That Wonderful Smell.. Of Your Pee!??

Ahh… The wonderful moment when You smell the Aroma of Fresh-Brewed Coffee…

…Then you realize that aroma is coming from your pee…

WAIT! WHAT??

You mean You do not find enjoyment in everything you do in life? You do not learn, laugh, and understand why your pee is suddenly scented, or colored differently?? Oh how you are missing out on some great parts of life…

You know how it is: You are not really focusing on the fact that you are peeing, you smell fresh-brewed coffee, smile, and enjoy the aroma. It is wonderful. It delights your nostrils, makes you smile, and gives you that feeling of “What a beautiful morning!” Then you laugh. You laugh and wonder how many others have done the same thing? You wonder if you are the only one who notices your pee smells just like whatever you have recently consumed. You begin to think that you have never before heard anyone else ever mention this. But do they notice, and just never say anything, or do they not notice?

Ever notice what your pee smells like? Could it be I am The only one who notices such aromas? Could it be because I often pee in places that others do not? (But that is an entirely different post… it will be titled “The Places We Go”) I tend to be very attuned to my surroundings, and smell, or scents play a key factor in my daily life, the memories, and even the feel of any given moment. Who sez going pee needs to be just a necessary chore of life? I say, enjoy it, and find all there is to learn about the body in the process! Also, in addition to noticing the scent, have you ever noticed how your pee is colored differently, depending on what you have consumed? (Yeah, yeah… it is yellow… but there are Soooo many wonderful shades, hues, tints, and brightness of yellow!)

You Know you have had either the perfect amount of coffee, (or possibly too much!) when you go pee, and the aroma of fresh-brewed coffee rises up to greet your nostrils. The aroma of Coffee is usually a welcome aroma… even when you realize it is coming from your pee. But there are other items we consume which scent your pee as well. Some are delightful, and some are not so pleasant.

One of the funniest (surprising) aromas I can remember is the time I ate an entire bag of Funyuns. You know… those onion-ring shaped “Chips” (for lack of better description), that have  a sweet-onion flavor, are super salty, and once you eat one, you cannot stop until that bag is entirely gone! 

Well, after I ate that entire bag, the aroma from my pee was not entirely as delectable as the original flavor and aroma when they were still in chip-form. It was quite comical, though, because it was unmistakable as the aroma that eating Funyuns would create! Sure, the smell was still of onions, even sweet, too. But it also had quite an overwhelming pungency…. But not in a bad way. It is really difficult to describe, so I guess you’d just hafta try it for yourself!  And be prepared to laugh at yourself, and how the amazing human body processes all we take-in, and how different items completely change the chemistry in our bodies.

There are soo many other foods, beverages, etc that change the chemistry in our own bodies. Take, for example, Pineapple (or pineapple juice ) on how it is used to help change the way …umm, shall we say “taste”? (Yes, of course I am gonna dare go there!) Perhaps you have not heard of this… Let’s say you happen to enjoy various activities with your partner, activities which may involve your mouth, and their… umm, shall we just say “regions down there”. Many people do not like how a person tastes, but pineapple juice changes the chemistry, making it more “tolerable”. Of course, there are many other “flavorings” which work, too, but this is one that is more-widely known than some of the others. The point is that almost anything we consume Does change how the body smells, tastes, even sometimes feels. (Of course, it would be simple to apply something topically to change the scent, flavor, or feel… but that is like putting salt on the rim of your favorite Margarita… it is only on the edge, the flavor in the cup is still the same. If the margarita is not a good flavor, the salt only goes so far to cover it. If the flavor is changed from within, then you need not lick the rim to enjoy the cup… you can simply go enjoy the cup, and not worry about where the salt is not covering… or if you will run out of salt before you finish the cup.)

Enough about that area… let me get back to my original thought on the way our pee is scented.

Other foods which I have noticed create some particularly pleasant aromas, even more-fun colors, would include large quantities of popcorn, pretzels, nuts, chips, and cheeses. Even pizza, or bread-sticks loaded with butter, seasonings, and other flavorings! If you notice, most of these are high in salt. I have concluded that somehow the salt plays an important part in getting these scents into the urine, whereas other less-salty foods may have slight scents in the urine, they are not as noticeable. With the popcorn, it is especially fun to discover how the different flavors we often add to our popcorn creates various smells. Popcorn, all by itself is wonderful! But add lots of butter, and suddenly you have a smell of sweet, salty fresh buttered-popcorn! Make your popcorn cheesy, and you end-up with a wonderful aroma of cheesy popcorn! Of course, on the topic of cheeses: If you enjoy cheese, you know there are so many choices, and each is suited for its own occasion. You know how strong, or sharp, or smoky various cheeses are to the taste. Now imagine how much those same features become very prominent in your pee! Like smoky cheeses? Your pee will have a wonderful smoky aroma. Like Jalapeno cheeses? Yup! Jalapeno-pee! Like Extra sharp cheese? Yup… you get a very strong, sharp scent in your pee! How about nuts? 

(The ones that grow in nature, not the ones grown as part of a male’s anatomy!~ ugh, you all have such dirty minds… Oh, wait… I Do Too!) Every kind of nut creates its own scent. Don’t believe me? I guess you need to experiment for yourself! Keep in mind, I am talking large quantities of any of the above foods, not simply a handful, or nibble.

On the topic of beverages, Of course Coffee is high on the list of ones creating pleasant aromas. But almost any beverage would do the same if consumed in large quantities. Try various flavors of tea. How about your favorite fruit-juices? I like Cranberry Juice. But I only notice the smell appears when I drink it hot. Yup, just warm it in a mug in the microwave, and drink it like a tea... ~Ahhh, heavenly! And of course the smell is unbeatable as it scents your pee! Yup, even alcohol will be Very obvious in the scent of your pee. (Even tho’ I never drink any more, and it has been a very long time since I did experiment with alcohol.) I learned from my own experiences, plus by being near others when they pee’d.

