"Where is My Birthday Card?"
If I close a door in my life, it will remain shut.
That door remained open far too long, if it is needed to be permanently shut.
It is never sudden.
It is always after exhausting all other options.
Sadly, those who find themselves on the other side seem to think it is sudden.
A recent door-closing was addressed by one left outside now. Her first words: "I can't believe what you did to me."
Followed by: "I was saddened and hurt that you did not have a birthday card waiting for me after I returned from my birthday trip."
This sums up the selfish nature that caused me to remove this person From my life.
I asked her to leave matters where they were, and we could each just move on knowing it did not work for longer than the first three months. October, November and Half of December were great! After that it all went screwy. I left peacefully, hoping she would accept and move-on herself. She decided that was not satisfactory. She blew up my phone after I asked her to leave me alone. I have given her all the reasons we needed to part ways, she seemed to not believe I was really going to leave. Once I did, is when the peace, and healing should be happening. Suddenly this is a surprise to her, and she wants to hear it all over again. All of her desires and attmepts to relive it all again were easily ignored. EXCEPT when she said she was Saddened and Hurt that I never gave her a Birthday Card. REALLY?? Ok, Two thoughts run through my mind... Perhaps she really does not have a clue about treating people badly, and there being consequences, or she is playing games.Possibly even both. Some people love to create and encourage drama. This is whhta makes them feel included somehow. I work very hard to remove drama, squash it and distance myself from it. Either way, This blog will serve as notice to anyone who I have ever removed from my life. I will allow anyone to do anything they choose in life, UNTIL there is Harm. The Rule is simple: Harm Noone. Ever. Once willful, and purposeful Harming of anyone begins, It Must End.
If someone works especially hard to show me my thoughts, concerns, and needs are of no concern to them, yet seems to think I should be waiting inside the door for her return to give her a birthday card? Nope.
I asked her to leave matters where they were, and we could each just move on knowing it did not work for longer than the first three months. October, November and Half of December were great! After that it all went screwy. I left peacefully, hoping she would accept and move-on herself. She decided that was not satisfactory. She blew up my phone after I asked her to leave me alone. I have given her all the reasons we needed to part ways, she seemed to not believe I was really going to leave. Once I did, is when the peace, and healing should be happening. Suddenly this is a surprise to her, and she wants to hear it all over again. All of her desires and attmepts to relive it all again were easily ignored. EXCEPT when she said she was Saddened and Hurt that I never gave her a Birthday Card. REALLY?? Ok, Two thoughts run through my mind... Perhaps she really does not have a clue about treating people badly, and there being consequences, or she is playing games.Possibly even both. Some people love to create and encourage drama. This is whhta makes them feel included somehow. I work very hard to remove drama, squash it and distance myself from it. Either way, This blog will serve as notice to anyone who I have ever removed from my life. I will allow anyone to do anything they choose in life, UNTIL there is Harm. The Rule is simple: Harm Noone. Ever. Once willful, and purposeful Harming of anyone begins, It Must End.
If someone works especially hard to show me my thoughts, concerns, and needs are of no concern to them, yet seems to think I should be waiting inside the door for her return to give her a birthday card? Nope.
If I repeatedly try to find a balance in our home, yet every concern is ignored, sorry no birthday card.
If I say hello when I see you, and you "harumph" at me, sorry no birthday card.
If I ask that you provide a 'potty mat' in the kitchen for your dogs that are locked-up all day, and you refuse, yet allow pet waste to remain all over the floor, occasionally placing a floor mat on top of it, instead of cleaning it up, sorry no birthday card.
If you 'forget' every Thursday night that it is my scheduled/ allowed time for access to our washing machine, no birthday card for you.
If I scrub and clean the kitchen when I come home so I can actually use it, and you work hard to make it filthier by morning than it was before I even cleaned it, no birthday card for you.
If you insist on poisoning me with the non-stop airconditioning, giving me a lung infection, no birthday card for you.
If I am forced to eat out, costing me a fortune because you make the kitchen filthy, unhealthy, and un-usable, no card for you.
If you continuously 'forget' to let me know you have a 'client' coming to our home, only to catch me by surprise when I am face to face with a stranger in my home, no card for you.
I absolutely hate moving/ changing homes. Yes, I am aware of the irony in the fact that at age 46 I have lived in at least 60 homes, maybe more. (I will have to count again.) as a result of hating to move, I will stay-put usually much much longer than I should.
