~BACON~! Always A Good thing, Right??

~BACON~!! 

I Was Soo Excited to cook bacon again! It Was Beautiful, Smelled great and Looked so Delicious! ... Until I caught my kitchen on fire ~=:-/

NEW RULE! NEVER ~EVER~! Use generic lightweight tinfoil again. ~EVER~!

I Just wish someone had caught the whole scene on camera!! Imagine a Naked person happily dancin' around his kitchen, making and sending snapchats to friends, even sharing a short-video of the pancake on the stove, and the bacon perfectly sizzling in the oven. The choreography is beautiful. Then Imagine watching that same choreographed beauty change as the kitchen was suddenly on fire! ... ~oh that scene was mad hilarious. 

It has been a long long time since I have written a blog. This is not because there is nothing exciting in my life to write about, but the exact opposite! My life is so full of Incredibly blessed daily activities, creative projects, and Things that enrich and nourish my soul, that I just have not had time to sit on the computer and write.

Today is no different. I have a million things that are incredibly wonderful, and lots of creative projects in the works. I decided to come write while I let the Smoke clear, the stove cool, and the unburned bacon grease to fully cool before I attempt any more clean up. Besides, This story is too freakin funny to not put into words!

So, Yesterday while shopping, I decided to reward myself with some Bacon. Yes, Reward. No I am not on a diet, or anything like that. I have been diligent about not splurging at the store, not buying treats, or spending more money that I absolutely had to. You see, almost a year ago, I ended up living in one of those Weekly rental motel places, and spending a fortune, going in debt, and struggling to even afford food weekly. Well, in February, I finally got my own "affordable" apartment. But the debt was still chasing me. I have worked hard this past five months to get my expenses manageble, and attempt to get those debts (which were threatening to sue/ garnish, etc under control.) Well, that has been quite the accomplishment! I am now current and have nobody's lawyers chasing me. That is a HUGE relief! So I decided a reward of Bacon was justified. 

I looked over the entire 12-foot section of Bacon many many times. I could have simply gone with the store-brand-cheapest bacon for less than 3-bucks. It would count as bacon, and still feel like a huge reward. But, No. I finally decided on the $7 for 7-absolute Perfect, Thick, Steakhouse-seasoned strips of Pig Flesh. I Held that package in my hands and just admired it for at least 10-seconds. Other shoppers probably thought I was some Freak bacon~worshipper. (Yes, it really did feel like a religious moment). But then I realized I was out of foil, so I almost put it back. Then I reasoned that I could simply go buy the cheap foil, and "it would do". (You might wonder why I need foil to cook bacon?? Stay tuned. I get to that in a bit.)

So today is Saturday, My Sunday. I make sure to get everything done on Friday that requires running around town. This way, I have today completely free to relax at home. This means I have no schedules, or exact times I gotta do anything. This means I can catch-up with the past-weeks events, news, friends' activities they've posted, and even get some of my photos loaded into my Flickr account. I can sip my Coffee (which, by the way, I got myself a Really cool new Mug Yesterday, too!! See? Perfect!

Part of my plan in accomplishing a Life of Peace is to make sure I leave time to cook my own meals, instead of needing to eat Instant, or worse to eat at a restaurant. (again, part of my get-out-debt-plan). I recently remembered the joy of Pancakes. I do not know why I ever stopped making pancakes, but I did. Years and years ago. I saw an old photo that made me recall the delight of pancakes. Here is that photo:

Yup, Cookin' Nekkid is always how you'll find me :)

Well, To me a photo is more than a picture. It is emotion, feel, and brings back all the memories of exactly what I was feeling when it was taken. This photo reminded me of an important thing I somehow had forgotten. The art of making breakfast. Not hurried, not fancy, just happy. 

So, I have been making pancakes and Spam for about a month now, and it is pure delight. This time I decided to go with the treat of My Glorious Bacon along with my pancakes. Yeah, you always hear the joke "Don't cook bacon in the Nude" ... but I do not cook bacon on the stove. I cook it in the oven. This is where the foil comes-in. I line a pan with foil, making edges all around to hold the grease, place the bacon on the foil, then just slide it into the oven at 400* for about 15 minutes. Ya do not need to turn it, it stays flat, there are no splatters, and cleanup is a breeze! Once the bacon is removed, let the grease cool, then just roll up the foil and throw it away! 