I know I am not the only one whose urine is scented like what has been consumed, but the few times I have ever mentioned this to anyone else, they seem to think it is the craziest thing they have ever heard-of! I have often been around others when they pee, and have mentioned what scent I smelled, and they thought that was weird. I am always wondering why others do not notice their scent(s). I wonder if my sense of smell, or my awareness if it is different, or if it is simply that they never paid attention. I tend to pay attention to details many do not, and often those who notice what I observe are amazed. I tend to think the scent of urine detection is in that category. It seems that few notice it, and those few who do, would rather not admit, or discuss that they do.  

I have never been offended just because someone pees. Sure, it is often embarrassing, or somehow humiliating to either see anther go, or to have them see you… but as long as it is happening, might as well enjoy it, right? (I will address this topic more in the soon-to be posted topic of “The Places We Go”)

How about you? Have You Ever noticed what scents your pee has? Would you admit it if you did? Have you purposely consumed certain foods, or beverages to see what it would change? (And if you have not, … I am betting you will soon… !)

Meanwhile, I think I will have another cup of coffee…  Happy Pee-ing Everyone! ~=:-)
A Caution!: As if this whole writing isn't gonna already be a tad-off-color... I do not wanna totally shock ya. This Next Picture might be considered a bit more shocking. Yes, I am nekkid in this picture, but nothing is visible... except the coffee cup... I think it is funny, and fits this topic quite well, but if you aren't sure you wanna see me covered only by a coffee mug, then perhaps, either enter with an open mind, or closed eyes... Or just don't scroll any further. 

May You consume what gives you wonderful smiles as you pee... :)

Build a MacBook for less than $20

Want a MacBook? I can Build ya one :)

I have a friend whose daughter was turning 16. She wanted to get her a Mac Computer for this birthday. In the few minutes of discussing this, My mind started playing with how I could twist those words, and come up with my own version of a Mac Computer.

Sometimes, the word-play that comes to my mind can be a dangerous thing... especially if I actually act on the thoughts. For a bit of background, First I must tell you a bit more about how my mind works:

The Rules of interacting with me:
~You must know that Every word said can and does have more than one meaning.
~ You must know that I WILL Use every meaning possible to the most humorous advantage.
~ I Love to engage others in getting their mind to grasp this word-play.
~ I Love to give. If You mention something you wish to have, get, acquire, or need, You Just might find that I will give you what you said you wanted... BUT Often, It will not be as You thought, but it will be what My Mind twisted it into.

An Example of how this works:
Back in 2005, I got my job at Domino's Pizza as a delivery driver. Since my manager was always stuck inside, she could not run and get a snack, beverage, cigarettes, etc while she was working. I could easily stop anywhere and bring back what she needed. I often asked as I headed out on a run "Is there anything you need, or want?" More times than not, her reply was "A Million Dollars On An Ice Cream Cone!" This was always good for a laugh, since she definitely would love to have a Million Dollars, And What could possibly be better than  having that on an ice cream cone? It was flip, funny, and pretty much left ya knowing there was nothing you could do about that, but laugh, and carry-on.

But with my mind, there most certainly was something I could... And Would Do about that.
After more than a year of hearing this, I finally delivered it to her on Christmas Morning. How, you might ask did I come up with "A Million Dollars on an ice cream cone"? Think a bit differently... Play with the way the words sound, Not how they are spelled.

I went to the craft-store, bought a huge bag of white, curly doll hair. Then I went to The Ben n Jerry's Ice Cream, and bought The biggest Waffle-cone they sold. Just the cone. I went home, got out my glue-gun, and got creative. On Christmas Morning, with her family, I presented her with this gift. She opened the box, took one look, and died laughing. She was laughing so hard, she could not say a word. ALL of her family looked on in bewilderment. The family consisted of her husband, two daughters (aged 10 and 12), and her mother. Every one of these people had heard her say the same thing I had heard about what she wanted. They each looked at this gift in the box, and did not get it. She still could not speak, since she was laughing so hard, so I tried to explain the gift. I told them "What does She Always Ask for?" Even though every one of them knew the answer, they did not connect the word-play. They each repeated the same phrase "A Million Dollars on an Ice Cream Cone", Yet still did not catch it.

How About You?? Have you connected it yet? Remember: Play with the words, ignore the spelling...
"A Million Doll-Hairs on an Ice Cream Cone"

So, with this in mind, Now back to the Mac Computer...

I Teased my friend that I had an idea, but I could not give her any hints. I went about the process of building a Mac Computer... and was determined to do it for less than $20.

First stop: The Grocery store...

Buy a variety of pasta. (starting to see where I am going with this?) :)
Get out your glue gun, and start building.

 Start by building a sturdy base, and the lid with a screen. Lasagna is good for this :)

Now that you have your base, and screen, 

You will need a hinge, and a keyboard.

Lay-out the hinge with large Rigatoni noodles.

Start lining up the keys of the keyboard with Large Shells.

Add the finishing touches to The Keyboard, 

And add a Touch-mouse-pad, too!

 To make the hinge functional, alternate the pieces... Three on the lid, three on the base. (be sure to elevate them enough, so when it is closed, the raised keys have space, and are not crunched.)
Now, Connect the hinge:
Place the lid on the Base. Line-up the hinge, and insert heavy Spaghetti noodles as a pin.

 Now, add some decorative finishes.

 Make a fun pattern on The Lid. (Nobody wants a boring Mac Book!)

This is her, receiving her New Mac Computer! 