And YOU have the nerve to say "I can't believe you did this to me!"?? Nothing is sudden. Many Mnay months, I tried. Finally, I just geve up, "retreated", and thought I just needed to suffer, and not have a peaceful, healthy home. Then it dawned on me. I Deserve Better. This is My Home, too. For three weeks prior to my moving out, I left three separate notes explaining why I was moving, also withholding rent due to your lack of care about a clean and healthy home, a back patio smeared with pet waste, a kitchen floor so covered in pet waste, I needed to put shoes on just to enter the kitchen, and the smell was nauseating, kitchen sink overflowing with moldy, filthy dishes, food smeared on every surface, and not an inch of clean useable counter anywhere. You wadded-up and threw away the first two notes. (Yet you want to now insist you never saw them.) Maybe you should have not thrown them away where I would see them if you wanted to claim you never saw them. Also amazing that you always found the rent money in the same spot, so nice try. If you had not seen and read the notes, you would have wondered and asked why there was no rent paid for three weeks. I left a third note Saturday night before you left for your trip, explaining I would be gone before you returned. Not only was that note gone Sunday morning, but you had cleared everything off the table along with it. Sunday as I left for work, you said you would likely be gone before I returned. I told you that I would likely be gone before you returned also. You did not reply this time. All your actions showed me you wanted me to leave, but also that you wanted to pretend to be a victim because I left. Sorry, you cannot have it both ways. You Chose. I Left.
The list of why I left is long. You want to pretend you have no idea why. Maybe you truly do not have an idea. This would match your two immediate statements about my leaving: so of course you "can't believe what was done to you" and the priority to your needs is "Where is My Birthday Card?"
And YOU have the nerve to say "I can't believe you did this to me!"?? Nothing is sudden. Many Mnay months, I tried. Finally, I just geve up, "retreated", and thought I just needed to suffer, and not have a peaceful, healthy home. Then it dawned on me. I Deserve Better. This is My Home, too. For three weeks prior to my moving out, I left three separate notes explaining why I was moving, also withholding rent due to your lack of care about a clean and healthy home, a back patio smeared with pet waste, a kitchen floor so covered in pet waste, I needed to put shoes on just to enter the kitchen, and the smell was nauseating, kitchen sink overflowing with moldy, filthy dishes, food smeared on every surface, and not an inch of clean useable counter anywhere. You wadded-up and threw away the first two notes. (Yet you want to now insist you never saw them.) Maybe you should have not thrown them away where I would see them if you wanted to claim you never saw them. Also amazing that you always found the rent money in the same spot, so nice try. If you had not seen and read the notes, you would have wondered and asked why there was no rent paid for three weeks. I left a third note Saturday night before you left for your trip, explaining I would be gone before you returned. Not only was that note gone Sunday morning, but you had cleared everything off the table along with it. Sunday as I left for work, you said you would likely be gone before I returned. I told you that I would likely be gone before you returned also. You did not reply this time. All your actions showed me you wanted me to leave, but also that you wanted to pretend to be a victim because I left. Sorry, you cannot have it both ways. You Chose. I Left.
The list of why I left is long. You want to pretend you have no idea why. Maybe you truly do not have an idea. This would match your two immediate statements about my leaving: so of course you "can't believe what was done to you" and the priority to your needs is "Where is My Birthday Card?"
Good luck former Roommate. I hope you find the peace and understanding you need.
I have left a bad situation. I have made it so not only am I moving, but have to move two times in one month. I already have found plenty to surround myself with that is positive, healthy, and uplifting. I decided to put this into a Blog so anyone that might think they are "Suddenly" behind a door I have closed, might see it for what it really is.
I have left a bad situation. I have made it so not only am I moving, but have to move two times in one month. I already have found plenty to surround myself with that is positive, healthy, and uplifting. I decided to put this into a Blog so anyone that might think they are "Suddenly" behind a door I have closed, might see it for what it really is.
The photos in this blog, I do not have proper credits for. Each of these four photos crossed my path as I was in the process of saving my own life. I failed to also research and save the original author of them.
We all will face challenges in our lives. Hopefully each of us learns to better handle, adjust, and move on before those challenges become problems.
We all will face challenges in our lives. Hopefully each of us learns to better handle, adjust, and move on before those challenges become problems.
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I welcome comments. Please be polite and respectful. It is ok if you disagree with what I write, but it is not acceptable for you to be mean or slanderous. I Do choose to moderate comments, only to keep the peace. You can bet I will publish your comments, even if we disagree, just play nice. Thanks! ~=:-)