Do You See What I See? Do You Hear What I Hear?

Do You See
What I See?

Do You Hear
What I Hear?

Sometimes I wish others could hear the things I hear, see the things I see, and feel the things I feel. But then I realize that I was created unique for way too many reasons, and others were not created like I was, because it is something that was meant for only me. Most humans are created with the same basic senses: Sight, touch, hearing, taste, and smell. Some have less. Not only do I have all of these, but I was created with levels of these which are supposedly un-attainable to most humans. I also was created with other senses which are not categorized by any of these five. Some call these “gifts” or say I am “gifted”. There are times I would agree, but more often than not, they are actually hindrances than gifts.

All my life, I have baffled doctors. The stuff they were taught does not apply to me. None of the text-books, studies, or research can be used to identify anything about me. My mind processes things in a much different manner than most people’s brains do. I hear, feel, see, and experience things differently than most do.

The best way I can describe the way I experience the world around me is this:

Imagine you are in a theater with a live orchestra, choir, and band consisting of a thousand individuals. Most people hear the sounds produced as a whole unit. You can pick out the various sounds produced by the various groups. For example, you hear the sound the different singers make as a whole group. (you hear sopranos, you hear baritones, you hear falsettos,) But you hear the sounds as a group. I hear each and every single person, in each of those groups. To me, no two match the other’s tone, pitch, or volume. I hear hundreds simultaneously, and I can pick out which person is making which sounds by following where that sound is created from. The same is true for the musical instruments. You hear the sound of violins, the sound of trumpets, the sound of clarinets. But you hear the sound each makes as a group. I hear every single one of those as a completely different sound, and can pick out each and every one by following where the sound comes from. In a 1000-person performance, I hear 1000 different performances.

If one person is not playing, but pretending to play, it throws me off, because my mind is listening for 1000 different sounds, but there are only 999.

Imagine that theater has the most spectacular lighting system. Imagine that lighting system consists of 1000 lights. Most of the lights work as a group to create a desired effect. Many are grouped to create varying colors, levels of brightness, or even special-focus to draw attention to certain areas of the performance at the right time. Most people see a wonderfully lit performance. If they look for the different lighting effects, they can spot where different colors, different levels of brightness, or some of the different effects are visible. Occasionally, most might identify where a few of those beams come from. I see each light as its own individual beam. I see 1000 different colors, 1000 different levels of brightness, 1000 different angles, 1000 different beams of lights. I see the places where those beams intersect, cross, blend, and reflect. I see all the different shades of lights that are supposedly all the same color. I see the colors in mid-air where two or more light-paths cross each other, because no two lights emit the same color, and where they cross, it creates an oddity in that otherwise straight beam of a single color.

Add to the fact that I see 1000 different beams of light, and countless combinations of where those lights shine with the others, and it quickly becomes many-thousands of beams I see all at the same time.

Lighting fixtures also create sound. This is the sound of the combined needed electricity, and the output of the energy created when the fixture emits the light. There is also the sound created when those fixtures heat, and cool at different times of their use. The energy, heat, and electricity also create individual smells from each fixture.

The sense of smell is even more intense. Not only am I smelling the scent from each and every lighting fixture, but imagine all the thousands of scents surrounding me. I can pick out the scent of the materials in the flooring, the stage curtains, the fabric on the chairs, the paint on the walls, and even the glue in the wallpaper. Add to that, every single person naturally has their own scent. Every person also adds to that scent with their own personal hygiene desires. I can smell each different type of shampoo, body-soap, deodorant, perfume, and the laundry-soap they washed their clothes in. If they use breath-mints, I can smell all those various flavors. I can smell the scent of their pets on them. If they were near a smoker, or smoked themselves, I smell that. I can tell if it was cigarette, cigar, pipe, or other substances.

How much of these I smell at any given time depend on air-movement, air-temperature, humidity, or even barometric pressure. The mixtures and combinations are endless. As various scents combine, clash, or happen to cross paths, they create new smells, and they are constantly changing.

Steve Jobs of Apple Fame recently died. In the early stages of creating the Apple Computer, he was excited about the possibility of being able to see all 10,000 shades of beige that were supposedly available. He was mocked for this, but that did not deter him. His enthusiasm to pursue the possibility to actually see all 10,000 shades of beige was what made him successful, and it helped to excite others along the way.

