WHY ARE YOU TOUCHING ME??

The Fist-Bump vs The Hand-Shake:

(or: WHY ARE YOU TOUCHING ME??)

 

This thing that is so popular in Vegas called the fist-bump drives me absolutely nuts! Before moving to Vegas I had not had the “privilege” of being in an environment where they utilize the “Fist-Bump”. This is a totally new thing to me. Perhaps you are familiar with it, Or you are like me, and asking “What Is The Fist-Bump?” Well, when a man sees another man he knows (or has seen once before), he makes a fist, and holds it out at chest-height, and the other man is expected to do the same. Then they bring their fists toward the other one, and “bump” knuckles. Sometimes it is done at waist-height, but mostly at chest-height. It is done, not in a rough manner, but very gently, almost tenderly. It baffles me, and I find it quite disturbing, even creepy.

My Very first day at my job, I was taken up to The Pizzeria after orientation, and introduced to the cook who would be the one I started my training with. When the manager told him my name, I stuck my hand out to shake his hand, and meet him. He held his fist out toward me, and looked puzzled as to what I was doing with my hand. He kept his fist held there, and said “fist-bump”. I had no clue what he was attempting, and wondered why he would not shake my hand. He never offered his hand, nor his name. After a moment, he lowered his hand, and just stared at me. The manager could see where this was going (nowhere) so she then took me to see the schedule, and complete my orientation tour.

The next day when I reported for my first day at The Pizzeria, every man I was introduced to, also attempted this fist-bump. Not one would shake my hand when I was introduced. They all looked at me like I was some sort of freak because I did not understand what to do with their special, secret-club-fist-bump. Every woman I was introduced to gladly shook my hand.


As the days and weeks went on, I was getting more and more creeped-out by these guys. EVERY Single time any of them sees you, they want to fist-bump. There are thousands of employees in my work. Every man in the place wants to fist-bump every other man they see. They want to fist-bump every time they see you, even if they just saw you five minutes ago. What is up with all these men who barely know me always wanting to touch me? It does not matter if your hands are full, or theirs are. It does not matter if you are busy, or if you are trying to handle food. It does not matter if you are unloading hot-molten pizza from the oven. They expect, and want to fist-bump! So, then ya gotta stop, and go wash your hands again to continue your job. But they do not see this as a problem. They want to stand right next to me, fist-bump me, and then just stand there… RIGHT NEXT TO ME. They do this to every male they can. Creeeepy!

I finally got to a point that I could not stand it anymore, and started asking everyone why this was so important to them. I asked the meaning of it. I asked why they felt the need to constantly touch me, and stand literally in my space. Not a single person could answer these questions. One person (a woman) suggested that “perhaps you are not cool enough for the fist-bump.” (To which I replied, “Good! If that is cool, I’m fine not being cool!”) To me, “cool” is not copying what everyone else is doing. Several of the guys’ immediate response to my inquiry was, “It’s NOT GAY if THAT is what you are thinking!” (Well, the fact that I had indeed thought it to be a gay thing, and they are so quick to defend their wanting to touch and be really close to other men, would only help convince me it truly is a gay thing.) I never see another man do a fist-bump to a woman. They only do it to another man. I really would not care if it was a gay thing, as long as they admit the truth, and don’t force themselves on me. Finally, one person suggested it was “like a hand-shake”. Ha, Hardly! I told them it was nothing like a hand-shake, because a hand-shake shows respect, and is done once when you meet someone, and on occasion when you have not seen them in a while. A handshake is never done every single time you see someone. Once you meet someone and shake their hand, you do not go up and shake the hand of someone you hardly know every time you see him. A hand-shake does not have anything tender, and soft about it. The fist-bump is all about touching another man gently, and softly, and tenderly every time you see him. I find that creepy. So, I continued asking, and explaining the difference. Every single person I asked thought I was some sort of freak for even thinking about it. They all deny that the reason they do it is to touch another man, yet none of them can come up with a valid reason for it. They claim they are not touching another man. So, I ask them exactly what they are doing, and they look like I just asked them to recite the entire periodic table.

