Who Pea'd in My Food??

Who Pea’d in My Food??

I Absolutely Hate Peas.

There are very few Foods I Hate. There are many I am allergic to, or dislike, but few I hate. Peas are Absolutely hated. Perhaps my body is trying to tell me something about them??

Yes, I am aware they are nutritious, cheap, and add color to meals.

There are however many Vegetables that can be used and actually taste good, and won’t make me gag or throw-up while eating.  Many times, I will not purchase a food item if peas are even in it. Similarly, the same goes with Bell Peppers. If there is a choice, I will skip both. Often, however, I can determine there are only a few in the food, and not that big of a deal to pick them out.

As a child, our house-rule was : You gotta at least try everything served on your plate at a meal. We were never forced to eat something. We had two choices: Eat it, or go hungry. Simple. But we were not allowed to make a big deal outta what we did not care for. We simply would try it, and then ignore it if it was not something we liked. If we did not eat our meal, there was no dessert. That was a totally fair rule.

Most of our friends and neighbors also had similar rules at meal time. One neighbor, however had a “You must eat everything placed on your plate” rule.  I was somewhere around age five to seven the night we ate at their house that would forever scar me. I do not recall what they served totally that night, But I do recall they piled mountains of Peas on everyone’s plate. The peas were not mixed in any other food, just a pile of Peas. The other food was not anything you could use to disguise the peas to get them swallowed. I made a point to try the peas first, so I could get it out of the way. I immediately almost threw-up, so of course, I just ignored them for the rest of the meal. I Did eat everything else on my plate, and in my opinion, they had piled way too much food on my plate for a kid my size to eat. But I finished everything except the peas.

Well, the mother in that house was an absolute Bi*** and made the rules, and never allowed anyone to have any flexibility. Ever.

I absolutely could not eat the peas, without throwing-up. She told me I could not leave the table until my plate was empty. I tried to tell her why I could not eat them. She got angry, and demanded I follow her rules in her house. Of course, my parents, trying to keep her calm, told me to “try”. Nobody was allowed to leave the table until everyone had finished their entire plate. So I had ten people all upset and waiting on me to eat the pile of Peas. This did not help, because I also cannot eat when there are angry people around me.

Well, of course the peas were cold and worse than before. I did as I was told. And after a few mouthfuls of peas, many gags, and swallowing the uprising vomit, I could not hold it back. I tried drinking more water, but nothing was gonna stop the surge. Needless to say, I think I made my point. I managed to vomit all over the entire table. I did not stick around after that. As soon as I vomited, I got up and left the house. Nobody tried to stop me.

These neighbors were long-time neighbors, and family friends. After that, any time they had us over for dinner, the Mom of that house ALWAYS asked about what each of us would eat, and even let us each dish up our own plates. Without trying, I managed to teach her a lesson in being a good neighbor. But without trying, she also taught me a lesson about learning to stand-up for what I know to be true, especially when it comes to my own health. Throwing-up is never fun.

I never could eat peas, even before that. But after that, it became absolutely impossible to ever eat a single one.

Now, back to why this is a topic today.

Well, I am living in a way that is difficult to prepare decent meals. I own no cookware, I have no microwave, and trying to create decent meals is a bit of a struggle. I own one skillet, and have an oven. That combined with long work days, and commutes, makes it so I am always trying to find something decent to fuel my body. Well, I bought one of those skillet meals. They are labeled as “Meal for two”, but really are only enough to serve one person. I chose the one that seemingly had very few peas.

Last night when I opened the package and poured it into the skillet, I was a bit disgusted to see not just a few peas that needed t be removed, but More Peas than any other veggie. Ingredients labels are supposed to be listed in order of quantity.

Well, the label listed the Peas last, And the photo also showed proportionately very few peas. Mind you, I am well-aware of what food-packaging photos are meant to do, but this one was not even close to what was inside.

So, I began the process of finding every pea, and removing it from my meal …

Holy Crap! Really?? 105 Peas! So I counted the Broccoli and Carrots, too just for curiosity: Carrots: 18, Broccoli: 13.

Once I finished counting, and making sure not one single Pea remained, the meal really was good! Although I was quite disappointed how few Broccoli and Carrots there were...

It made me laugh, cuz one friend I snapchatted the Peas photos to, asked me “Why are you counting Peas?? And she had a puzzled look on her face, Yet I can send any weird, silly, naked, or just plain goofy Snap, and she does not question it one bit.  Hey, She has a fair question. I mean, really, WHO COUNTS PEAS?

Well I did this time, just because I was curious.

Who knew that what started as a simple meal would turn into many photos of entertainment, bewilderment, and even a blog?

Hahaha, and of course my own caption of Who Pea’d in My Food is also fun, since it sounds like someone actually Pee’d in my food! Well, to my body, either one would be poison, and make the food unedible. So might as well have fun with the play on words since I gotta deal with Pea in My Food! As you venture through life, May your meals be Pea-Free. If ya happen to find someone has Pea’d in your meal, Please count, and take pictures. :)

Oh, and I'd Love to have you join me on SnapChat! "halfaniceday".

The Places We Go

The places we Go…

No, Not as in… where Our Lives take us… But rather, Where We Choose to take care of relieving ourselves in life. 