I can relate to that enthusiasm. All my life, I have been disappointed by the limits of man-made devices. No device ever created by a human can duplicate what I see, and hear in real-life.

The best photography does not come close:

Photography is wonderful. I Love capturing, and sharing some of what I see in my journey through life. I say “some”, because I have yet to see anything that accurately captures, and shows the world as it is viewed through my eyes. A picture, whether digital, or as a print can only show what the inventor determined it should show, not what I can see. I can take a picture, and look at the picture right next to the actual real-life item, and the picture only captures about 1/100th of what I actually see. Some of the newest features on the digital cameras are just barely beginning to capture a portion of the colors that I can see. One of my favorite features is what is called “Vivid Color”. This feature brings out many more hues of any given color, and it is wonderful! (It is designed to only capture a very small-range of colors and make them more vivid.) But still, it is only a fraction of the vividness, color-depth, and does not even come close to the “10,000 shades of beige”. In my view, every color that most categorize contains at least 10,000-shades of that same color.

Sound Systems are limited:

Sound-systems are wonderful, but there is not a single one that actually captures all the sounds I hear. The very moment any created sound is sent into a machine of any kind, it loses much of its original qualities. I have always enjoyed running sound-boards, but find them frustrating, and quite limited. Most people who have heard what I do with sound boards like what they hear, and want me to teach them the same thing. I attempt to explain that I only try to duplicate what I hear within the machine’s capabilities. They are always baffled, because to them, They had already done exactly that. Most sound-boards, much like any visual-duplication machine, are created only based on what the inventor can hear for himself. They are limited by what the inventor will allow it to do. I can tweak them a little, but not even close to what I hear in real-life. But that tweaking I do allows others to hear a tiny bit more than they could hear themselves in the natural state. But they cannot duplicate the same results, because they can only duplicate what they are able to hear.

Most sound-capturing, and duplicating devices are limited to only a few ranges of each possible sound. If there was ever a device created that took the real sounds, and duplicated those same sounds, instead of eliminating them, I believe most people would be blown away at what they were missing in everyday life.

Hearing Tests:

There have been many times in life when I was given hearing tests. You put on the headphones, then simply push the button on your left if you hear the sound on the left, and the one on the right if you hear the sound on your right. It is always fun to watch the reactions of the person administering the tests, because I know I can hear far more sounds than they expect me to be able to hear. There have been times that they make a sound come through the headphones, and I yank the headphones off because the sound is so loud, and uncomfortable. They always say the same thing: “That sound is not supposed to be audible to human hearing!” Then they ask more questions about what I heard, and why I yanked the headphones off. I patiently explain to them how much I hear, and how much it hurt. I am not about to allow something like that to damage my hearing.

Time to get my brain exchanged with a chicken!

When I ended up in Virginia in 2005, I ended up in a mental-hospital because I had attempted to kill myself. So, that joke I often refer to: “I did not escape, they gave me a day-pass” has more validity than most realize.

The director of this area of the mental hospital took an interest in me right away. It turned out that he and I had been down very similar paths, and he understood how to connect with me, where most do not. He is The Very first doctor I have EVER felt comfortable around.

The doctors that worked with me actually did a fairly decent job of attempting to understand the uniqueness of how my wiring works. We had discussed the way some lighting, and some sounds send me into seizures. We also discussed how my senses are more finely tuned, and even some of the things I sense that are not through the normal five-senses. After many long discussions, they had some ideas, and asked if they could run some tests. They assured me it would be safe, and by doing these tests, they could further learn about the brain-activity involved in my wiring, along with confirming what I said was actually the case. Because the Doctor I had connected with was the one suggesting it, I agreed.

These tests were scheduled for 10 am the next morning, and would be conducted at the other hospital across town. The Doctor explained the procedure for transporting those patients in a lock-up mental facility. This meant that I would be escorted like a prisoner into a locked transport cage inside a van, then once we arrived at the other hospital, I would be escorted like a prisoner into a locked chamber, where the staff at that hospital would then take custody of me, and transport me to another locked area. It was necessary to explain this in front of a witness, and have me sign papers stating I understood this. But as The Doctor explained this, I could see the hidden smile in his eyes, and could tell he had more planned than his official speech was saying out loud. I looked at the witness, and she did not have any glimmer of even paying attention, she was just going through the motions. I looked back at The Doctor, and He winked.

