taken out of my nature.

Love Yourself first. You are a Beautiful Human. You were made unique, so that only you can decide what fits best in your life. Once you find who you are, then you will be amazed at what you can find in a relationship.