The one on the left shows the lid.
The one on the right shows the finished Mac Book... And Her grin!









I Absolutely Love giving! I love it even more, when it is exactly what was asked for, yet with a twist! So, How about you... What Do You Want? Be careful what you ask for... You Just might get it! ~=:-)

My First True Love...

A True Love:

 As Valentine’s Day is fast approaching, we all tend to get that longing feeling for some romance.

But what kind of romance do we seek?

Some would say that a fast, short-lived wild-fling would do the trick.

Some would say that something that is comfortable, and has been around a while is better.

Many would rather go for something new, and exciting, rather than old, and comfortable.

There are even some who wish to have more than one love at the same time.

There are those who do not have a current love, or even a crush, and would settle for (almost) anything that happened to be available.

Whichever is the one that happens to be your love of the moment, there is no doubt that we all have the same thing in common: And that is there is no comparison to our Very First True Love!

Whether you call your first a fling, a crush, a romance, or a love, there is no denying that the first always makes the biggest impression on your heart. The first is the one that all others that follow are compared to. The first is the one we learn new thrills, seek new adventures, and see how far, how fast we can go. The first will surprise us, push us to new adventures, and even often help us discover freedoms we never even dreamed of experiencing. The first will also cause great discomfort, and often disappoint us as we learn how to treat our love so as to make the best of every moment, and to keep from causing harm. There are things we expect, but having not had a previous to compare to, we tend to expect the same we have seen from others who already have their own love all around us. We quickly learn that the love we have acquired is completely different, and cannot at all be expected to behave, or even respond in the same manner we have seen work for others.

Sometimes, and actually often, the one we have for our first has already been loved by another, but since this is our very first, we tend to forget that our love has already been around the block. (Or more appropriately, we do not wish to know how many blocks that one has been around.) We like to believe this is as new for us, as it is for our new love.

Often those in our surrounding families, friends, and other acquaintances do not seem thrilled, or even seem to approve at all, of the one we decide to make our first. Or, often we really do not choose our first, but we just happen to end up together. We often do pretty stupid things with our first that those same people will remind us of for life. And no matter how bad the first is, we always defend our decision to keep that one around.

Eventually, we tend to end up moving-on. When we finally do move-on, it is hard to do. We know  how important that first one is, and how many memories we have created. When we do decide it is time to part ways, it is often done with mixed feelings. Those who have watched you and your first go through life’s journey know it is time, and carefully choose their words on how they support us in this difficult time. They often are glad to see this come to an end, but know better than to say anything that could hurt us in the process. It is often only many years (or even many loves) later that we truly find out how they felt about our very first. Sadly, those same people are often the ones responsible for us finding, or meeting our very first.

Seldom can we ever have our very first love again once we have moved-on and parted ways. Occasionally, we see what was once our first around town, but is now the love of another. As we see the way the new person treats what was once ours, we notice they see it the same way we used to. We will often look longingly at what we used to have, and often wonder why we ever parted ways. Many times, though we are more than happy to have gotten rid of that one, and almost feel sorry for the one who has that one now. Sometimes, once we have parted ways, you will never see that one again. Then as the years go on, you wonder what ever happened to your first love. You see one around town that is similar, but you notice all the things that tell you this one is definitely not the one you loved. You know all too well about all the tiny little details, and know for sure this was not your first love. Then you go and enjoy the one that is currently your love.

As Valentine’s Day approaches, I am reminded that I do not have a current love. Most of the time, this is not even an issue, and I just go about life without any concern about being without. For some reason, at this time of year, I tend to wonder if I should once again seek out one to love. I have had many loves in my life, and there have been many times I have been without. As I am going through old photos, and boxes, files and other things, I am finding many photos, and other reminders of My Very First Love. I am also finding photos and reminders of all the other loves I have had in my life. I chuckle, though when I realize that there were some who I loved that I do not have any photographs of. I often find many wonderful reminders of those loves, but for some reason I have gotten rid of any photos that may have existed.

But I Do have many many photos of My Very First Love. …

My First Love had some wonderful curves, and definitely knew how to get my attention. I was 18 at the time. There were others around town that were similar, but none of them quite got my attention the same way. I knew this was the one for me! I was proud that many others actually enjoyed looking at the one I had chosen. Many people agreed this was perfect match, and of course some thought this was quite a mis-match. But I was devoted, happy, and eager! My first love was actually quite wild, and more than I knew how to handle, but with a little practice, things became quite smooth, and comfortable.

Here are some of those photos:

Oh! You thought I was talking about LOVE Between Humans?? Hehe!

Sorry, I could not resist! (Now, go back and re-read this, and you will see I never once referred to anything about love with a human… it is ALL about The Love We Have with our Very First Vehicle.)

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY EVERYONE!

May you find the love you desire on this day of love and romance! JOn~=:-)

I'll Take The Soup!

"I'll Take The Soup!"

In Honor of Superbowl, I feel it is only appropriate to share one of my all-time favorite jokes:

An old man and old woman are sitting in the living room watching T.V.

The old woman wishes to spice-up their evening, and whispers in her husband's ear, but he gets upset because she was interrupting the show.

She thought about it a few minutes, then left the room and went upstairs.

The old man was not terribly concerned, and just kept watching his show.

After a while, the old woman comes down the stairs wearing nothing but a red cape, wrapped around her body. She stops in front of her husband, effectively blocking his view of the T.V.

He notices she is wearing only a red cape, and realizes this is not normal, so he says,"Good Lord Ethyl, What are You Doing?"

She Whipped the cape back with a flourish, exposing her naked body to him, and exclaims,
"Are You Ready For Some Super Sex?!"

To which the old man replies, "I'll Take The Soup!"