At 9:30 the next morning, the process of being transported like a prisoner began. All of what I was told happened exactly like I was told it would. Once I was in the locked chamber at the testing hospital, the escort guards left. The test administrator came in and The Doctor introduced us. She smiled, winked at me and said, “It appears there was a scheduling conflict. Your test will not begin until noon.” As she said this, both her, and The Doctor grinned. She left, and left the door open behind her. The Doctor asked if I wanted to get some fresh air. Together, we walked out of the hospital, then he led me to a small park nearby, where we sat on a bench and talked. That was the best thing that could have happened to me at that moment. He understood my need to be outdoors, and also understood I was not needing to be treated like a prisoner. What we talked about will be a post all by itself, because that was more powerful than anything else I went through. At 11:30, we walked to a hotdog stand, and he bought us each a hotdog and a bottle of water. Then we walked up the railroad tracks, watched some trains, and got back to the hospital just before noon.

The Doctor, and the test-administrator were very careful to answer my concerns. They explained that I would be lying flat on a bed with wires glued to my skull, a mask over my eyes, and sound-proof headphones over my ears. I would literally be blind and deaf in that room for two full hours. They explained that they would attempt to induce a seizure based on the information I had given them, and assured me it would be done in a safe-manner, and they could control how much, and how long it lasted.

The official running of the tests would take a full two-hours, and could not be interrupted once they started. The preliminaries would be a full two-hours also. These tests involved gluing about 200 electronic sensors with wires attached to all parts of my skull. These wires went into a machine which both transmitted, and received the data.  After having all these wires strategically placed, and testing them, I was carefully laid flat on a bed. I was actually joking about the Bugs Bunny Cartoon where the mad-scientist switched the brains of a chicken with Bugs Bunny.

The Mask:

Then they placed a mask over my eyes. This mask blocked-out all outside light, and also had wires, and lighting features built-in. They demonstrated a few of the techniques so I would be familiar with how it worked, and not alarmed. They also tested my abilities to sense light without being able to actually see it. They tried with the room lights off, dimmed, bright, and various lighting from random angles. I could tell them every single time where the lighting was on, or off, bright, dim, or from any angle. This confirmed for them that I actually could sense lighting without actually seeing it.

The Headphones:

Then they explained that the headphones I was going to be wearing were sound-proof, so I could not hear any of the normal noises in and around this room, but would only hear the sounds they deliberately put into the headphones. They explained that for verifying how my senses worked, they wanted me to tell them each time I felt one of them move, and point to where they were once they moved. They also wanted to me say if there was light, and where it came from. Then we did some tests using the headphones and the mask to be sure I could not hear or see anything in the room.

Even without the sound, or vision, I could tell them where each of them was every time one, or both moved. They would cross paths, and double-back to see if I lost track, but I could tell each time. Sometimes they would stand behind one-another to see if I could tell. I could. The Doctor left the room, and I said so. A Different person came in the room. I said it was someone I did not know who entered the room. That person stood in the far corner, and the test administrator opened, then closed the door. I said nobody left. Then the door opened and the stranger left as the Doctor entered. I said exactly that.  I could tell if the lights were on, or off, and what angle they came from. I could tell if it was a moving light, or fixed. The administrator then spoke into her microphone which was transmitted to my headphones. She explained that portion was done. I took off my mask, and headphones. We talked quite a lot about my senses, and they were completely baffled that I could know what was going-on, and who was or was not in the room without being able to see, or hear anything. They unplugged my wiring from the machine so I could stretch, use the restroom, and take a break.

The Goons Arrive:

Once the testing began, I was kinda in a mesmerized, half-conscious state most of the time. They played soothing music, and calming lights through the headphones, and mask. Occasionally the test-administrator’s voice would speak through the headphones. I recall some of the sounds, lights, and other minor details, and a few very minor seizures. The administrator would taper them off, and never let them get to full-blown seizures. She would calmly talk to me and tell me it was alright, and they would end. But the time was seemingly mostly like a nap. Then as I was seemingly asleep, I remembered feeling an intense change almost suddenly, but it was probably only building slowly, and at that point, my mind registered all alarms. Because I had already had several small seizures, I was easily susceptible to large ones now. Just as My mind registered they were inducing a seizure, I felt four large men enter the room. They moved very fast, and Just as I yelled outloud, “Who are these men, and why are they here?!” I felt the seizure take full-effect. At the same exact moment, I felt the four large men grab, and attempt to hold me to the bed. My alarms were fully going off, and I was in fight-survival mode!  Then I was completely blacked-out.  

