Friday, December 19, 2014

Turning Demons into My Own Personal 12-Days of Christmas!

The Demons we fight come winter holidays …
Scratch That! Now it is: My Own Personal 12-Days of Christmas :)


Demons? Hmm.
I started this Blog as a Writing about Demons of The Winter Holidays, by the time I got to the bottom, I needed to change it to “My Personal Twelve Days of Christmas”.
Interesting that my first thought when I attempt to describe what I struggle with every December is the word “Demons”.

Would it really be called a Demon, or is it just an easy way to label the struggles I face?
“The Holiday” season is supposed to be a cheery time of year, right? It is supposed to be when we feel Thankful, Blessed, and full of all sorts of Joy, Delight, and in the mood to give gifts, celebrate, and be together. Or is it?

I used to be the person who could create the magic, make the miracles happen, help everyone who was in need find the light in the darkness. I used to be the one who had the ability to transform anyone’s view of what might have seemed like a bleak occasion into one of their most cherished, blessed, and joyous times. Yes, even when I have been at my poorest, and seemingly without a dime to buy a crumb, I could manage to find the spirit, spread the spirit, and help others be in the spirit.

It seems in recent years, I JUST DON’T CARE.

So many thoughts jumping through my mind right now, almost impossible to put the thoughts into proper words, let alone proper sentences that would even seem logical to write or read.
Aches
Focus
Depression
Purpose
Money
Hair
Home
Busses
Portland
Las Vegas
Greif
Love
Sunshine
Beach
Snow
Phone
Guns
Groceries
Coffee
Suicide
Death
Flying
Seizures
Allergies
Computer
Naked
God
Art
Adventure
Nature
Spirit
Dogs
Hot dogs
Muffins
Microwave
Ice cream
Tutus
Ducks
Magic
Sleep
Social Media
Life
Mind

So since I cannot focus on any one thought right now, I just listed all that is racing through my mind in the past Minute. Maybe it was two. But my mind is definitely overwhelmed right now with all that is swirling in my brain, heart and soul.  They are in no particular order, just as they came through my mind to my keyboard.

Every single word could be an entire day’s worth of writing.

I have a lot to sort out, figure out, search, understand, and find peace with.
One of the things I have often learned (and also easily forgotten!) is how much better I process things when I take the time to sort, meditate, write, and find the peace with each situation. When life tends to get a bit overwhelming, is when I let them all bunch-up, swirl, and cause me mental distress … which leads to physical distress.  That is where I am at right now.

It is amazing how just merely focusing, and clearing the mind helps. Just in this past few minutes of writing these out, I have already realized what I must do.
I started writing this today as a “Woe-is-Me” blog. I was gonna list all my worries, complaints, circumstances, and reasons I am not able to go forward with the magic, the miracles, or the spirit. But just an hour after starting to write, I already have a clear (well, less-clouded) mind and spirit. Nope, I did not find this clarity on my own. I only get myself in trouble when I do it alone. That is how I got where I am today. This time, I remembered to ask God to guide me, help me, and hold me. Yep, I am aware many of my friends do not believe in God. That is totally fine. I would never ask them to believe as I believe, nor would I expect that they understand My relationship with God.

There are Twelve Days Left in this year. Perfect! This will be My Personal Twelve Days of Christmas!

Between Now and New Years, I will work on creating the changes I need to make my life have meaning again, make my life turn back to the positive direction I need.

Yup, That is correct. I am creating a Twelve Days of Christmas that is to my fitting, not a pre-arranged calendar that the world marches to.


In this Twelve Days of Christmas, I will focus on eliminating the things that are distracting me, and adding the things I am missing that are much needed.