Gotta Pee?

We, as Humans make normal, natural functions way too complicated. More specifically, where we blow our noses, spit, pee, and dare I even mention… Go Poop!?

Ya know it is funny, how we as humans have so many hang-ups about natural functions. Yep! I fully admit I have my own hang-ups about the human ways, my own included.

But I have pondered how to address this topic long enough! The time has come to let-it-all out (no pun intended).

You might ask what triggered my desire to actually finally put into words? Well, many things, actually! I have been trying to find the right way to bring it up for many, many years. I have always found that this topic seems to be one that is considered taboo, or off-limits, except to a rare, few close friends. I actually have written about this topic many times, but only briefly, not allowing myself to fully- open-up the barriers I have put up around my own life. I even have gone so far as to write at least a dozen starter-blogs about it, but never could find the right words, feeling, or motivation to continue. I even have read a few blogs from friends addressing similar topics… and have noted that my own writings are very different, and wanted to finish telling my own story… but never did.

I recently moved into a new apartment, and because it is so tiny, there really is no secrecy, or privacy when others come to visit… this would include how easily any sounds created in the bathroom are heard throughout the apartment.  I told myself that at my new place, there will be no hiding of who I am, and what I believe. I told myself I would be open, and not ashamed one-bit. I told myself I would be bold, and those who accepted me in their lives would do so, regardless of what I had not yet told them. I told myself I would live my life in my new home as I did when nobody else was there to see. I told myself that anyone who visited me also would accept me for who I was, or they would not be here in the first place. This thought-process also helped me to finally write about the most-forbidden topic of erections. (Although as of right now, I still have not published that one.)

Well, Yesterday, a friend was over, and I had to go pee while she was here. I closed the bathroom door (well, what would sorta- qualify as a door…) And pee’d in the toilet. Even as I did this, I was asking myself why I would do something so completely different just because a friend was here? She commented while I was peeing about "Well, at least I know your Prostate is healthy!" Meaning she obviously could hear every sound from the tiny bathroom just feet from where she sat. Then today, when I had to laugh about the aroma of the fresh-brewed coffee, (read about that  Here ), only to realize it was while I was peeing in the sink, while bushing my teeth, did it hit me, that I was not being true to myself… nor to my friends. You say, “Wait, What!? Did I just read that right??” Yup, you did. I will get back to that later. For now, the more important issue is why have I chosen to hide who I am? (I already know that answer, as I am sure you do… We fear what others may think. Plain and simple, we live in fear.)

If I was outdoors with a friend, say hiking, or someplace that was not in the middle of a city, it would not be abnormal to just go pee, without a toilet, or even a door to close, not worrying one bit if anyone saw me, or if I pee's in front of them. So, why do I close a door, or even use a toilet in my own home when another is here, but I would not do the same when home alone?

While I have many hang-ups about having been born with a penis, and all the inconveniences which a penis creates, I also admit there are benefits. One of those benefits is the fact that I can pee standing up… hehe, or dare I mention… while laying down, sitting, or even while upside down?! Yup! Having a penis makes going pee very easy, often fun, and even sometimes entertaining. (Wanna read a funny-version of why God gave man a penis? Here’s a blog I wrote about that: Here: )

I learned as soon as I was out of diapers that I did not need a toilet to go pee. I loved to be outdoors, and seldom went inside just to go pee. Anyone who was around me knew this about me. The trouble was in learning how and when it was appropriate. It baffled me how hung-up some people were about this. It took a while, but I finally got a balance, and understood what, and when was accepted, and what and when was not. I even learned at an early age how and where I could pee, even indoors, without having to use the toilet. (Toilets, and the way many people allowed them to be filthy always disgusted me. I would go to great lengths to always aim appropriately, and Never miss my intended target. The thought of having to go pee where others had made a mess made me sick to my stomach.)

A lot of boys like to pee at the same time, using the same toilet. They find it fun, and do not care if their pee splatters on each other, or outside the toilet. I always found that disgusting. I could not, and would not ever pee with another like that. Ironically, though, I could easily share a toilet with any female friend. Yup, as little kids, we discovered how a girl could sit, scoot back on the seat, and allow me to pee into the toilet in front of her, while she pee’d sitting down. Of course, my girl-friends already knew I would Never get any on them! This is what made it acceptable, and fun! The girls who were my friends felt the same way I did about the way most boys behaved about pee… It disgusted them. That is how we could be so close, and share such an event… we had a mutual understanding that pee was never to be on another, or ever outside the intended target. 

Inside the bathroom, if I was faced with a disgusting toilet, I discovered the shower, the bathtub, or even the sink (with a step-stool) were easily used. I could easily aim at the drain, and use the water to wash it all down, and nobody would complain. Nobody who ever saw me do this when I was a child would have a problem with it. I also learned where and how it was appropriate to go outside. I knew not to pee where anyone would walk, or where it would stain, or even be smelled by others. I knew to not go where someone would sit, or play. This included swimming pools. I understood what a clean pool was… whether a small wading pool, or a big public pool. It did not matter, I would never pee in one. (Rivers, streams, ponds, lakes, and oceans were completely different, though.) Basically, I learned to go where it would never be a problem for anyone else.