Wake-up sleeping beauty!
When I woke up, the mask was off, the headphones were off, and the wires and electrodes were removed from my skull. I was sore from head to toe, and looked around cautiously. The Doctor smiled, and said “You Really DO know how to fight!” Then he opened the door, and the four goons came back in along with the administrator.  They stood waay back from me, and just looked at me. The doctor laughed, and said “They want a rematch.” I laughed and said,“No way!” Then each of them introduced himself, then left. I was kinda baffled. The test administrator explained how she worked through all the steps, and she knew once she induced the final seizure, I needed to be held to the bed, but it would not be good to have me strapped to the bed, cuz I would not have relaxed. She explained that there is a light outside signaling the “goons” when to come. Their job is to gently hold a person to the bed. I imagine that one could usually hold most patients down. Usually they just need to hold a patient from doing harm to themselves, but there is never any force involved. She and The Doctor explained how I reacted different than any other they had known. I was up and fighting before they could hold me down. They managed to keep me mostly in one place, but I was easily throwing them aside. Since the seizure was already taking place, she turned the intensity up full to knock me out, rather than let me continue to fight. She was surprised by how much I fight when something is wrong. She explained that most simply just withdraw and basically wait for whatever the threat is to pass. She explained how the results of the testing confirm exactly what I had explained, and was completely amazed at my ability to “see” when blind, and “hear” when deaf. She told me the technical names of these things, but I was not able to remember them.  She also said the technical name for the part that causes the seizures, but I also did not recall that. My mind was racing because of all that it had been through. They gave me something to ease the pain, and keep me from feeling the “fight” too much. My head was throbbing.

Set Something Free...

Once the testing was complete, The Doctor and I walked out of the hospital together. He asked If I remembered where the lock-up mental facility was, I said I did. He said he had other errands to take care of, and I could walk myself back there, or I could be transported again in the prisoner-like manner. I chose to walk. He smiled, gave me a bottle of water, and went the other way. By now, this town was getting familiar to me. It was only about a fifteen minute walk. The walk would do me some good. When I got to the other facility, and went to the main desk, the clerk smiled and said, “Wow! You walk fast!” I asked how she knew who I was, and she said “Honey, We ALL Know who YOU Are! It is not often we get someone like you in our facility.” I was not sure exactly what that meant. Then The Doctor came out of a back-room. He was still smiling. I asked about the errands he had to run, and he laughed. Then he explained that he ”Was following a feeling he had about me, and he proved he was right.” He then picked-up a phone, and made “reservations” for me at The Salvation Army Shelter. I would go live there in the morning.  He then walked me back upstairs to the lock-up facility. Along the way, he explained about how he tested me to see if I would come straight back here, or if I would attempt something stupid along the way. He Knew I would come back, and had already arranged for me to go to The Shelter If I did exactly that. I knew none of this, until after he tested me. He knew if I did what I said I would do, I did not need to be in a lock-up facility. The first thing I did once I was upstairs was request to take a shower. I really needed the hot water on all my sore muscles, and to clear my head, and to wash the glue off my skull. Part of the rules about being in a lock-up facility require that you are watched in almost everything you do, to assure nobody can do any harm to themselves. Even though I was already cleared to walk the next morning, I was still in the facility for the night, and the rules needed to be followed.  The nurse who was assigned to watch me noticed all the bruises. She looked like she wanted to ask, but was not supposed to, so she was kinda uncomfortable about seeing them, and not being able to avoid looking. I asked if that was what she was wondering. She nodded, but did not say anything. She was trying her hardest to not look, but they were really obvious, and were not there when I showered that morning. I explained a bit of what happened, and then laughed and said, “I guess it is true about listening to the wrong kind of sounds in your headphones can be bad for you!” That got her to relax finally. After I showered, I ate dinner, then went to bed. I slept solid that night. The nurses had to wake me up so I could have breakfast, and then be checked-out and start my new life! Surprisingly, they let me shower alone that morning.  