My work is not the only place I see this. I see it all over Vegas. The tourists Never do this. The residents do it. I see every male that sees another male he knows do this. I have seen it in places I frequent, and on the busses. People who recognize me around town try to do this every time they see me. Even the bus drivers want to do this to me. They look at me funny when I do not readily want to be touched by them. I question their need to want to touch another man, and they do not understand the question. (Fortunately the people in my apartment complex act like they are scared of me, so none of them attempt to fist-bump me when I am coming or going.) They all do it to one another, but not me. That is Good! But everywhere else I see familiar men, they always want to do this. What is wrong with them? Why can’t they greet me, give a smile, and maybe ask “How are you?” Why can’t they actually show a genuine interest in another human? Why are they so intent on touching others? Has nobody ever taught these people about personal boundaries, or inappropriate touching?



Trying to talk to people about it is has proven pointless. The people who wish to do this really are only focused on what they want, and anything else falls on deaf ears. They Really want to Touch Me, and it bothers me a lot! I have never been fond of people I am not friends with touching me in any way. Only people I trust will I willingly allow to touch me. Others have no valid reason to invade my space. Why would anyone want others constantly touching them? About the best defense I can have is to just keep moving (it’s hard to hit a moving target!), and pretend I did not see their attempt to fist-bump. If they can ignore conventional greetings, I can ignore their attempt to force themselves inappropriately on me. I can smile, look them in the eye, and say “Hi”, and keep moving. Maybe, possibly, they might one day return the smile, or look me in the eye, or even say a friendly greeting. Maybe one day they will find a bit of genuineness can actually feel wonderful.


On September 11th, I realized why it bothers me so much. September 11th, hundreds of firefighters gathered at The Stratosphere for a commemorative stair-climb to honor the firemen who died ten years before in the New York World Trade Centers. This event was really positive, and uplifting. It had fire fighters show up from all around the Vegas Metro area. Not only were there firefighters, but also their families, too. Many of these people have been in each others’ lives for many years, having been through good times and bad. They have supported each other through every possible thing one could imagine. Many had never before met, and many were re-united after long absences. Some were new to the gathering. Many worked together on a daily basis. Many only saw one another in quick passing while on the job. This day, they could relax, and chat a bit. They greeted each other with smiles, made eye contact, and eagerly shook one-another’s hands. They asked “How are you?” and “How have you been?” For the new ones, They said, “Nice to meet you.”

What did I see with the fire fighters? I saw Real People, who actually cared about the person they were greeting. I saw people who understood the formality and genuineness of The Handshake. I saw people who understand what a greeting should be, and when to do it. Once they greeted each other with the hand-shake, they did not shake hands again in five minutes when they saw one another again. Not a single person in that gathering fist-bumped. There was no shallowness in their greetings.

I realized from the firefighters what I actually had known, but did not allow myself to put into a real thought. The Fist-Bump stands for exactly the opposite of what The Hand-Shake does. The hand-Shake is about respect. The Hand-shake can seal a deal. The Hand-shake can show care, concern, and a real genuineness between two humans. The Fist-Bump is a shallow attempt to pretend closeness, and somehow act like there is a connection between people who have absolutely no genuineness between them. The fist-bump is not about respect. The fist-bump is about forcing yourself on someone. Those who fist-bump do not look each other in the eye. They do not ask “how are you?” It IS seemingly a “club-membership”. It IS seemingly a mutual “coolness” for those who need to feel cool by being exactly like the others. It is a connection to those they can never connect with. It represents the opposite of The Hand-Shake. That is Why is bothers me so much. That is what The fist-bump represents with the people I see using it.

Here is a photo of me meeting Roger Daly, Owner and Founder of Omnitrition, a multi-million-dollar vitamin, and health-supplements company. He is a multi-millionaire, and one the most respected people I ever worked for. He has respect, and gives respect. He taught me how to make a lot of money. He was very happy to meet me, AND SHAKE MY HAND. Could you imagine if he went around Fist-Bumping? He would not have had much respect, nor be very successful. He made his millions by shaking the hand of every single person he ever met. He looked them in the eye, and asked them “How are you?”