But what about other bodily wastes?? Yup, those, too! ~Grin!

WHAT ABOUT SPIT?:

I always hated how and where people would spit. I found it to be disgusting that others would spit where someone would step in it, or touch it somehow. I learned to spit in places where it would never be stepped-in, touched by another, or cause a problem for anyone. Yup, I spit. But I spit into a bush, into the dirt, or against a corner of something that would not be obvious, touched, or unsightly. I never would spit on a lawn, because people like to sit, lay, and play in the grass. I was disgusted how others would spit in the lawn, and not think about who would later get that spit on them. If I was on concrete, if I had to spit right then, I would be sure to spit into a crack, or in a corner, where it would never be seen, or touched by anyone. In many cities, spitting on the sidewalk was illegal (although they seldom cite for this anymore, I still could not fathom spitting on a sidewalk.) If I needed to spit while I was on a sidewalk, I made sure to get it into a crack, Never on the surface!  Spitting while swimming? That totally depends on what kind of spit, and what the environment is. If the pool is properly chlorinated, a bit of spit will not be a problem. (Provided it is simply spit, not globs of snot!)

WHAT ABOUT SNOT?:

Snot, boogers, or whatever you want to call it, it happens.  I have my hang-ups about this, too. Many people do not, and that has always disgusted me. Even as a child, the notion of picking your nose, or wiping it on a sleeve, or other clothing was just not acceptable. The worst, is when I see boogers wiped (or flicked!!) on a bathroom wall! People, there is tissue right there! I know a lot of people seem to think that as long as they think no one can see them, they can pick, flick, or wipe, and it not be a problem. A lot of people also do not feel the need to even be discreet about this. Germs, people, germs!! Not me. I cannot change that I am not comfortable with this. For me, it has got to be a tissue of some sort. If a tissue will not get the ‘booger’, then I will use a Q-tip. The idea of using a finger is just not good for me.  And what about “Snot-Rockets”? To me, those are completely disgusting. If someone feels they need to dispose of whatever is in their nose, yet they feel it is perfectly fine to spray that all over themselves, on anyone else nearby, and on every surface they are within shooting-distance of, I find that completely unacceptable. Again… Why would you want to spread that everywhere??

There is one exception, though. In the shower, I find it completely acceptable to blow your nose under the running water. One time when I was a roommate in a house with many people, the topic of “Blowing your nose in the shower” came up. I walked into the already started conversation. Jodee, the mom, was disgusted that her grown-daughter, Holly had blown her nose in the shower. As I came into the room, Jodee asked me what my opinion was of this. My first reaction was to find out how this came up in the first place. Jodee had been in the bathroom while Holly was showering, and heard her blow her nose while showering. Jodee was disgusted by this. Holly found it to be perfectly acceptable. I laughed, when they told me the debate. I agreed with Holly. Jodee was disgusted that we found this acceptable. I told Jodee it was a good thing then that she had never watched what I do in the shower. She of course asked what I meant by that. So, I told her it was no different than peeing in the shower, as long as it is in the running water, and not all over the walls, it should not be a problem. Oh! This got everyone started! More of our roommates came to join the fun conversation!  She could not believe I pee’d in the shower. Then everyone else also told her they do, too. Jodee thought even peeing in the shower was wrong. She insisted there were different plumbing-fixtures for each kind of drain-water, and how could anyone dare to pee where a shower drain was? So I of course told her it was no different than peeing in the sink. This really got everyone going! Most people knew I never worried about if I pee in the sink, or the toilet, or the shower. We eventually had to open the crawl-space under her house and show her all the pipes connected to the same place. Poor Jodee was never the same after learning she was the only one who did not blow her nose, spit, or pee in her shower.

But outside of the shower, I find it wrong to blow your nose into your shirt, onto your sleeve, or in a snot-rocket. The idea of spreading your germs to everyone else, and where others will touch your discarded snot is just not a good thing for me to grasp. Yeah, I have my quirks, and while I am a germ-freak in many areas, others, I am not. Snot is one of those I am a freak about.

WHAT ABOUT POOP?:

Yeah, yeah. The dreaded, off-limits topic of poop!

Poop Happens. Yeah, it happens, but why do people gotta make it noisy, advertise it, and be completely rude about it? I cannot understand why anyone makes weird noises, or acts like it is the most difficult thing they’ve ever done in life. No, I am not talking about the farts that occasionally accompany the act of going poop. I am talking about the grunting, heavy-breathing, sighing, groaning, and acting like the simple act of pooping is somehow like an exorcism, or like they are somehow attempting to remove every bit of their internal organs. Even worse are those who sound like they are having sex when they poop. It baffles me. Just go. My advice for those who find going poop to be a difficult task… Have you ever considered you are not placing your body in the position that best works for your own comfort of elimination?? Think about it. Most people sit on a toilet in the same exact position as everyone else. They are hunched-over, cramping their torso, and binding-up their organs. But I gotta ask why? Did it ever occur to them that maybe that position is not helping, but is actually hindering, binding-up what needs to be free-flowing? Yeah, it really is easy to find what works for your own plumbing… but most seem to think they need to cramp-up all their organs, instead of create an easy-flow. Which also brings up the point about why people seem to like to “Explode” all over the toilet when they go. Why?? Simply eat  what your body needs, go when it is appropriate, don’t cramp-up your organs, and Find what works for you.