The reason I ask youto turn your music down:

Sadly, many artists in the hip-hop field have started mixing and layering sounds that they can only hear a tiny fraction of, but I hear all the layers, overlaps,frequencies, rythms, beats, and combined electronically created sounds that are a result of them tweaking things so that they can hear the tiniest fraction of the same sound. This type of music has a rhythm and beat that easily sends me into a seizure. These creations somehow manage to affect my wiring much more rapidly than any other form of sound. (The only ones that are more rapid at bringing-on a seizure are those electronic beeping alarms, like on large, moving machinery, or the fire-alarms in most buildings). I get so tired of people assuming that the reason I ask them to not play it, or at least turn it down is because I am somehow against Hip-Hop Artists. They do not understand the medical implications the music has on my well-being. They cannot hear all I hear, so they won’t even attempt to understand this. I am not against the music, I am simply trying to stay alive, or not end up in a blacked-out state and pummeling someone for triggering the fight-to-survive mechanism in my wiring. 

Hard of Hearing?

Many assume I am hard of hearing. They come to this assumption because I speak loudly, but do not realize that I do. Some guess I am hard of hearing because I do not hear what they say in an environment where there are other sounds. It is actually the exact opposite. I hear sounds that most cannot hear. I hear more things happening all around me with so much infinite detail, I must tune most of it out, or it will completely overwhelm me to take it all in. When someone speaks in an environment where there are other sounds, I often do not hear them, and have to ask them to repeat what they said. This is because I am working so hard to NOT hear all the millions of other sounds, that when I am not expecting them to speak, I am not tuned-into them.

Am I Tone-Deaf?

The same is true for singing, or music. Many assume I am either tone-deaf, or cannot hear a beat. It is the exact opposite. The problem is that I hear more than they do, and they cannot explain to me exactly which one they want me to focus on. I have had music-teachers get frustrated because when they tell me something is a certain note, but they cannot duplicate that same sound twice, I will ask Which one of those last ten notes they considered the one they wish me to duplicate. They look baffled, and claim that they were ALL Exactly the same, when they were not. They cannot hear the variations, so they assume I should not either. In music, people try to explain the beat, or rhythm by counting 1-2-3-4 on which they hear only those four counts. In those I hear seven different counts. I have had people demonstrate using a Metronome, and I get the same result. In the time it goes tick, tick, I count five different beats. I have never heard one that actually matched what they said it did. Because I hear more, and see more, I cannot figure out which parts I am supposed to ignore. The ones teaching these do not understand that there is way more than they hear.  I have had some really wonderful musicians, and singers in my life. Many of these are incredible teachers of their craft. But they can only teach those who hear the same things they are being taught. I hear many more things, but those wishing to teach say that is not possible.

A Safety Concern:

I hear, and feel sounds differently than others do. Why is it so hard for people to be willing to understand the reasons I ask them to turn their music down? Why do they assume I am somehow against their choice of music? Why will they not even try to understand that it is a safety concern. Most Emergency-Service workers understand how strobe-lights can affect people such as myself.  I have had some police officers who refused to turn off their strobe lights until I told them they better have an ambulance on the way. Then they suddenly cooperate. I have talked with the police-chiefs of the departments where this has occurred, and the Chiefs always insist they DO train their officers about how strobes can affect people adversely.

A Wish:

Sometimes I wish that some of these people would be able to hear what I hear, see what I see, and feel what I feel. Sometimes I think that if they could experience it, they might be more understanding, caring, and possibly just a tiny-bit kinder to their fellow-human. But then I realize there is a reason I was given these “Gifts”, and they were not. I was given these because my creator knows I would use them to help others as much as possible. My creator knows the reasons I was given these, and has a life ahead for me that utilizes these in the most unusual circumstances that will arise. These are just a few of the things that make me who I am. These are just a few of the things that make me the most unique human ever created. I learned early on how my senses were different than any other, and learned early on that I would never be like another human on this Earth. I learned that I am different, and there is no way to even partially explain to another what makes me who I am. I know that most people would have a complete break-down if they suddenly heard all the extra sounds they have never had to filter-out. I know they would go insane if they suddenly saw 100-times more detail in every single thing they are used to seeing at only about 1/100th of the same detail. Most people complain about any light that shines when they are attempting to sleep. I imagine if they saw how bright I see every detail when they claim it is pitch-black, they would not be too pleased.The processes involved in suddenly having to sort, and sift all these extra details would overwhelm them.