Well, Here is where the generic Foil bacame a problem. The generic foil was also not at wide as the regular stuff, so not all of the bacon would fit on one baking sheet. No problem, I just grabbed another baking sheet, lined it with foil, and put the remaining bacon on that pan. Well, That second pan is what started the problem ... It is a dark pan. Everyone knows that dark pans cook faster than light pans. no problem, I'm a pro, right? Ha! Well I was timing it just right, I had one pancake almost done, and knew I would have the perfect amount of time to place it on the plate, add the butter, and Peanut Butter, then would remove the dark pan of bacon. My timing was perfect. I placed that pan on the unused burners of the stove, and grabbed the slices of perfect bacon off, setting them on the paper towels I had on the other counter. I put the butter in the pancake pan, and started the next pancake. just then, the foil wall holding the molten bacon Grease decided to collapse!!! I had a flood of extremely hot bacon grease flooding across my stove and toward the burner of the pancake pan!!

Well it doesn't take a genius to know that if grease hits that burner, it will ignite. It was already smoking heavy because of the hot surface. I had a fan on in the kitchen to keep it cooler, but it was also blowing right toward the stove. I knew if that grease flashed, the fan would spread the fire, so I kicked the fan, as I simultaneously turned off the burner, turned off the oven, and grabbed a roll of paper towels to attempt to stop the flow of grease before it got to the hot burner. Well, I succeeded in three of the four above steps. The fan was not blowing where the fire would erupt. The heat sources were turned off. I almost stopped the flow of grease. Unfortunately, it went under ALL of the burners, and immediately flashed, since that was the hot top of the oven under those burners. I happened to have lids for pans nearby, so covered each burner with a lid so no air could fuel the fire. I used a kitchen towel to smother the flames that licked across the stove.  The fire was out as fast as it started, and did no harm to anything. (Well, no visible harm is noticed yet. Once I clean the stove, and under the burners, I will know it the wiring was scorched.) But my bet is it flashed,a nd went out, so likely no damage.) Yes, I could have run and grabbed a fire extinguisher, but that would have given the fire time to spread. I know enough about fires to know to stop them before they can actually become alive. 

Now the second pan of bacon in the oven was burning. I grabbed the tongs to remove it. It was not badly burnt, but not exactly bacon-tasty anymore. I went to place these pieces on the others I originally removed ... only to discover in the process of kicking the fan from blowing on the stove, I aimed it directly toward the counter which held the previously removed bacon .. and blew it right into the sink full of dishwater. 

So My three-perfect pieces I removed that caused the fire, were now soaked in dishwater. 

I surveyed the scene. Decided there was nothing else that could become a hazard. Grabbed the jar of peanut butter, and simply ate a few forkfulls of Peanut Butter as my Breakfast. Then I wondered why my smoke detector never went off. I walked around the corner, and realized my other fan was blowing a fresh funnel of air from the bedroom window right past the smoke detector. I turned that fan off, and immediately the detector activated. Ugh. So I turned that fan back on. I looked at the mess in the kitchen again, decided now was the perfect time to take a break, and write ....

I leave you with this one thought:

~BACON~! Always a treat. Always a Delight. Always Good! ...

Now, Imagine again why people say "NEVER COOK BACON IN THE NUDE"

Now as you ponder this, I will be scrubbing my entire kitchen ... Again. (I Just scrubbed the entire thing yesterday ...) ~=:-/

Have a Great Day! Even if you almost toast your nekkid bits!(hmm, weinie Roast anyone?) ~Grin~

And JOIN Me on Snapchat! 'halfaniceday' ... you just might be receiving some of these hilarious things as they happen :)

"Where Is My Birthday Card?"

"Where is My Birthday Card?"

If I close a door in my life, it will remain shut.
That door remained open far too long, if it is needed to be permanently shut.
It is never sudden.
It is always after exhausting all other options.
Sadly, those who find themselves on the other side seem to think it is sudden.

A recent door-closing was addressed by one left outside now. Her first words: "I can't believe what you did to me."

Followed by: "I was saddened and hurt that you did not have a birthday card waiting for me after I returned from my birthday trip."

This sums up the selfish nature that caused me to remove this person From my life.