I will never poop at work, and always make sure I take care of that at home on a work-day. (Yes, Always! I simply will not poop at work. I don’t, and will not.) I hear people comment that they cannot control when they gotta go. I feel sorry for them, but also believe they are not taking care of their own body, eating what they need to eat, and learning how to be on a schedule, routine, or plan accordingly. Maybe I am just different. (~Duh!~)  But learning what works for your own body, how it affects you, and when it will or will not make the need for pooping arise is something we Do have control over… IF We choose to pay attention, and do what is needed to be healthy.

I am in no way saying I will not ever use a public toilet. I absolutely will, and do. I just simply will not ever poop at work. I have never needed to, and hopefully will not ever.

Is the topic of poop so totally off-limits that it is never to be talked about? Well, it would seem if a person is in control of how often they poop, or is never constipated, it is totally off-limits. If a person has irregularity, has sudden needs to do so, or has problems, or is gassy, or has ‘accidents’ in their pants, makes rude noises, advertises the fact they are going, or is explosive when they do go, then it would seem it is totally acceptable to talk openly about. I fall into the first category. I go on a regular schedule, have never in my life been constipated, and take care of making sure I eat what works for my own body. This makes me the weirdo in the room. The same goes for the farting. Sure, I fart, But I just never saw a reason to create more farts than are necessary, nor to make sure others hear, smell, or be subjected to them. I tend to be discreet about this.

I have never understood why people will spend hours on a toilet. I say, go when ya gotta go, not go sit, and attempt to force something that is not happening. If ya gotta go, you should be able to sit, go, and be done in minutes. I also never understood why people say they can tell how long it takes after they eat before their body eliminates the waste, using corn, or peanuts as a visual guide. Huh? Why on Earth would there still be whole corn, or peanuts in your poop?? Yup. I have asked many, and done research on this, because this too is something totally different in me than in most it would seem. My body does infact digest these items.  I have never pooped out corn kernels, peanuts, sesame seeds, or any other substance undigested. Of course I look at my poop! What better way to understand what your body is or is not doing? You can tell by your own waste if you are getting enough fluids, enough fiber, protein, etc. Our own waste is one of the most important ways we learn about our own bodies.

On the topic of looking at poop: Yep, I look (at my own, not yours). Nope, I won’t touch it. I have my own quirks about what I will and will not come in contact with. Poop is one of those I will never touch. Period. You always hear about (or worse~ See!) evidence of people who do not clean themselves, or their toilets very well. Sorry, but you will Never see any poop, or remnants of poop on me, in my underwear, or on, in, or around my toilet. EVER! I am beyond anal (Pun totally intended!) in that department of cleanliness. Yup, I was taught very early in life how to wipe, and be clean. I always make sure clean is the way it is when it comes to poop. Even away from home, you will always find that I carry tissues, wet-wipes, and baggies. It baffles me how many people go into a public restroom, and are caught by surprise that there is nothing to wipe with. How is this possible? Ha! They even do this in their own home. They suddenly notice After they have used the toilet that there is no tissue. To me this is not an option.  Cleanliness in that department is not an option, it is a must. When ya gotta go, you always look first. Also baffling to me is how most people will wipe only with a piece of dry tissue. Umm… When you wash your face, hands, or anything else in life, would you simply use only a dry tissue? Nope! Everything in life you ever wash, clean, or wipe is done with some sort of moist item. How come people expect that they could wipe their butt with no moisture, only a dry tissue? People! Clean Yourself, Live healthier!!

This of course brings up the topic of pooping in nature, or even when you would rather not use a toilet which happens to be available. To me, that also is no problem… haha, in fact, if given the choice to go outside, or in a bathroom, I will always choose outside! Yeah, yeah, I am aware most people will say “Ewe, that’s gross”… but is it really? Seriously think about nature, and how it works. If done properly, going to the bathroom outdoors is much more efficient, and sanitary than anything could be in a bathroom where everyone does that same thing, it must be piped to some treatment plant, processed, and then pumped into whatever water-system is nearby… often our drinking water. If done properly, there is never a sanitation issue in nature. Nature knows how to properly take care of it. Simply make sure you know how and where is proper. Don’t just poop on the surface, near water, or where others will come in contact with it.

What about if you are in a house with a bathroom, but the toilet is not convenient, already in use, or others do not like to share the bathroom? (Or worse, the bathroom is too dirty, or smelly from others in the same house?) Simple: Grab a plastic grocery bag (or two!) And line a small bucket. Think about it… You bag and toss your kid’s dirty diaper, your cat, or dog’s poop, right? Why not treat your own the same way? The same would be true if ya gotta pee… a bucket, bottle, or other container is easily utilized, and simply poured into the drain. (You do the same thing if ya gotta puke, right, why not with pee? In fact, your vomit has much higher germ and bacteria than your pee does, yet you do not think twice about puking in a bucket.

WHERE DO YOU PEE?