No Such Thing as Boredom:

But at the same time, anyone who has walked through life with me knows I claim “that it is impossible to ever be bored.” This is true. With so many things always to see, hear, feel, sort, sift, and process, boredom is Never a factor.

So, as I continue my journey through life, I will keep looking for ways to express myself, and try to capture what I see, hear and feel for others to possibly also enjoy. If you find yourself "Bored" May you discover there is more to discover than you thought possible. May you find detail where it never before existed. May you hear, feel, and see without using your ears, fingers, or eyes. ~=:-)

A Love-Hate Relationship...

I Have a Love-Hate Relationship with Computers...

and actually anything Electronic!

Don't most people perch 40-feet above the river,
on an abandoned wharf,
with only ten-inches of board to sit-on,
while using their laptops? :)

Nothing electronic works the same for me as it does for most humans. Kinda like how my own wiring is different from other humans. When I use a computer, I manage to somehow create some sort of unfathomable ways it will not work properly. Or, it will only function for me, and nobody else. I have always reluctantly used other’s computers, or anything electronic because of this effect. When vehicles started using computers, the errors that arose in my own vehicles always baffled every mechanic. It seemed every time I had to take a vehicle in for repairs, I was having to get a new computer for it. Some were under the vehicle’s warranty, but most were not. Every time, the defunct computer was sent to the manufacturer for analysis. The report always came back the same: unexplainable, impossible, and errors which could not be identified, or repaired.

Much like how no human, or doctor has ever been able to grasp how my wiring works, the same is true with everything I use that is electronic. I have tried and tried to explain this to those who wish to attempt to understand. I always am excited when someone takes enough interest in me to attempt to understand me. Unfortunately, there is no language, are no words, diagrams, or even anything that can be used to illustrate what happens inside my mind, my spirit, and my energy. Most give up and stop trying. Some try to go about it as a challenge, and feel like they cannot be around me unless they can get a grasp of this mystery. Those people get frustrated, and angry. A Few… a very rare few, just learn to accept it, and thus accept me. One can only understand me if they do not attempt to compare me to anything else they have ever seen, felt, or experienced. This is exactly the same with anything I use that is electronic. The people with the technical training, or even just the technical-know-how without any training, attempt to understand what happens to my electronics from a technical viewpoint. They will never find a solution, and always have to replace the item. There are other paths they can take to find a solution, but they can only look at the problem in a way which they compare it to other things they have seen, or experienced.

It also frustrates me when people attempt to teach another, or train another how to do something with the approach that there is only one possible path. In Junior High, and High School, I took many computer programming classes. I understood much of the teachings, but they did not work for me. I would study everything that was available, and look for the ways these computers would react, or how they would function based on these “rules”. While they worked for most of the people, they did not for me. The teachers would look over every single step I did, even watch me enter every command, and would be baffled that it would work for every other in the class, but not me. They would say it must be the machine acting-up. I knew it was only partly that. I knew that when I used electronics, I needed to approach it differently. This made me learn more about how they worked, and the functions the programming was supposed to make happen. I finally got to the point that I Never entered a program the way we were supposed to. I had to go about a completely different method of getting the same final result. I passed every exam, and got every program to function, but the teachers attempted to fail me because my programming did not match what the books said they should look like. Again, the teachers were adamant that the program I had entered was not possible, yet they could see for themselves that the end result was in fact the correct one. It was always a fight to prove I had not only passed the class, but had gone to higher levels of understanding, and done more research than those who simply copied, and repeated what they were taught to do just like the books showed.