So, ever since I first heard that joke many years ago, every time I hear anything preceded by "super", My mind automatically says "I'll Take The Soup!" Often, the soup sounds much more appealing than whatever someone is trying to hype with the word "Super".

Superbowl is no exception. I would much rather have a bowl of soup, than a Superbowl. (and anybody who knows me, knows I do not do soup!)

For those of you who happen to get excited about The Superbowl... Have fun, but do not expect me to share your excitement, let alone show any enthusiasm towards it, the people going nuts because of it, or all the companies who spent billions of dollars needlessly because of it.

I'll be having the soup... hopefully somewhere I cannot hear anything about it. JOn~=:-)

Crayons? Or Multi Colored Emergency Repair Kit?

Crayola Crayons.
ALWAYS A SMILE
There is something magical about a box of Crayons. Especially a Brand-New Box!
Many years ago, while living in Charlottesville, Virginia, I received a package in the mail from my Dad. (it is always fun to get a package in the mail!) I opened-it, and was pleasantly surprised to find a box of crayons. That was the entire package... one box of 24 Crayola Crayons. And there was a note sticking out of the box of crayons. Here is what the note said:

"These multipurpose color sticks are designed for emergency repairs to any colored surface (wood, metal, glass, fabric, stucco, cement, brick, etc.) for the purpose of restoring or changing colors resulting from breakage, scratches, chips, scrapes, stitches, or too much time on your hands, or boredom.

Warning: These color sticks are not recommended for use with foods, or beverages that are going to be consumed, however, they may be used on surfaces of such items that will be used strictly for decorative purposes. If such items are accidentally ingested, contact the nearest Poison Control Center, explain what happened, and when they quit laughing hysterically, they may be able to give you some advice on how to counteract your colorful new diet. It may be as simple as spreading an artist’s canvas on the toilet seat."

Oh How wonderful! I was slightly baffled, at first that my dad would send me Just a box of Crayons. But He ALWAYS had some fun reason for why he would send a package. Once I read the note, it made me smile, laugh, and totally appreciate the effort!

Crayons are magical. Just the sight of them inspires creativity, fun, and imagination.

Everyone smiles when the see them.

I had packed this box of Crayons away, (and forgotten about it) and kept it boxed for the past 4 or 5 years. The box these crayons had been packed-in was not kept in a cool-storage. The box with the crayons has been in hot storage units, garages, and even The Vegas summer heat (well over 120 degrees!). When I opened the box yesterday, I was thrilled to dicover this happy little box of Crayons. I could smell the scent of the Crayola Crayons long before I ever got to where there were burried in that box. The Scent instantly reminded me of the feeling I got the day I opened them in my mail. I smiled, but thought they would be a melted-mess, and stuck all over everything else inside that box. Imagine my surprise when they were not melted! They were surprisingly in perfect condition!

I took these pictures yesterday. These Are The Crayons that I had packed-away, and thought would be melted! They are Beautiful!

It is amazing to me how such a little thing can take you to such a happy place. A Simple Smell, a Simple color, or even a folded piece of paper. Our mind is a wonderful thing. The tiniest of details that are stored and recalled, when we seemingly need them the most.

I Knew Instantly when I opened that box yesterday how I wanted to lay them out for some fun pictures.

I Just Wish I Could Capture the Scent, Too!

Perhaps, you CAN Smell them through your own stored memories?

Isn't it Amazing How something so simple as Crayola Crayons can create such WONDERFUL FEELINGS?

If you find use of these as an Emergency Repair Color Stick, I would love to hear about it. If You should decide to eat them, I am not sure I would want to see your finished work...

I Hope You Have a Wonderful Day!

~=:-)

"I'll Be Back... What about Mozart?"

“I’ll Be back.” “I’ll Be Mozart”:

(insert Groan here)

Memorable phrases, quips and quotes.

I love wit, humor, puns, and almost anything that when said makes the person hearing it rewind a bit, ponder it, then chuckle. To play with words, and make another smile, groan, laugh, or just walk away shaking their head is an art-form. Some would call it “Punishment”. (Pun intended).

Sometimes, we do not realize the lasting effect some of the silliest little quips may have. Only when we utter the words said by someone in our past, does the real enjoyment set-in. We pick up little things as we go through life, and often do not realize how much they stick, or how much they seem to bring the warmth, love, and humor of someone you miss back into your present life.

Today I got a voicemail from Kathie in Virginia. She called to tell me the legend I left behind in Virginia still lives. We always played with our words while at work (and out of work, too of course!). The one she called to tell me about was one of my fondest, and one that has fallen on deaf ears since landing in Vegas. When leaving the building, she would say, “I’ll be Back.” To which I would reply, “I’ll be Beethoven.” Or we would mix it up, and say “Mozart”. Her current employer in Virginia has the same humor. She called to tell me she was leaving the building, and told her boss, “I’ll be back” and her boss said, “what about ‘Mozart’?” So she said, “Okay, I’ll be Mozart” and went out the door laughing and smiling. Then called me to tell me! This really made me smile, and gave me a good laugh, too!

I feel puns, plays-on-words, and banter are just a normal way to make work a more enjoyable experience. Some of the puns are welcomed in Vegas, but I find more times than not, I have to explain them. If ya gotta explain the pun, it is usually wasted. It seems not everyone was raised in a world where they are taught to look for fun in everyday words, and to see where they can exercise the brain in an otherwise mundane environment. For those who have never been taught the play-on-words way of life, it is difficult to introduce. Fear not, though. For every ten I have to explain, there are one or two that actually stick! (Yes! They are trainable… hehee!)