I mentioned at the beginning of this post that I was not true to myself about when and where I pee. Much of my life, I have battled this. Why is it so wrong, or so unaccepted by others to go pee anywhere outside of the toilet, with the door closed, out of sight of another. Yeah, I know that answer: Fear. Fear of rejection, humiliation, scorn, having to defend our actions, and possibly risking offending another, or being ridiculed.

All my life, I have pee’d in places most would not. Unless I told someone, or they saw me, nobody would know. There is never any sign, or evidence of where I have pee’d. On the rare occasion that I do not have perfect aim, I Definitely make sure to clean it up. I mention this in my post about the hitchhiker, where a neighbor girl had sneakily watched as I would pee in the floor drain of our laundry room, and when I missed one time how she had to stifle her giggles as I made sure to wash the area with hot water.  Of course I use toilets, too. But you will never see any splatters on the rim, on the seat, or outside of the toilet. Ever! On the rare occasion I might get a drip, or a splatter outside the water of the toilet, I clean it up. In my opinion, a toilet should always be clean, spotless, and never have any residue of anything we have used it for.

I began this post writing about the odd places I will go pee. I have never hidden this from anyone, although I have been cautious about how, and when I allow another to know. All my life, I have had roommates. All my life, I have had others visit my own home. Never has anyone ever seen any evidence of where I have pee’d, nor have they ever found my homes to be disgusting in an un-clean way. (Yes, I always have clutter, often my homes are dusty, or piled with unsorted piles of stuff… but never is there any unsanitary, or germy residue.)

One of my favorite places to pee is in the sink. Yeah, Most people are not built so that a sink is a convenient height to go pee in. But do ya suppose that maybe I was built the height I am so that a sink is The Perfect fit for me? Yup! I can pee while brushing my teeth, washing my hands, doing the dishes, or even while making the morning coffee. If I gotta give any of my rubber-ducks a scrubbing, yup… I can just pee while I am scrubbing them! Filling my water-bottles for an outing? Yup! I can go pee as I fill them, and be ready to head-out the door. Of course, living life mostly naked has its advantages in the department of not having clothes in the way of when you decide to go. No, I Never pee on any other item that may be in, or near a sink. Like I have mentioned before, I am a total freak when it comes to aim, to being aware of germs, and anything unhealthy. My sinks are always clean. I aim into the drain, always wash it down with Hot water, and if ya never saw me, or I never told ya, you would never know.

Occasionally, the only evidence that I might have pee’d in a sink is the baby-powder that might land around the sink. (And because I unfortunately have testicles, the imprint on the edge of the sink left from the powder is often quite funny! I hate that I have to deal with these hanging in front of me, but as long as I do, might as well find humor in them!) Yes, Baby-powder. Actually Cornstarch with Aloe and Vitamin E! Like I mentioned earlier… I Keep things clean. Powder is a wonderful way to keep clean, dry, and never have any discomfort. And, since I also keep clean in the department of having no body-hair, I never have the issue of hair landing in a sink, on a counter, or even on toilet-rim. That, too, totally disgusts me when I see others’ hair left around. People, Take care of your own hygiene!! IF you are leaving your hair for others to deal with, that is disgusting! Take care of your own hair!!

On the topic of Urine, or The Places We Go… When I was in New Mexico, I got the opportunity to visit The Gila Cliff Dwellings. These are cliffs where long ago, the natives would reside, and make their homes in the side of a cliff. They had caves, and hollowed-out areas where they lived. They lived with nature, used nature, and found ways to utilize all their natural resources. This would also include their own bodily wastes. As the tour-guide showed everyone around, and explained the life-style to us, he also explained about how the hides were tanned, making them into strong, durable, yet soft leather. The guide showed how wood was varnished and preserved. He even showed how the clay pots were glazed. As each person passed these items around, felt, and admired the finished-quality, noticing how the natives had accomplished such amazing finishes so long ago, the guide explained about a substance called Uric Acid. All of these items were done so perfectly using Uric Acid. Everyone felt, and admired these details. Then the guide asked if anyone knew where Uric Acid came from, since they did not have a hardware store to get it from, they must have created it themselves. But where could the natives create it from? I grinned as I noticed nobody else made the connection. The guide teased the question about for a while, then noticed I was grinning. He asked me what I knew about Uric Acid. I smiled, and told the group “Urine”. They all looked in dis-belief. So I again said, “Urine… thus, Uric Acid.” They looked to the guide to be sue I was not teasing them. He grinned, and explained more about uric acid, and how they applied it to these fine substances: They literally pee’d on them! Everyone immediately put the clay-pots, the leather, and the varnished wood down, and looked disgusted. The guide and I both laughed. Then he explained how sterile urine is, and how useful it can be when used properly. Most of the tourists were disgusted. They could not appreciate nature. Some of the tourists, however, Did Embrace this aspect of nature, and were suddenly more interested in how these natives had lived so long ago.

Also on that subject, When you think of a toilet, do you think “Disgusting!” Or useful item in your home?