I learned that I could indeed work well with electronics, but that I would have to work ten times as hard as anyone else to make them function properly. Being different is not acceptable in an electronic world. To be accepted in any electronic workplace, one must be an exact duplicate of the others you work with. There was no place for anyone who did it differently, and took a different path to achieve the same end result. Once I began my career at PayLess Drug, I quickly learned the quirks of the computerized cash registers. This was back in 1986. When a problem occurred on one register, it affected the entire store’s system. They were all linked on a looped network. A store without functioning cash registers is a nightmare. A couple of times, I would watch as the tech people hurried around frantically trying to restore the problem. It always was a mess, and the management, and customers were always pissed-off at the down-time. It baffled me that nobody would bypass the machine creating the error, and fix it as a stand-alone machine, then once you solved the problem you could re-enter it into the loop. They always attempted to fix the machine that was acting-up while it was affecting all the others. I would talk to the tech guys, and see how their thoughts worked about the problems. I suggested isolating the problem, then fixing it as a stand-alone, allowing all the others to still function. They looked at me like I was an idiot, because they had not been taught this method, and they had to do what they were taught. After a few months of watching this, I took a gamble. For some reason, we could not get a tech guy to come to the floor one day. The manager was also out of the building. I’d been watching long enough, so I took it upon myself to fix the problem. It took a total of two minutes, instead of ten, or fifteen. When the tech guy finally showed up, the problem was already solved. When the manager returned, I was called into a conference with the tech guy, and the manager. They were pissed, but also thankful for keeping the computers running. I explained my logic, and stood my ground. They finally decided I had done right, but were baffled, because the method I used was not something that was supposed to work. After many discussions, and bringing in the head of the tech department, it was decided that the next time this occurred, I would show the tech guy exactly how I accomplished this.

When the day came, the tech guy came and got me before he did anything else. He watched me intently, and I did what I knew would work. It worked without any problem. He was completely baffled, because that should not have worked according to his studies. He called the head tech again, and we had more meetings. It was determined that I “Had just gotten lucky” because it was impossible. This went on for a while, and finally they decided that I was doing something right, because I could get the system up and running again in minutes every time. But, the same thing did not work when the tech guy attempted it. I tried to explain how my energy works differently than any other human. I figured out how to even duplicate the problem, so I could show them it was not just a fluke. They used this to finally get to the root of the problems. But of course more computer problems would come up. I attempted to teach the tech people my thought-processes, but it was impossible.  The way they were taught did not work.  My way worked, but could not be duplicated. They finally decided to send me to their computer tech training, and would put me on as a tech guy. I declined, because I already knew how it would turn out.  In the twelve-and-a-half years I worked for them, I kept fixing the computer problems, and baffling the tech people. I understood why it worked for me, but there was no Earthly way to explain it to another. After I no longer worked for them, I only used computers for brief periods in work places.

As electronics evolved at a rapid rate, I completely lost touch with what the programs were doing. It did not take long before I was completely baffled by anything electronic. (enter old-geezer jokes here) I fought the use of the internet, and personal-computers for myself for years and years. This did not help in my lack of understanding them. I viewed computers as a tool used for work, not to be used in my leisure time. Keep in my mind, my own desire to always be outdoors, and be in nature. Nothing about a computer seemed to fit into my mind about how these could go together.

This view was changed a tiny little bit in 2005, when I ended up in Virginia. It seemed that everything I needed to do, had to be done online. The internet had taken over. Also, I had somehow managed to get to a point where I absolutely hated the phone. The internet was a surprisingly comfortable way for me to interact with others I had left behind in Oregon. It fit well with where my mind was willing to allow others to be in my life. It seemed that when I ran away, I literally let-go of many of the ideals I had clung to. The computer was a mystery to me. I went to every place that allowed personal use of the provided computers, and slowly taught myself how to navigate, and understand them.  I only asked a couple of times for help, because what others would show me, would not work for me. And when they would look at what I was doing they swore it was not possible. In the two years I was in Virginia, I got pretty comfortable with how to navigate them. But, for whatever reason, every single one of these computers needed to be rebooted once I was done, or they would not function for the next person. Nobody ever got upset about this. It baffled the people who offered these public computers, but they accepted it, and were always happy to allow me to use them. These were coffee shops, libraries, and random community/ public buildings.

Once I was back in Oregon again in 2007, I was fortunate to have Aly in my life. She is, by far, the most patient, kind, and understanding person I have known. She allowed me to use her personal computer, knowing full-well the affect I have on them. She eagerly (and patiently, too!) taught me many things about the nuances I did not understand. She would watch as what normally worked for others did not for me, and would help me find solutions. She is the only person I have ever known who actually understood a bit about my wiring, and was willing to work with it, instead of against it. At this same time, I started using Myspace. It did not take long before I had graduated up to Facebook. Then I discovered the world of online photos! I had finally found a way to share my life’s journey with others, when it was otherwise impossible to meet-up, and share the photos in person. That was when I discovered that I could get regular photos from film put on a disk, and then load them into a computer. (I make it sound easy, but even that did not work for me the way it simply does for anyone else.) I figured out how to make it work. In 2008, I started using Flickr for photos.