As you look through our world’s rich history, could you imagine what would have happened if people refused the hand-shake, and instead tried to fist-bump?

Imagine this scene. The famous Golden Spike Handshake. May 10, 1869, the completion of The Transcontinental Railroad in Utah.

There are so many historical events that are accompanied by the hand-shake. (I could list them for hours, and show hundreds of pictures... you are welcome to look them up for yourself.) It represents trust, honor, respect, unity, and peace.

A hand-shake is offered when thanking someone for providing a service. In that hand-shake, there is often a folded amount of money offered as a tip. Could you imagine offering a fist-bump to someone who had just done a service for you? That would offer quite an insult to the service provider, and could not offer such a gratuity. You can bet if the service provider got a fist-bump, that person would be less than eager to provide good service to others. You want good service, give a hand shake, and ensure you get it, and that others behind you also get good service. A little respect goes a long way.

A hand-shake is offered as a sign of making peace after having fought. Can you imagine approaching someone in which you wish to have peace with a raised fist? I guarantee you will not invoke peace. You will invoke further animosity and fighting.

Perhaps the fist-bump has different meaning in other places. Fortunately, I have not been in those circles previously. I have been all over The United States. I have seen many cultures I did not understand. But none has been so prevalent, or disturbing. Usually these sorts of things are localized to specific parts of a city, or certain little groups, gangs, or clubs. I have often encountered people who wish to utilize some sort of “cool hand-shake”, but they never want to force it on someone who is not part of their little group. Those people would still give a real hand-shake to anyone not in their little circle. But in Vegas, this seems to be throughout the entire city. There are exceptions, of course. The fire fighters showed me that they are from every part of this city, and the surrounding areas. So, that shows me that perhaps I need to find a different group of people to be around. Now that I have figured out what it means, and why it bothers me so much, I just have to figure out how to make it work for me while I am here.

I am always seeking new information, and want to learn about my environment. I was sure the fist-bump did not ONLY exist in Vegas, and since Nobody in Vegas could give a reason for why they do it, or what it means, I started to scour the web to see where else it exists. I find thousands of photos just from the tag “fist bump”. The most common ones are seemingly to show victory, or a challenge met, in some form or another. For reasons I cannot understand, President Obama is pictured doing this. Is He really that disrespectful? Do people not expect him to show respect, like any other important elected official? Does our President support violence? Is this why so many foreign countries do not have any respect for Him? Sporting events seem to have it numerous times. It would seem that the fist-bump in these instances would be a replacement for the “High-Five”. All of these seemingly show a positive, mutual desire to share the joy of some victory. In each of these, I also notice the people make eye-contact, and are smiling with a quite-pleased –with-their-success look on their faces. These people All have the same look of a common connection, and mutual trust, understanding, and respect.

The thing that does not jive with me, is people are making a fist. A sign of anger, or violence, and raising it as to hit someone, then gently, tenderly touching. How is this a good thing in any way? Yes, I see the pictures, and the looks on their faces. The fist is totally inappropriate for something that would be joyous, and non-threatening. When did the clenched fist in a raised position suddenly become non-violent? Fortunately, I was not first-approached on the street in this manner. Fortunately, I saw it first in a supposedly safe environment of my work. I am not so sure I would have taken lightly to someone on the street acting as if they wanted to hit me. Along with the hundreds of Obama, and sports-team members doing this I see thousands of babies where people are creating a fist-bump with their baby. If a baby reaches out to someone, and is fist-bumped instead of having that person hold the hand, and show it love, what will it teach the baby? It teaches the baby to make a fist, and hit someone. An open hand would welcome that baby’s hand, instead of teaching that baby to hit, and withdraw. An open-hand is a welcome gesture. A Fist is the opposite.

Wikipedia suggests the fist-bump started in boxing and other fighting, where the gloved, or wrapped hands made a hand shake improbable. It also suggests it got strong roots in sports, and in the ghettos. This is no surprise. I have not found any reason for its popularity, and seeming replacing of the hand-shake.