I had a friend long ago, who was also a Grandma. She was not my Grandma, but I could see mine doing the same thing. The Grandmother would do something funny if a child in her home misbehaved during a family meal. She would make the child take their plate into the bathroom to eat their meal alone. She would make the child sit on the toilet, facing the back, not forward. They would place their plate on the top of the tank, and eat their dinner at a lonely table, instead of at the family table. Most people when they heard of this would automatically think: “That is disgusting! How can she make you eat where it is so filthy!?” But of course anyone who ever met this lady, or saw her home, Knew without a doubt that the toilet was clean. Sadly, most people assume a toilet is somehow filthy (Perhaps that is a reflection of their own cleanliness, and they cannot grasp the simple concept of keeping a clean home?) Yet, they also assume a kitchen counter is somehow clean. Sadly, more germs are found on a kitchen counter, than on a toilet (providing people actually take care of their cleaning) because people don’t think about what comes in contact with a counter, but know what comes in contact with a bathroom. Oddly enough, her grandkids would purposely misbehave on occasion, just for an excuse to get away from the family!

So, with that in mind, I will ask you:

Where do You GO? (And Would You Admit it?)

Would you pee in your sink, if you were tall enough? Do you pee in the shower? Would You poop in a bucket? Do you secretly go pee outside when you think nobody can see you?

Your first reaction to my post is: EEW! You Are Gross!

But I challenge you to find anything gross about my home, my cleanliness, or my habits. I am betting you would find that I actually have cleaner habits than you do. I am betting your toilet, sink, or kitchen counter is germier than mine ever would be. Care to take the challenge? 

That Wonderful Smell.. Of Your Pee!??

Ahh… The wonderful moment when You smell the Aroma of Fresh-Brewed Coffee…

…Then you realize that aroma is coming from your pee…

WAIT! WHAT??

You mean You do not find enjoyment in everything you do in life? You do not learn, laugh, and understand why your pee is suddenly scented, or colored differently?? Oh how you are missing out on some great parts of life…

You know how it is: You are not really focusing on the fact that you are peeing, you smell fresh-brewed coffee, smile, and enjoy the aroma. It is wonderful. It delights your nostrils, makes you smile, and gives you that feeling of “What a beautiful morning!” Then you laugh. You laugh and wonder how many others have done the same thing? You wonder if you are the only one who notices your pee smells just like whatever you have recently consumed. You begin to think that you have never before heard anyone else ever mention this. But do they notice, and just never say anything, or do they not notice?

Ever notice what your pee smells like? Could it be I am The only one who notices such aromas? Could it be because I often pee in places that others do not? (But that is an entirely different post… it will be titled “The Places We Go”) I tend to be very attuned to my surroundings, and smell, or scents play a key factor in my daily life, the memories, and even the feel of any given moment. Who sez going pee needs to be just a necessary chore of life? I say, enjoy it, and find all there is to learn about the body in the process! Also, in addition to noticing the scent, have you ever noticed how your pee is colored differently, depending on what you have consumed? (Yeah, yeah… it is yellow… but there are Soooo many wonderful shades, hues, tints, and brightness of yellow!)

You Know you have had either the perfect amount of coffee, (or possibly too much!) when you go pee, and the aroma of fresh-brewed coffee rises up to greet your nostrils. The aroma of Coffee is usually a welcome aroma… even when you realize it is coming from your pee. But there are other items we consume which scent your pee as well. Some are delightful, and some are not so pleasant.

One of the funniest (surprising) aromas I can remember is the time I ate an entire bag of Funyuns. You know… those onion-ring shaped “Chips” (for lack of better description), that have  a sweet-onion flavor, are super salty, and once you eat one, you cannot stop until that bag is entirely gone! 

Well, after I ate that entire bag, the aroma from my pee was not entirely as delectable as the original flavor and aroma when they were still in chip-form. It was quite comical, though, because it was unmistakable as the aroma that eating Funyuns would create! Sure, the smell was still of onions, even sweet, too. But it also had quite an overwhelming pungency…. But not in a bad way. It is really difficult to describe, so I guess you’d just hafta try it for yourself!  And be prepared to laugh at yourself, and how the amazing human body processes all we take-in, and how different items completely change the chemistry in our bodies.

There are soo many other foods, beverages, etc that change the chemistry in our own bodies. Take, for example, Pineapple (or pineapple juice ) on how it is used to help change the way …umm, shall we say “taste”? (Yes, of course I am gonna dare go there!) Perhaps you have not heard of this… Let’s say you happen to enjoy various activities with your partner, activities which may involve your mouth, and their… umm, shall we just say “regions down there”. Many people do not like how a person tastes, but pineapple juice changes the chemistry, making it more “tolerable”. Of course, there are many other “flavorings” which work, too, but this is one that is more-widely known than some of the others. The point is that almost anything we consume Does change how the body smells, tastes, even sometimes feels. (Of course, it would be simple to apply something topically to change the scent, flavor, or feel… but that is like putting salt on the rim of your favorite Margarita… it is only on the edge, the flavor in the cup is still the same. If the margarita is not a good flavor, the salt only goes so far to cover it. If the flavor is changed from within, then you need not lick the rim to enjoy the cup… you can simply go enjoy the cup, and not worry about where the salt is not covering… or if you will run out of salt before you finish the cup.)

Enough about that area… let me get back to my original thought on the way our pee is scented.

