After placing the first three, I was feeling quite a bit better. I actually felt enough of a spiritual lift that to interact with other humans would not be a bad thing, so I headed to The Container Park to grab a Hot Dog. (I have not stopped for a Dawg in two months! And Hotdogs are such an important part of my life, you know I was not in the right path!) There are many reasons I have not gotten any hotdogs in two months. I will go into those in later posts.
|This is the first time I've loaded a video in my blog...|
Hope it works :)
Not one person noticed what I was doing as I placed and photographed each miniature Duck. It made me giggle to wonder what would be the reactions of those who discovered them. I spread Ducks all down Fremont Street from 13th all the way to Main. I posted a photo of each as I did. Kinda like a treasure hunt with a wee-bit of background showing… wonder if anyone that sees them online (I also shared to Twitter and Tumbr, but have not looked for notifications in those sites) will go find them? And if they do, will they share the photo with me?
|Felt great to smile! A Real smile 'cuz I was enjoying it,|
instead of just a pretend smile!
Would I begin to pretend for one minute that just because I had one evening of joy and happiness that I am completely out of the blahs/ blues/ funk I was in? Nope. I got a long way to go. It will be many ups and downs. It will be a struggle to regain the magic, the joy, and the freedom I need from the imprisonment of depression. One of the things I’ve learned is that the magic will not just appear, nor will the joy. I know I have to create it, give it, spread it before it will ever surround me. Yup, as much as I hate it, I gotta pretend it is there, to make it until it really is there.
Depression will overtake me if I let it. It already has a deep-rooted seed in my spirit, and does not take “no” lightly when I tell it to go away. So many people think I am always happy. I wish I was as happy as they think I am. I absolutely hate all the complainers and whiners in the world. I refuse to be one of them. I would rather fake a smile, and have a glimmer of hope than to always frown and believe there is no hope.
I Know I am Not Alone in this Struggle. I have many friends who also feel it. I cannot pretend to be the one to help everyone, but I will be there for anyone in need! I cannot make it all-better, but I can promise you won't be alone in the struggle.
No matter what your struggles are, I hope you at least recognize them, and take even one tiny step in the direction you need. Want someone to take that step with? I will walk with you. I know how it is. I will not pester you with questions, nor demand you pretend to be happy. I will support you, love you, and be there with you.