The fist is a sign of violence, anger, challenge, or fight. This does make sense. Sports, and ghettos are all about the fighting, the anger, the challenge, and mutual hatred, always having to out-do another to make yourself look good. I can understand why opponents would welcome the fist-bump. I cannot understand why those on the same team would want to show a sign of anger, or violence toward a team-mate… especially after they have just won a challenge. Shouldn’t they want to show support, joy, trust, and respect? I have never understood the mentality of those who thrive on sports, and this showing of aggression toward their own teammates just helps to baffle me further. And I know President Obama is really into sports. Could it be that he is wishing to run America as if he were on a sports-team, and looking at everything he does as “facing the opposing team”?

I have been asking everyone who does this why they like it. Most do not know, and have never given it a thought. It has been suggested by many who do this that "It is all over The TV, and it looks cool", or "They did it a ton in the movie Wild Hogs." Well, those examples both help justify my distaste for it. If someone is copying something they see on TV, just to look cool, and without understanding, or even knowing WHAT it is, that shows they are just wanting to look, and act like someone they are not. (There are many reasons I do not watch TV... this just helps show another reason.) And the guys doing it in the movie Wild Hogs... That movie was created as a humorous look at how some people want to pretend to be something they are not. That movie is a perfect lesson in how not to behave... but it seems some interpret it in just the opposite way, and missed the whole moral of the story.

These roots and reasons for it also help to justify my dislike, and not accepting of the fist-bump. There is nothing I find acceptable about fighting, or challenging another. There is nothing acceptable about acting like something you are not, or acting like you support violence.

I strive to keep my world violence-free. I had to fight for my survival way too much in life. I abhor anything that represents violence toward another. It really bothers me that so many people want to encourage violence, and promote symbols for violence. Just because everyone else thinks violence is cool, does not mean I have to accept it, and be part of it. I have to live among it, but I do not have to be part of it.

When I meet you, I will not raise my fist toward you. I will offer my hand. If you raise your fist toward me, it shows you have no respect even for yourself, let alone another. It shows you are looking for a challenge. I will not play along with your game. If I know you, and do not trust you, I will simply greet you, but will not touch you in any way. I expect the same in return. If we trust one another, we will shake hands. If we have missed one another, there likely will be a hug, too!

If you happen to find good in the fist-bump, I would love to hear a valid reason for it. If you see the raised fist as a good thing, please tell me why. If you see anything about this gesture as a good thing, please explain, and help those of us who do not understand this. If you have no explanation for it, perhaps that is the key. Ask yourself why you do something in which you do not understand. If you do it just to copy others, ask yourself why you would want to copy another, instead of being true to who you are. If you find joy in touching another man, please tell us why. If it is not a gay thing, then help us understand what it really is. If it is a gay thing, just be honest. Honesty goes a lot further than deceit. I will have more respect for you, if you admit your motives, rather than attempt to touch me in a creepy way. I still won't let you touch me, but I will respect you for your honesty. Help those of us who do not understand why you would want to raise a fist toward someone, then touch them gently, tenderly, softly, and repeatedly. If you want to touch someone, make sure the feeling is mutual, and do it in a manner which is not about violence, or to be creepy.

Meanwhile, if you are not a close friend, STOP TOUCHING ME! It’s bad enough that you come across as creepy, and do not even know a reason for your own behavior, but then you really want to be sure I cannot trust you? Come on! I gotta work with you, wouldn’t you want to build trust, instead of making me always wonder about your motives? Keep a respectable distance, and save the intimacy for your buddies who enjoy that sort of thing.

Here is a T-shirt i think I should wear....

Have a Wonderrful Day... In Your own personal space, not in mine. ~=:-)

"But Grampa, Why Would Anyone Want a Picture That Looks Fake?"

Can You Spot the Major Flaw??, a photo by JOn's ~=:-) view on Flickr.

What is Wrong with this Picture?