Other foods which I have noticed create some particularly pleasant aromas, even more-fun colors, would include large quantities of popcorn, pretzels, nuts, chips, and cheeses. Even pizza, or bread-sticks loaded with butter, seasonings, and other flavorings! If you notice, most of these are high in salt. I have concluded that somehow the salt plays an important part in getting these scents into the urine, whereas other less-salty foods may have slight scents in the urine, they are not as noticeable. With the popcorn, it is especially fun to discover how the different flavors we often add to our popcorn creates various smells. Popcorn, all by itself is wonderful! But add lots of butter, and suddenly you have a smell of sweet, salty fresh buttered-popcorn! Make your popcorn cheesy, and you end-up with a wonderful aroma of cheesy popcorn! Of course, on the topic of cheeses: If you enjoy cheese, you know there are so many choices, and each is suited for its own occasion. You know how strong, or sharp, or smoky various cheeses are to the taste. Now imagine how much those same features become very prominent in your pee! Like smoky cheeses? Your pee will have a wonderful smoky aroma. Like Jalapeno cheeses? Yup! Jalapeno-pee! Like Extra sharp cheese? Yup… you get a very strong, sharp scent in your pee! How about nuts? 

(The ones that grow in nature, not the ones grown as part of a male’s anatomy!~ ugh, you all have such dirty minds… Oh, wait… I Do Too!) Every kind of nut creates its own scent. Don’t believe me? I guess you need to experiment for yourself! Keep in mind, I am talking large quantities of any of the above foods, not simply a handful, or nibble.

On the topic of beverages, Of course Coffee is high on the list of ones creating pleasant aromas. But almost any beverage would do the same if consumed in large quantities. Try various flavors of tea. How about your favorite fruit-juices? I like Cranberry Juice. But I only notice the smell appears when I drink it hot. Yup, just warm it in a mug in the microwave, and drink it like a tea... ~Ahhh, heavenly! And of course the smell is unbeatable as it scents your pee! Yup, even alcohol will be Very obvious in the scent of your pee. (Even tho’ I never drink any more, and it has been a very long time since I did experiment with alcohol.) I learned from my own experiences, plus by being near others when they pee’d.

I know I am not the only one whose urine is scented like what has been consumed, but the few times I have ever mentioned this to anyone else, they seem to think it is the craziest thing they have ever heard-of! I have often been around others when they pee, and have mentioned what scent I smelled, and they thought that was weird. I am always wondering why others do not notice their scent(s). I wonder if my sense of smell, or my awareness if it is different, or if it is simply that they never paid attention. I tend to pay attention to details many do not, and often those who notice what I observe are amazed. I tend to think the scent of urine detection is in that category. It seems that few notice it, and those few who do, would rather not admit, or discuss that they do.  

I have never been offended just because someone pees. Sure, it is often embarrassing, or somehow humiliating to either see anther go, or to have them see you… but as long as it is happening, might as well enjoy it, right? (I will address this topic more in the soon-to be posted topic of “The Places We Go”)

How about you? Have You Ever noticed what scents your pee has? Would you admit it if you did? Have you purposely consumed certain foods, or beverages to see what it would change? (And if you have not, … I am betting you will soon… !)

Meanwhile, I think I will have another cup of coffee…  Happy Pee-ing Everyone! ~=:-)
A Caution!: As if this whole writing isn't gonna already be a tad-off-color... I do not wanna totally shock ya. This Next Picture might be considered a bit more shocking. Yes, I am nekkid in this picture, but nothing is visible... except the coffee cup... I think it is funny, and fits this topic quite well, but if you aren't sure you wanna see me covered only by a coffee mug, then perhaps, either enter with an open mind, or closed eyes... Or just don't scroll any further. 

May You consume what gives you wonderful smiles as you pee... :)

Why Do Men Pee Standing up? :)

Why Men Pee Standing Up:

(A Humorous, yet seldom published story of the difference between Man and Woman)

When God was creating all that is good and wonderful, He took a day of rest. Adam and Eve were getting comfortable, and learning all about The Garden of Eden. After a few days, he gathered them for a meeting to discuss what they were learning, and to see if they had any complaints. Among other complaints, Adam complained that it was a bother to have to squat to go pee. God told them he had a solution. He had two more items to be utilized, but had not given them out yet. He explained that one would be for the woman, and one would be for the man. He would present, and explain the purposes for each, and let Adam and Eve discuss it between themselves to determine which would be for man, and which would be for woman. God wanted them to really discuss all the possibilities, and come to a mutual agreement as to why each should have the one they would get. This decision would be final, and could never be changed.

Both Adam and Eve were excited about this, and wanted to know what the two individual items were. God started to explain about the two items, and again to stress how important it would be to discuss the items, and all that came with them, before making a decision. Adam was really excited, and impatient, and kept urging God to hurry up and tell them what these items were. As God started to explain the two items, he began with an item that would be called a ‘Penis’. He began to list what this would be for, and the purposes of it. Adam, in all his eagerness was not paying much attention, and as soon as God mentioned that it “would allow whoever had it to pee standing-up”, Adam did not hear another word. Adam immediately started jumping up and down, and insisting he wanted that one. He was really excited! God, and Eve both tried to calm him down, so God could tell what the second item was, and they could learn, discuss, and make an informed decision. Adam would not listen to anything else. He Wanted the thing that would allow him to pee standing-up, and would not settle-down, until he got that. After trying unsuccessfully, Eve Finally turned to God, and said “Go ahead and give that to him. We will not know peace until he gets that.” So God Gave the penis to Man.