Often the words we hear from those in our daily lives stick, and when we least expect it, we find ourselves uttering those same words, and it brings us such a warmth, and feeling like they are still by our side. For many reasons, people are in our lives, and are often not as long as we would hope. But those words, and feelings are brought back when we seemingly need to hear them the most.

The ones that often are the best, are ones created by language-barriers, or by those who speak a different native-tongue than we do. These are not meant to make fun of anyone, or any language, but rather to make the barriers more enjoyable, and even bring a smile, rather than frustration. Working in the pizza industry has a few that will always stick with me, and I have even managed to get most of my coworkers in new environments to adapt, and even use the funny ones. For example, there are some languages which have difficulty pronouncing the word “Hawaiian”. When they call on the phone to place an order for a Hawaiian Pizza, they manage to get the word as “Hiya-Wanna”. So, rather than getting frustrated at attempts to teach them the proper pronunciation, we would ourselves adapt, and use the same word they do. So now, Every place I work that has anything “Hawaiian” in the name, it becomes “Hiya-Wanna”. Once I explain the name I call it, other coworkers are eager to join-in.

Also humorous, but could be frustrating if you let it be is how different cultures, languages, and ethnicities either recognize, or do not recognize certain sounds. Sometimes the way the translation comes out acquires a whole-new meaning, and is often humorous, depending on which side of the barrier you are on. Take the ones who do not pronounce “V’s” as a “v-sound”, yet it comes out as a “W-Sound”. A “Vegetable, or Veggie” becomes “A Weggie”. So, when someone calls up, and orders “A Large Weggie”, one cannot help but chuckle, and think they want a “Wedgie”. (in case you do not catch the pun, a “wedgie” as defined by Wikkipedia is: “A wedgie occurs when a person's underwear or other garments are wedged between the buttocks.”) I have received many “weggies”, but the most memorable was from Alan in Virginia. (Those who know Alan will understand).

Sometime we hear jokes , and Always remember the one(s) we heard it from first.

A good (or bad, You decide) example of language differences is “Tenjewberrymuds” I heard from Jenn and Maria:

“Do You Want Some Meel with Your Toes?” Huh? Don’t understand…. Here it is: (well, one version of the funny story):

Room Service - Tenjewberrymuds

The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service at a hotel in Asia. It was recorded and published in the Far East Economic Review:

To get the full effect it should be read aloud. [You will understand what 'tenjewberrymuds' means by the end of the conversation.]

Room Service (RmSv): Morrin. Roon sirbees.

Guest: Sorry, I thought I dialled room-service.

RmSv: Rye...Roon sirbees...morrin! Jewish to oddor sunteen?

Guest: Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs.

RmSv: Ow July den?

Guest: What??

RmSv: Ow July den?...pryed, boyud, poochd?

Guest: Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please.

RmSv: Ow July dee baykem? Crease?

Guest: Crisp will be fine.

RmSv: Hokay. An Sahn toes?

Guest: What?

RmSv: An toes. July Sahn toes?

Guest: I don't think so.

RmSv: No? Judo wan sahn toes??

Guest: I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn toes' means.

RmSv: Toes! toes!... Why jew don juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?

Guest: English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine.

RmSv: We bodder?

Guest: No...just put the bodder on the side.

RmSv: Wad?

Guest: I mean butter... just put it on the side.

RmSv: Copy?

Guest: Excuse me?

RmSv: Copy...tea...meel?

Guest: Yes. Coffee, please, and that's all.

RmSv: One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin we bodder on sigh and copy...rye?

Guest: Whatever you say.

RmSv: Tenjewberrymuds.

Guest: You're very welcome.

(Special thank to Will and Guys Clean Funny Jokes:

http://www.guy-sports.com/index.htm  )



I have been fortunate to have been around many people in my youth that taught (some would say brainwashed) me to use puns, play-on-words, and twisted humor to make it through some of life’s daily struggles.

Kathie was not the only one in Virginia, but she managed to make some of THE BEST Memories! We both managed to test one another on the limits of how much our brains could go different directions under the stress of a busy, crazy, chaotic workplace. I often would ask if there was anything she needed, or wanted while I was out. One of her standard replies was “A Million Dollars On An Ice Cream Cone.” Now, put yourself in my position, and think about how you could actually do that for someone you love. It took me a little over a year to come up with a solution on that request, but I finally gave it to her one Christmas! I will write a completely separate blog on that one…some day. Meanwhile, you will have to dig deep into your twisted thoughts to see if you can come up with how I managed to pull that one off.

Urinal Humor (not to be confused with Toilet Humor)

Urinals: Functional, Often Funny!

On my Flickr Photo page, I look up the stats to see what links, and searches bring my photos up. Often the search words are quite funny. When I open up the search, not only do my own photos appear, it shows me all the other people's photos that come up with the same search. For some odd reason, "Urinals" has been a hot topic. This photo to the right is one of mine that always comes up. It is one of my favorite bathrooms in Downtown Portland. What makes it so special? The incredible tile work! having done many tile-installs myself, I appreciate good craftsmanship, and creativity. The urinals, themselves are not attractive, or even anything of interest. The bathroom is a stand-alone building in a park, and it's quality, and design always make me happy. It is a public restroom, and is almost always surprisingly clean, too!

Some of the funny pictures that have come up along with my own in the searches, have got me laughing, and for some reason some of the photos stick in my mind, making me chuckle long after I leave the page. I decided to gather some of the funny ones here. The rest of these photos in this blog ARE NOT MINE. All of the photos below are from other Flickr Members, and if you click on the photo, you will be taken to their page. (Enter those pages at your own risk, for I have no control over their content, or what you will see.) I have pre-screened every profile to be sure I am not linking you to anything I would not support, but Their pages could change. The photos are funny, and you can see more details of where they were taken by clicking on the photos. 