This is a postcard of My Favorite… The Stratosphere. I have been looking for a decent postcard of the Stratosphere since I moved to Vegas 8-months ago! (I Like postcards as bookmarks.) I found this one, liking the shot , and angle of The Strat. But before I even picked it up to look further, I saw something that I just cannot accept, and almost did not buy it. But I decided to buy it anyhow just for the humor, and to see if anyone else notices what is incredibly wrong. The only ones who would notice, are those familiar with where The Stratosphere sits in relation to the rest of The Strip….and Know which direction is North.

This Photo of The Stratosphere was taken facing North. The trouble with that, is The Strip is South of The Strat. The Strat, taken facing North, was added to a Photo of The Strip taken facing South! And The other major flaw: The location where it is shown in this shot is at least a mile from where The Strat actually sits. Then, add to that, they chopped-out about a mile of The Strip, and moved the rest North to take the place of the missing stuff.

My Grandpa was a wonderful photographer. I almost always admired his work. He was extremely proud of his skills, and he had a right to be. He always made a point out of learning how to use your camera to capture the moment, and how to best represent what was actually the scene you were attempting to capture on film. From what I remembered of him, he was always saying to rely on your camera, and skills, not on after-the shot editing. I liked this approach, because I also believe a photo should capture, and represent what one sees when taking it. He worked tirelessly to know the abilities of his camera, and to learn what settings would create different desired effects. The skill was in the photographer, not in the editing afterwards. While many of his photos were not “perfect”, they were accurate.

One of his photographs which was framed, and hung on the wall showed a small waterfall in a stream. It was a beautiful photograph. It captured the serene beauty of this spot in nature. It captured the cool mist that hung over the mossy rocks, and even captured the crisp, clear, water. You knew that if you were to wade into that stream, it would be Very cold, yet refreshing. He captured the scene very well… But there was one problem. The part where the stream flowed as a waterfall, was feathered, and soft, instead of looking like a waterfall actually looks. I asked him why the waterfall did not look like a waterfall, but like someone had replaced it with some feathery-substance. He was patient, kind, and almost always willing to explain the way things worked. This was no exception. He explained about long-exposure, and how it made the waterfall appear soft, and fluffy, even feathery, instead of sharp, crisp, and splattering. I understood from his explanation what happened, and how it worked. What I could not understand was why he would purposely make a beautiful waterfall not look like a beautiful waterfall. He explained that people like the feathery, soft look of waterfalls in a photograph. This just totally boggled my mind. I was only a little kid, but this was setting off alarm-bells in my mind. “But, Grampa, why would anyone want a picture that looks fake?” This gave him a good chuckle. We discussed at length whether some people who liked the photos like that had never actually been in nature to see, understand, and appreciate what a real waterfall looks like. He explained that some people do not want what is real, but they would rather have something else. He also explained that the “real” photographs do not sell very well, and people want to buy the ones that are altered somehow. He often took with me to his Country Club. Inside The Club were many wonderful photographs on all the walls. He and I would talk about them, and he would explain why each was a desired photograph. He would ask me to find which ones were “actual” photographs, and which ones were “altered, or somehow not accurate”. To me, that was easy. I noticed all the little things that gave away that they had been altered. I Liked the unaltered ones. His friends also enjoyed this, because many of them had not ever given any of these photographs a glance, let alone looked at detail, or what made them popular. Grampa was happy to discuss the details, and even explain why the alterations were made, and what group of people those alterations appealed to.

It did not take me long to understand that the people who liked “fake” pictures were also the people I did not care to spend much time with. I liked people to be real, and was attracted to things that were real. I Liked honesty, even as a kid. I do not mind things that are unreal, or altered, or even illusion… as long as they are presented as such. When it bothered me was when people tried to pass off something that was not true, as a truth.

My Grampa was a great jokester, story-teller, and entertainer socially. He made sure everyone knew he was pulling their leg. He had many wonderful photographs. Some were altered, but most were captured to represent the real scene.

Portlandia Statue, on her perch above 5th St.

