Just a few Crappy Thoughts...

“Do You Like Fudge Tracks?”

That is the question a female coworker asked me the other day.

My reply was: “I Prefer Moose Tracks.”

Moose Tracks Ice Cream!

She and several coworkers burst out laughing, and I realized then that she was NOT Referring to Ice Cream Flavors.

(and, No... this does not in any way connect with "Camel-toe", "Moose-knuckle", or any other random term connected with what may or may not be visible of one's anatomy inside their pants) ~=:-)... although, I likely would be more willing to openly discuss those topics rather than their unclean habits of how they mess their underpants!

I am not sure how the discussion began, but by the time she included me in it, others had already been discussing the prevalence of “fudge tracks”…. Turns out they were discussing underwear, and the streaks they seemed to think everyone had (has?) in their underwear. Ugh!

Just when I thought I had begun to understand humans…

Seriously??!  Well, I guess you could say I might be a bit naïve in this area. It is not often the subject of one’s unclean habits comes up in regards to how well they wipe their butt.  I really would have been happy to continue NOT Knowing this about others. This is not the first time I am a bit disgusted in Humans and their behaviors. Yes, I have spent a life-time inquiring and learning about what humans do… But is it wrong to believe that this was the type of activity that I thought most left behind by the time they were ten? And then to discover that others do not believe me when I say I keep myself clean, never have marks, tracks, or remnants in my underwear!

Yeah, yeah… I know… Ignorance is Bliss…. Perhaps I choose to remain ignorant in some areas. I mean, really… we ALL Do, Right? We choose what we want to know, or not know about others to allow ourselves to be able to get along with them in our daily lives. But every time something like this comes-up, I find I am Quite Disgusted by Humans.

It often seems I am all alone in this area of life. The area of hygiene, cleanliness, and perhaps slightly obsessive quirk about making sure I am clean, Always. It seems the more I learn about others, the more Isolated I become, and not be able to comingle, or find anything to connect with them.

Forgive me for deciding early in life that cleanliness was not only an option, but for me, not anything I would ever allow to be unclean. Forgive me for deciding my underwear was not meant to capture anything I so lazily did not wipe, or remove. Forgive me for finding out how wonderful it felt to be clean and comfortable. But every time this topic comes up, others do not believe that I DO in fact clean myself very well. I offer to show them my underwear, but they say “Eww, gross! No!” Because they believe my underwear must look like theirs.

It seems many are of the belief that the sole purpose of underwear is to keep those remnants from getting on the pants. Sorry, No. I don’t swing that way (pun intended). I will write a separate blog about the purpose of underwear (in my view… probably won’t match what most of the world thinks, tho’!)

This belief that most have about the filth of the back-side also explains why so many seem to believe naked would get poop on everything. It is no secret that I live my life as naked as is possible. But what baffles me is how often people seem to think that just because I am naked, I have poop on everything in my home. To me, my response to them is “What Is Wrong With You??!! Why on Earth would Anybody have poop on everything just because they are naked??” Sadly, they then look at me as if I was the disgusting one, seeming to not be aware of how I must be spreading poop. But they are the ones who are not aware.

Forgive me for learning early in life how to wipe my butt.

I tend to believe it is not at all a difficult chore… But I am often shown by others that it really must be difficult for them to grasp. Either that or they really do not care how they feel. There Really is a Wonderful Feel at knowing you are always clean!

I remember as a small child (I was probably 4 at the time) that one day I was taught by a family friend how to completely wipe, and make sure there is not a speck of anything remaining. She taught me how to properly fold the TP, and how to even get it wet from the sink to finish all the clean-up. She taught me how to not just wipe across the butt, but to be sure and clean where it came from, too. I remember how clean it felt by doing it thoroughly, and wondered why my own Mom, my Dad, or Grandparents had never taught me this. She could tell I really liked the clean feel, and she even understood that most people did not care enough to do this. She explained that most people would only use the dry TP, and be satisfied, because they were in a hurry to get off the toilet, and continue with their day. From that day on, I NEVER wiped with only a dry piece of tissue ever again. I tried and tried to tell everyone how to feel so clean, but like so many other things, they looked at me like I was the freak, weirdo, or just did not belong. So I learned to stop trying to help them.

I Always have wet-wipes under my bathroom sink, and even in my pack. When I have owned vehicles, there was always a container under the seat. But there have been times that they were not available… such as when I was younger. Mostly, My family did not believe in using wet to clean, so I was all alone in this area. But I found that I could always find a way to get a tissue wet, even camping, on long road trips, hiking, or any number of places where one may not find running water. Many public restrooms do not have sinks right next to a toilet, and all they have is pathetic dry tissue available for wiping (and often, they have run-out completely!). I learned that I could get a paper-towel wet long before I would need it, and fold it, wrap it in plastic, and tuck it into the waistband of my underwear for when I needed it later. (Ever wonder why that funny-double-fabric area, with openings is there in the front of boys’ underwear? I found it was the perfect place to stash a few sheets of tissue, even the wet ones in the plastic!) Ironically, every time I have been with others and they suddenly discovered there was no TP available, I would be the one to “magically” make some appear. They never asked where I had it hidden. To me, it was not an option to leave the house without it.

It also surprises me when I hear of people who have somehow run out of TP at their home. How Is This Possible?? Likewise, I hear often of those who use a public toilet, only to discover After they have done their business that there was no TP available. I cannot grasp this. Why would they NOT Check first?? And why would they also not have any of their own with them?? I guess I really am the freak, huh? I have NEVER Been without TP in my life, Nor have I ever Run out at home, or found that I suddenly was without in a public place.

While I know I cannot change the world, Is it Asking Too Much to ask the world to clean their butt?? Ugh… Humans!

Sorry for a Sh**y Blog-post…. But this was bugging the crap outta me (Pun intended!) and I needed to get it written….

...and, yes, I can prove to anyone who does not believe me... Anytime ya wanna look at my underwear, you will NEVER find any tracks... whether Moose, Fudge, or other. I keep clean, thank you very Much! ~=:-)