Adam was so excited to be able to pee standing-up! He pee’d on everything he possibly could, all over the entire garden. He danced, he pee’d, he sang about being able to do this while standing up. He ran all over the place, so excited about this new-found joy! He was the happiest, and could not imagine a better thing to have. This went on for many days. He could not pee constantly, so he used it as a play-thing. Adam was totally excited, and nothing else mattered. It was all he talked about. He found that this new found thing could entertain him endlessly, and he could do so much with it. All the animals, and even Eve were getting tired of his excitement, and learning how he could use this thing. They tried to stay away from him, but There was no place in The entire Garden where he did not use his new-found toy. He did not care what anybody or anything else thought. He had a penis! Life could not get any better.



After many weeks of this, with a sigh, Eve finally asked God, “By the way… what was the other thing we were supposed to discuss?” God Smiled, and said “The other item is called ‘A Brain’, and it seems Adam will not part with the Penis, so Woman shall have The Brain.



Now you know why man can pee standing up.

I Hope You Have a Wonderful Day! Thank you for Reading My Blog! Jon~=:-)

Urinal Humor (not to be confused with Toilet Humor)

Urinals: Functional, Often Funny!

On my Flickr Photo page, I look up the stats to see what links, and searches bring my photos up. Often the search words are quite funny. When I open up the search, not only do my own photos appear, it shows me all the other people's photos that come up with the same search. For some odd reason, "Urinals" has been a hot topic. This photo to the right is one of mine that always comes up. It is one of my favorite bathrooms in Downtown Portland. What makes it so special? The incredible tile work! having done many tile-installs myself, I appreciate good craftsmanship, and creativity. The urinals, themselves are not attractive, or even anything of interest. The bathroom is a stand-alone building in a park, and it's quality, and design always make me happy. It is a public restroom, and is almost always surprisingly clean, too!

Some of the funny pictures that have come up along with my own in the searches, have got me laughing, and for some reason some of the photos stick in my mind, making me chuckle long after I leave the page. I decided to gather some of the funny ones here. The rest of these photos in this blog ARE NOT MINE. All of the photos below are from other Flickr Members, and if you click on the photo, you will be taken to their page. (Enter those pages at your own risk, for I have no control over their content, or what you will see.) I have pre-screened every profile to be sure I am not linking you to anything I would not support, but Their pages could change. The photos are funny, and you can see more details of where they were taken by clicking on the photos. 

Do Ya Suppose Anheiser Busch

Would Approve this use of a Keg?



Hmmm... A Shark. Watch the Teeth!



A Mix of The 80's, Plus Possibly some
Rocky Horror Picture Show?

Perhaps You are a Nature Lover,
and Wish to Water The Flowers? 

If You are shy, or easisly intimidated, you might wish to avoid bathrooms where there are ladies looking down at you, some giggling, some with cameras, some with scissors, or even those with mischievious grins....

Just Funny!.... But so wrong in so many ways...

Perhaps you wish to make a political statement?

I Know people view religion in different ways... But is there really anyone who would feel right about this? I find it hilarious, but disturbing in so many ways....

Originally found on Flickr, Titled "Unholy Urinals". The original poster has left Flickr, so it is now not linked there.

And Finally.... This one is so wrong in sooo many ways.... I could not even imagine how filthy those are, and can you imagine

 (or probably best if you dont)

what people do in this bathroom?!

 

I have a love-hate relationship with urinals.

I love the way they make life easy. I hate the way they are often disgusting.

To me, the best urinal would be a tree, or any other place in nature.

I absolutely hate when there are many guys at the same time using them. Most guys just do not know boundaries, or even practice good hygiene.

Something that is so necessary for humans is often the most awkward, disgusting, or even humiliating. The Absolute worst design I ever saw of a Urinal, was in Auburn, Washington. A Large church there had an outdoor ampitheater, and the bathrooms were designed to accomodate large crowds all at the same time. The Urinals were large stainless steel troughs lined-up down the middle of the bathroom. Guys lined-up all around the perimeter, shoulder to shoulder, and facing into the center to pee. Yup... You faced, and peed toward other guys. There were pipes hanging down in the middle constantly spraying water. So ya have guys who can't aim, and do not know how to behave, all peeing toward one another, and the water is also spraying on you. You would not think going to a church event would be so disgusting! I Only used the bathroom once. I waited until we left, and found a gas station later.

I have traveled all over The United States, and often am quite delighted when I find a  clean, well-lit, and even welcoming bathroom. Occasionally I find one I want to take a picture of, but not often.

This one below is another of Mine. It is at The Vista House on Crown Point, Oregon. It is well-lit, always clean, and has sparkling marble, polished wood, and plenty of windows. It is one of those places people always take a picture of, and it is not unusual to have women come in to take pictures, too. 

I Hope you find Humor in what would often only be a basic necessity of life.

Have a Wonderful Day, and Find a Fun Place to Go, when Ya gotta go!

Thanks for reading My Blog! JOn ~=:-)