Do Ya Suppose Anheiser Busch

Would Approve this use of a Keg?



Hmmm... A Shark. Watch the Teeth!



A Mix of The 80's, Plus Possibly some
Rocky Horror Picture Show?

Perhaps You are a Nature Lover,
and Wish to Water The Flowers? 

If You are shy, or easisly intimidated, you might wish to avoid bathrooms where there are ladies looking down at you, some giggling, some with cameras, some with scissors, or even those with mischievious grins....

Just Funny!.... But so wrong in so many ways...

Perhaps you wish to make a political statement?

I Know people view religion in different ways... But is there really anyone who would feel right about this? I find it hilarious, but disturbing in so many ways....

Originally found on Flickr, Titled "Unholy Urinals". The original poster has left Flickr, so it is now not linked there.

And Finally.... This one is so wrong in sooo many ways.... I could not even imagine how filthy those are, and can you imagine

 (or probably best if you dont)

what people do in this bathroom?!

 

I have a love-hate relationship with urinals.

I love the way they make life easy. I hate the way they are often disgusting.

To me, the best urinal would be a tree, or any other place in nature.

I absolutely hate when there are many guys at the same time using them. Most guys just do not know boundaries, or even practice good hygiene.

Something that is so necessary for humans is often the most awkward, disgusting, or even humiliating. The Absolute worst design I ever saw of a Urinal, was in Auburn, Washington. A Large church there had an outdoor ampitheater, and the bathrooms were designed to accomodate large crowds all at the same time. The Urinals were large stainless steel troughs lined-up down the middle of the bathroom. Guys lined-up all around the perimeter, shoulder to shoulder, and facing into the center to pee. Yup... You faced, and peed toward other guys. There were pipes hanging down in the middle constantly spraying water. So ya have guys who can't aim, and do not know how to behave, all peeing toward one another, and the water is also spraying on you. You would not think going to a church event would be so disgusting! I Only used the bathroom once. I waited until we left, and found a gas station later.

I have traveled all over The United States, and often am quite delighted when I find a  clean, well-lit, and even welcoming bathroom. Occasionally I find one I want to take a picture of, but not often.

This one below is another of Mine. It is at The Vista House on Crown Point, Oregon. It is well-lit, always clean, and has sparkling marble, polished wood, and plenty of windows. It is one of those places people always take a picture of, and it is not unusual to have women come in to take pictures, too. 

I Hope you find Humor in what would often only be a basic necessity of life.

Have a Wonderful Day, and Find a Fun Place to Go, when Ya gotta go!

Thanks for reading My Blog! JOn ~=:-)

A BEAR (or is it BARE) In The Desert!

A BEAR (or is it BARE?) InThe Desert!

How would You React to Seeing a Bear, or BARE in The Desert?

“At Least I Know I Will Not Run Into Any Bears while hiking in The Desert.”

That is what I told a friend the day before I went hiking in The Desert…AND ACTUALLY RAN INTO A BEAR!

While at work, a friend and I were discussing the differences between hiking in the mountains, and hiking in the desert. We were discussing the different things you might encounter in the different regions of The U.S. The topic of snakes, critters, and other dangers came up. The possibilities of what one may encounter while in remote regions, and the dangers that could harm someone while hiking are as varied as the different types of regions. I am an avid hiker/ trekker/ explorer. I have been all my life. I am always curious, and want to learn what lives in any region, and the dangers those critters (big or small) may present to a Human. I do not have fear (usually) of these critters, but I DO Have Respect for them! If one goes through life in fear, they will likely forget to enjoy what nature has to offer, and often make tragic mistakes. Fear blocks the mind, and does not allow one to make logical, sensible decisions when faced with the danger. Understanding, and knowing what to do is a key to surviving what nature holds.

While discussing this subject, we were also discussing all the new things there were to learn, and understand. I had just recently moved from Oregon to Las Vegas. I have previously been in many different regions of The U.S., but The Mojave Desert is new territory for me. We were discussing how different snakes behave, how different spiders, and other crawling critters behave. I am quite familiar with snakes, and spiders. Scorpions are another story. I expressed that I was actually looking forward to finding Tarantulas, Scorpions, and some of the snakes I had not previously encountered. My friend mentioned that those are scary, and a good reason to NOT Go out in The Desert. I find those to only be a threat if you are not aware they are there. Awareness is a huge key to not getting hurt. I would rather hike with those than where the bears are. Bears are beautiful, and I have hiked around them most of my life. Bears are also THE ONE THING that Scares me! I have had bear-surprises more times than was comfortable. I have always done what one is supposed to do, when a bear is suddenly face-to-face with you, and never had a bad thing happen from a bear. Even camping, or backpacking, I have woken to bears in my camp, and even looking right at me through the tent-door. But I ALWAYS took the needed precautions, keeping food away from the tent, hung from a tree, and made sure to never wear food-smelling clothes into the tent. I Have had some scares, but never more from a bear.

When I was leaving work that day, and knowing I was going hiking the next day, My friend told me to “Be safe, and watch for the deadly critters while naked out there!” I laughed, and replied, “At least I know I will not run into any bears in The Desert.” Ha! Famous last words!

Well, I DID See a BEAR While Hiking in the Desert!
The funny thing is, There was BARE, and BEAR! Yup! While Hiking naked, I also found a BEAR!


Ya gotta love the humor of some people! I was at least five miles from the nearest anything, and suddenly, here is a recliner-chair, and a Giant Stuffed Bear! I am sure many would find it odd to see someone hiking totally naked in the 120-degree heat in the middle of a Desert. What I found unusual was that someone would go to the effort to haul a chair, and a stuffed animal out here. They set the bear up in the chair, on a small hill, overlooking the valley, and facing Sunrise Mountain. It would seem the bear has been out there for many years, and is quite content to sit and bake all day in the sun. He has a great view, and watches the sunrise every morning. He gets to see all the critters come and go. I am sure he sees his share of intrepid hikers go by, and probably has seen more than one could possibly imagine.