Long before “photoshop” became available, I remember how there was a court case in Portland that had everyone all worked-up. I do not remember what the case was about, but what I do recall is that it made headlines daily, and they made their final decision based on photographs entered as evidence. The court ruled that “Photographs do not lie”, and based the verdict on the submitted photos. The next day, on the front page of The Oregonian was a photo which proved that court’s theory wrong. There is a Huge statue titled “Portlandia” in downtown Portland. Every Portlander knows this statue, and is fully aware that it sits atop a building overlooking 5th St. She is kneeling on the roof, reaching one hand down toward the sidewalk below, as to scoop-up a tiny pedestrian passing below her. Her perch is 5 blocks west of The Willamette River. The Oregonian successfully created a photo showing Portlandia perched on The Seawall, reaching her hand into The Willamette River to scoop up some water.

I would never claim to be a professional photographer, nor would I ever claim my photos are in any way perfect. I DO enjoy photography as a passion. I have loved photography all my life. I Do take hundreds of pictures on any given day. I take pictures to capture, and preserve the moment. The fact that others enjoy what I capture is a bonus. I Currently have 18,000 photos in my Flickr page. I get an average of 1000 views a day on my photography. Many have been treasured, and coveted by those who view them. My work has been used in magazines, advertising brochures, news papers, and even used for people’s own profile pictures on their own web-pages, or social sites. My work has been in countless blogs for travel, hobbies, restaurants, humor, news and any interest you might imagine. I have been asked by artists if they may use my work to create a painting. Often, those in my life have commented I should go pro, and are amazed to find out I Never alter a single photo. I take pride in capturing the photo as it is, as real as when I was there. I do not use any editing software ever. Once I click the shutter, that is how it stays. Are my photos perfect, and flawless? Nope. Are they as real as this imperfect life, and world in which we live? Yup. That imperfect, real-life view matches how I approach life. Make it as good as you can, and take what you get, but never deny the harsh realities, and accept what it is. Make the best out of what ya got. Never claim something to be true that is not.

But many in our world call an artistic creation a photograph, and lead people to believe they are somehow an amazing photographer. If they claimed to be an artistic creator, using a photo as a starting-base, I would not object. But to claim to present a photograph, when it is not, is just a lie. Ironically, I have seen photos taken at the same time, and same place that I took a photo. Mine are straight out of the camera, the other is edited. Even posted side-by-side, the two photos cannot be identified as the same time and place, because the edited one has altered so much of what is real, and known to be normal out. They add clouds, they smooth the water, they change colors, remove reflections, add sparkle, remove glare, remove a lamp post, person, or a tree. They create an artistic creation with a photograph as a base. But what is surprising to me, is that people flock to the edited one. People seem to believe it is real, and the photographer happened to capture an amazing moment. The photographer of the edited one claims it IS a photograph, when it is in fact an artist’s creation. Our world seems to thrive on anything that is not true.

It seems that in today’s world, nobody wants to accept what is real. Magazines alter almost every photo, and on the rare occasion they actually publish an unaltered, unairbrushed photo, people are aghast at how awful the model looks. They want sensation, they do not want real.

I know many wonderful photographers. Many are professional. I do not for one second begrudge anybody who edits photos. That is their choice. I also understand many clients of the professional actually WANT a finished photo to not look like the real life. People pay for a service… in this case they know they are buying the services of a professional photographer, knowing that the finished photos will create an image that is not how they see themselves daily. That is totally fine. Those professional photographers do what they are hired to do, and they do it very well. In this situation, both the client, and the artist know what is real, and know what they are buying.

I see the joy, and excitement brought into the lives of both the client, and the artist. For many of those I know who are professionals, I even highly recommend their services. They do wonderful work, and are great at what they do. I will be the first to admit that I totally suck at photographing Humans, and often have declined when someone has asked if they could hire me for that purpose, because I know I would not capture what the client wanted…. Even IF I were to start editing, I could not do Humans justice in that area.

What Do You See When You Look At A Photograph? Are you attracted to illusion, or do you seek the real thing? Perhaps you have never really paid much attention either way.

Next time you visit Vegas, Take a look at The Stratosphere, then look at this photo. Hurts the brain, doesn’t it?

I Hope you have a Safe and Wonderful Day! Thank You for reading My Blog! JOn ~=:-)