I asked her to leave matters where they were, and we could each just move on knowing it did not work for longer than the first three months. October, November and Half of December were great! After that it all went screwy. I left peacefully, hoping she would accept and move-on herself. She decided that was not satisfactory. She blew up my phone after I asked her to leave me alone. I have given her all the reasons we needed to part ways, she seemed to not believe I was really going to leave. Once I did, is when the peace, and healing should be happening. Suddenly this is a surprise to her, and she wants to hear it all over again. All of her desires and attmepts to relive it all again were easily ignored. EXCEPT when she said she was Saddened and Hurt that I never gave her a Birthday Card. REALLY?? Ok, Two thoughts run through my mind... Perhaps she really does not have a clue about treating people badly, and there being consequences, or she is playing games.Possibly even both. Some people love to create and encourage drama. This is whhta makes them feel included somehow. I work very hard to remove drama, squash it and distance myself from it.  Either way, This blog will serve as notice to anyone who I have ever removed from my life. I will allow anyone to do anything they choose in life, UNTIL there is Harm. The Rule is simple: Harm Noone. Ever. Once willful, and purposeful Harming of anyone begins, It Must End.

If someone works especially hard to show me my thoughts, concerns, and needs are of no concern to them, yet seems to think I should be waiting inside the door for her return to give her a birthday card? Nope. 

If I repeatedly try to find a balance in our home, yet every concern is ignored, sorry no birthday card. 

If I say hello when I see you, and you "harumph" at me, sorry no birthday card. 

If I ask that you provide a 'potty mat' in the kitchen for your dogs that are locked-up all day, and you refuse, yet allow pet waste to remain all over the floor, occasionally placing a floor mat on top of it, instead of cleaning it up, sorry no birthday card.

If you 'forget' every Thursday night that it is my scheduled/ allowed time for access to our washing machine, no birthday card for you.

If I scrub and clean the kitchen when I come home so I can actually use it, and you work hard to make it filthier by morning than it was before I even cleaned it, no birthday card for you.

If you insist on poisoning me with the non-stop airconditioning, giving me a lung infection, no birthday card for you. 

If I am forced to eat out, costing me a fortune because you make the kitchen filthy, unhealthy, and un-usable, no card for you.

If you continuously 'forget' to let me know you have a 'client' coming to our home, only to catch me by surprise when I am face to face with a stranger in my home, no card for you. 

I absolutely hate moving/ changing homes. Yes, I am aware of the irony in the fact that at age 46 I have lived in at least 60 homes, maybe more. (I will have to count again.) as a result of hating to move, I will stay-put usually much much longer than I should.

And YOU have the nerve to say "I can't believe you did this to me!"?? Nothing is sudden. Many Mnay months, I tried. Finally, I just geve up, "retreated", and thought I just needed to suffer, and not have a peaceful, healthy home. Then it dawned on me. I Deserve Better. This is My Home, too. For three weeks prior to my moving out, I left three separate notes explaining why I was moving, also withholding rent due to your lack of care about a clean and healthy home, a back patio smeared with pet waste, a kitchen floor so covered in pet waste, I needed to put shoes on just to enter the kitchen, and the smell was nauseating, kitchen sink overflowing with moldy, filthy dishes, food smeared on every surface, and not an inch of clean useable counter anywhere. You wadded-up and threw away the first two notes. (Yet you want to now insist you never saw them.) Maybe you should have not thrown them away where I would see them if you wanted to claim you never saw them. Also amazing that you always found the rent money in the same spot, so nice try. If you had not seen and read the notes, you would have wondered and asked why there was no rent paid for three weeks. I left a third note Saturday night before you left for your trip, explaining I would be gone before you returned. Not only was that note gone Sunday morning, but you had cleared everything off the table along with it. Sunday as I left for work, you said you would likely be gone before I returned. I told you that I would likely be gone before you returned also. You did not reply this time. All your actions showed me you wanted me to leave, but also that you wanted to pretend to be a victim because I left. Sorry, you cannot have it both ways. You Chose. I Left.

The list of why I left is long. You want to pretend you have no idea why. Maybe you truly do not have an idea. This would match your two immediate statements about my leaving: so of course you "can't believe what was done to you" and the priority to your needs is "Where is My Birthday Card?" 

Good luck former Roommate. I hope you find the peace and understanding you need.

I have left a bad situation. I have made it so not only am I moving, but have to move two times in one month. I already have found plenty to surround myself with that is positive, healthy, and uplifting. I decided to put this into a Blog so anyone that might think they are "Suddenly" behind a door I have closed, might see it for what it really is.

The photos in this blog, I do not have proper credits for. Each of these four photos crossed my path as I was in the process of saving my own life. I failed to also research and save the original author of them.



We all will face challenges in our lives. Hopefully each of us learns to better handle, adjust, and move on before those challenges become problems.