This bear is crusty with what nature has dealt him in this harsh environment. He has been through blazing heat in the summer, and below-freezing temperatures in the winter. I guess that would answer the life-long question about whether or not bear meat can in fact be frozen, then thawed, and still remain good! This bear seems to have been frozen, thawed, and baked to a golden-brown hundreds of times. And while He seems to be a little on the weathered side, He still seems quite content to sit here, and watch the sunrise every day. He has seen His share of flash-floods as they wash below his perch. He has withstood many freak- storms, as The Desert is known for sudden, and even violent Thunderstorms. He has seen rain, and likely is still wet inside from the soakings, and probably has dents in his head from the hail that has come. I am sure He has made friends with many scorpions, ants, snakes, and other assorted Desert Critters.

It makes me laugh to ponder all the possible reasons this bear was placed here, and the circumstances, and events that happened in the process of him being placed here. I can imagine the hilarity that followed, and even the many visits those people have made back out to visit this bear. I can imagine all the photos of this bear, and all the varied people that have posed with him. I can imagine the surprise, wonder, and humor that every single person who has stumbled upon him has enjoyed. I can imagine the caution, yet curiosity of the wild animals that live out here. Imagine the Coyote that comes out for his evening hunt, and suddenly finds this bear in a chair. Imagine the process that coyote goes through for endless hours trying to figure out this new thing. Is it safe? Why does it smell like Humans? Why does it not move? Why is it here? Is it edible? And, imagine as this timid Coyote is edging closer to this new thing, the breeze suddenly makes a bit of it wiggle, and the coyote jumps a foot high!

 I laugh at the possibility that this may have actually been placed with a hidden camera, and they are filming everyone and everything that comes near. (Picture me discreetly scanning my surroundings for a hidden camera.) Often we go places, and do things which we likely would be less eager to do, if We KNEW there was a camera. It gives me a laugh, though, and then rather than worrying about IF There was a camera, my mind turns to: “I wonder where I can see the footage they capture?” While most of what I do anymore in life would not change one bit, camera, or not, I still think occasionally like I did when I lived a Secret naked life. I am not secretive about much anymore. I have learned to embrace who I am, and What I do. While many think naked is somehow illegal, it is absolutely not. I do not do anything that could get me arrested, nor will I do anything that could land me in jail. (Simply naked is not illegal. For it to be illegal, it must be either Lewd, or Obscene… or both. The trouble comes when Most Do NOT understand the laws, and automatically think naked by itself is illegal, and even harmful. I simply enjoy as much of life as is practical without clothes. I seldom am where groups of people will see me, and the few that do are quite welcoming, because of how I go about it.)

(Not Sure You Are Comfortable Seeing Photos of Me Enjoying Life Nekkid?)

Look at your own level of comfort:

Here, you see many photos of me Bare with The Bear. I did not include anything too revealing. I was having a ball, and had not a care in the world while out there. I do not hide the fact that I love life naked.

My slogan in life (and the name of my blog) is: “Enter With An Open Mind, Or Closed Eyes”. I have found that when given a choice as to how much you view, or not, most find it quite welcoming, comfortable, and even funny. Many in my life who had previously thought naked was bad have been happy, and even comfortable around me while I am enjoying life in this way. For those of you who have seen me struggle and accept who I am in the past, can appreciate how much growth I have discovered along the way. I have written many blogs about the troubles, and torment I have been through. Rather than list a dozen links, You can just look to the list of labels to the right;
-------------------->>>
 Pick any label you want to see more of my thoughts on, and it will take you to the blogs. So far None of my blogs show any nudity. This is the first which shows any at all. The blog may discuss naked, and tell about it, but it is not to force anything on anybody. I like to let people discover for themselves what level of comfort is good for them. I have started the blog exploring what makes me who I am, and the struggles of what has brought me to where I currently am. Naked is a huge part of who I am, and What I do. Those who accept me into their lives do so at their own comfort level. BARE In The Desert is a major part of my life, since I currently live in a desert. Humor is also a huge part of my life. Thus, Bear, or Bare in The Desert is very fitting.

Many times, I have discovered that people want to explore naked in a “secret”, safe environment. That is another reason I freely make my photos available for all who play nice to view. Many people are not sure they want to see someone Bare in person, so they look through my photos first, and decide from there, it IS indeed safe, and even comfortable. (every photo in my blogs links to My Flickr phot account.) Feel free to explore at your own level of comfort…(and also know there is no way for anyone to know you were even there. The ONLY time I know who visits my pages is when they choose to leave a comment. There will NEVER be anything illegal, sexual, or even anything that is not family-friendly. You want to look, but cannot see what you want? Or You see more than you wish? My profile in Flickr details how to control what you do, or do not see. How much you see, or not is completely up to you. There are many levels of comfort. What you do is entirely your choice.)

I Hope You found joy, humor, and even comfort in discovering a BEAR (OR IS IT BARE?) In The Desert!
I Hope you have a SAFE and Wonderful day, and Thank you for Entering with an open mind, or closed eyes! JOn ~=:-)

"I Went to a Nude-beach, and Saw ~GASP!~ I Saw My Grandma!

Naked Chicks. Not Always As Hot as You Think., a photo by JOn's ~=:-) view on Flickr.