Before I had gone to Virginia in 2005, I had hardly used a personal computer. Everyone in my family, and all my friends were convinced I would be the very last human on Earth to adapt. By 2009, it seemed, I was the one who used them the most! In October 2009, I made the leap to actually buy my very own computer. I also bought a digital camera. I did a ton of research, and knew exactly what I needed. I went to Best Buy, and told them what I needed. After a little more research, and making sure I had the money, I returned to buy the computer. They kinda did not believe me. They tried to convince me to get the cheap, simple, and basic computer. Since this was my very first, they really were convinced I should not start with a “fancy” one.

It was not exactly “fancy” I was after, but more of an All-inclusive, needs no additions, already loaded-with everything I would need computer. I told them what I needed. It needed to be a laptop. It needed to be wireless, without anything having to be plugged-in to get a signal...and get that signal without interruption in my cement basement. It needed to get that signal without interruption as I rode the bus all the way across town. And that signal needed to be secure. It needed to be able to read photo-memory cards, disks, and even burn disks. It needed to have at least a two-hour battery. It needed a good, sturdy mouse, without a roller ball.  It needed to play music with decent built-in speakers. It needed enough memory that twenty-thousand photos would not even begin to slow it down. It needed a sturdy, full-size keyboard, so my big fingers could type really fast without hitting all the wrong keys. And it needed to have Windows 7, Not Vista. It needed the best security available, because I would not tolerate viruses. I needed a computer that was 100 percent ready to go the very moment I picked it up from the store, because the second I put my hands on it, it would not accept any more add-ons. It would be as complete at that moment as would be possible. I knew what happens when I touch electronics. From the moment I acquired it, I knew it would never again function in a manner any computer programmer could understand.

Needless to say, I got a lot of the Geeks a tad baffled. I ended-up with five different sales people trying to figure out what I needed. They all insisted there was not such a computer, and I would have to have one specially built. At that moment, the “shy” sales girl who had originally talked to me the first time I went in came on duty. She recognized me, and greeted me by name. We talked a bit, and she looked as though she totally understood my needs. The five Geeks were baffled. She assured them she could take care of this, so they left. She, in fact, Did know exactly what I needed! She went to the computer, and looked up some info. In a few minutes, she turned the screen to face me, and asked what I thought. She had Every single detail I had discussed listed in the features column. The picture showed a beautiful Computer that looked like what I described. I asked how much, and she grinned, knowing I would love the answer. The computer was perfect! I said I’d take it. She said I had to wait two more weeks. It was not being released by HP until the end of October. It also would be built with the windows 7 as an original feature, instead of anything that was released prior to that would have Vista, and then need to be converted. She had done her homework since the first time I talked to her, and had found a model which was not yet available, but knew it was perfect for me. None of the other Geeks were even aware it existed. This was a brand-new computer that HP was launching in a connection with Windows 7. It was built with Windows 7 as an operating system, not as an add-on. So I ordered it, and also ordered it complete with the Kaspersky Security, Word, and also got the full Two-year protection coverage. I also ordered the full restore discs, even though I knew the moment I touched the computer, it would never allow those discs to load. (The restore discs were part of the full-coverage, and as long as I had them, any repairs, or replacements in two-years would be fully covered.)

I got this computer exactly two years ago. And One week before the warranty expired, It went in for repairs. I could only smile, when the Geeks could not identify the errors it was having. According to both The Geeks, And HP, the errors that were occurring were not possible, and did not exist. It was sent to HP for diagnosis, along with the restore discs. HP was baffled. Even after replacing the Hard-drive, and attempting to load the restore discs, it would fail on the final step. They called to explain this to me. I could only laugh. They did not see the humor, nor understand that this is exactly what I had explained two years ago would happen.  I ended up with a completely new computer, totally free! It makes me very happy that the problems occurred with one week left on the warranty. Usually this sort of thing happens the day after it expires. I could not buy an additional warranty to cover this computer, since it was literally free to replace the last one at the end of the warranty.

I will plan to be prepared to buy another one when this one acts-up, because I already know It will not be able to be repaired. It is electronic, and it is mine. Already, after just one day of it being in my hands, I know it has changed its molecular, and cellular structure. It is doomed. ~=:-)