I went to a nude-beach and saw ~GASP!!~
I Saw My Grandma!
I always get a kick out of statements such as this. For some odd reason people have the impression that Nude beaches are nothing but sexy, hot, super-models frolicking in the surf, sun, and sand. This is what happens when people shelter themselves from the real world. TV, magazines, and Movies tend to make people believe the only time people are naked is when they are somehow unrealistic.

Humans have a way of ignoring what is real-life, and come to believe the media portrays an ideal portrait. For some reason everyone associates a clothing-optional beach as a place where no imperfect bodies could exist. Yet, they seem to think their own imperfect body is the exception. They screw up the courage to finally venture down to one, with high hopes.

Then the horror of reality hits them hard. They are horrified to see people there, fully naked, and not hiding a thing. They see people from every walk of life, and people they never in their wildest imagination could have imagined naked. All around, all they see is ~Gasp! Their own Grandma!! …. Or at least a human that bears a very similar resemblance. This is an image that for some reason most have until faced with it full-on, tried to deny exists. What is that resemblance? It is the image of a real woman. A woman who has given birth to many children, and has the stretch marks, and extra curves to show for it. They see a woman whose breasts have nourished many hungry babies, and are not firm, high, and perky. They hang unevenly, have stretch marks, and even the nipples are oddly-shaped. They see a woman who has plenty of curves, yet those curves are not where they had hoped to see them. They see the region where those babies came out of, and are horrified that this area is no longer pleasing to view. They see a woman who has long-since given-up the vanity of shaving, having long, sparse, even wild, gray hair in regions they never imagined they would see. They see reality. They are horrified.

I use the example above, only because that is the most vivid example, and most true, realistic, picture I can portray, that most in our world can identify with. Of Course, there are men who no longer look like the male-models, but you hear more often from people who had expected to see women of super-model status.
I learned long, long ago, that all humans are beautiful. To me, these humans one sees at a clothing-optional place ARE Indeed Beautiful, and I would never wince, flinch, or feel horrified to have seen them. Perhaps I was fortunate to have grown-up around people who cherish humans for who they are, not how they appear. That is a key reason I started to frequent clothing-optional beaches. The people who are there, are just like you and me. They are not there to judge another, or to go and gawk at unrealistic bodies. Most of the time, the people at a nude beach would not even care if anyone else there was clothed, or fully naked. The whole purpose of these places is freedom. Freedom from social stigmas, from being judged, from somebody saying inappropriate things about your body. Clothing-optional beaches are not about sex, or how much you can see of another human’s body. They are simply about being able to relax, without being gawked-at, sized-up, or having to worry about how a bathing suit fits. There are plenty of regular beaches where that sort of activity is not only common, but encouraged. At a clothing-optional beach, you will see a greater mix, and variety of humans who do not fit the pre-determined social scene at regular beaches. People who visit clothing-optional beaches may not feel comfortable where people think appearance is the most important quality on a beach. Or have what some in our society would call abnormalities visible on their body.
It would not be uncommon to see a man covered head to toe in warts. Yet, he is welcome here. On a regular beach, people would freak-out, and run him off. It is not uncommon to see an amputee, a breast-cancer-survivor (with one, or both breasts removed), or someone with scars from some sort of massive burns. These people would be stared-at endlessly on a regular beach. It would not be uncommon to see an extremely skinny person, whose bones you could easily see, or an extremely obese person who is just as happy, and free as you could imagine. Heck, even with your own low esteem, and how you view your own self… You would be accepted, and welcome, even feel comfortable on a clothing-optional beach. They accepted me, didn’t they?

In addition to the most-common “horror” of seeing “your grandma naked”, I often hear some other, rather funny remarks from people who finally got the courage to visit a nude beach. Many often exclaim, “There are children! I can’t be naked in front of child! Isn’t that illegal??” It takes a while to teach some people that simply naked is not illegal, and unless you have sexual intentions, there is nothing harmful to a child about nudity. You can simply point-out that the children are more comfortable than the person who is freaking-out. If it was illegal, or in any way harmful, children would not be there. Often, to illustrate this point, we simply just point to The Sheriff, who happens to regularly patrol the beaches. At that point the newbie will often cover themselves up, because they somehow feel they are doing something illegal. It takes a while to explain to most that simply naked is in no way illegal. For it to be illegal, it must also be lewd, and/or obscene. Simply naked is neither of those.

Some other things that people are amazed at, and often quite interested in are the elaborate artwork that often adorns a human body. These artworks can be in the form of tattoos, purposeful scarring, piercings, body hair (you’d have to see it to understand), unique scarves, wraps, or other accessories. The piercings are, by far, the most elaborate, and often mind-boggling. “How did they get THAT pierced?” What is that chain attached to?” and other humorous inquiries. It is also humorous to watch as people discover that at a nude beach, there is not just one type of person that belongs there. You will see people of every race, ethnicity, religion (you might be surprised how many religions encourage nudity), political, of every class (poor all the way to rich), of every age (newborns all the way to 100-year-old), of every work environment (laborers, and blue collar, mixing with white collar workers…there is no division between management, and laborors), every sexual-orientation (you name it, it gathers here… and nobody feels threatened, or vulnerable), all types of body hair (the furry person to the completely bare person, and every variation in between…and even that is not limited to any specific gender).

Once the illusion of clothing is removed, it is easy to notice one common trait we all share: WE ARE ALL HUMAN. It is surprisingly easy to relax once one realizes they are AMONG HUMANS.
Thinking of visiting a nude beach? I have one simple suggestion that will make it easier for you to know what to expect. Look around your neighborhood, your grocery store, your bank, post office, work place, the gas station, your kid’s school, the hospital, and even the nursing home. What you see here, in everyday life, is what you will see at the nude beach. Now, with that in mind, go, relax, enjoy!

Who knows, you might finally meet your neighbor! Heck, you might even see your Grandma!