I Wanna Run Away....

I wanna run away….

For some reason, it seems I am entertaining possibly going down a destructive path in my near future. A couple of weeks ago, I blogged about Fall having arrived, but it did not feel like it. I mentioned how it was still in the hot temperature range, even though the sun had shifted southward, and the days were getting shorter. That is changing rapidly. I think the fall-feeling has finally caught up with me. For some reason, this season affects me in a negative way more than any other. I thrive on sunshine, and when Fall arrives, I notice a drastic change in the way the sun feels, and also feel it inwardly more so than just on the surface. At this time, the sun starts to retreat at a drastic rate. While I always try to fill my life with positive, and look for the joys in every single thing I do, I tend to take it personally when My Sun Leaves. I feel abandoned as I head out in the mornings, and the sun has decided to not get up, and shine on my day for a couple more hours. I notice the sun lurks further South even during the highest point of the day. I notice my South-facing windows, and balcony are now shadowed. Even taking a nap in the sun is fleeting, if at all possible. I notice how dark it is early in the evening, and how the temperatures start to demand the use of a blanket, and even require I close most of the windows. As this season sets-in, I have to be careful to not make any drastic decisions in life. The beginning of Fall is the hardest for me. I feel the life that the sun gives making a hasty retreat. I automatically go into a mood that is not entirely healthy. I Fight it, and seek to find ways to stay positive. If I do not recognize the change in my mood, I will easily follow-through with unwise decisions.

This week that feeling has been tugging at me especially hard. Today, I felt an impending doom lurking. This is not the first time I have had to address this feeling. My first urge was to get as far from any other human, or part of any human influence. This is the same feeling that made me leave (literally run away) Oregon in 2005. I recognize this feeling now, and know I need to avoid that. I know I need to find as much positive energy as I can… but in a safe manner. I Know that if I went out of my home in that frame of mind, I would make disastrous choices. At times like these, I am especially glad that I do not have a vehicle. This is the time when I could easily go for a drive, and decide to keep going. The very fact that I am dependent on the city-busses just to even get out of the city, is sometimes a good thing. Just knowing that I am in no mood to deal with the drama that seems to be prevalent on the buses makes me avoid climbing on one. It is also sometimes good that my arthritis keeps me from loading up my pack, and just hitting the road for destinations unknown. By being semi-bound and not having the freedom to just go, makes me stop and seek alternatives.

Right now, I am listening to an album from 1977 that always puts me in a good-spot. Yes, I called it an album. It is the group “Up With People” and the album is called “Push on Through”. When I was a kid, my family went to see this group many times. I had the actual record album for many years. My sisiter and I would always play it full-blast, and all our worries would be carried away with it.

 I could not locate the album for many many years. Two years ago, when I got my computer, I was able to locate it, and purchased it on I-Tunes. I have it stored on my computer. It is THE ONLY Music I have ever bought, and stored on a computer. I made a copy on a disk for my sister. I gave it to her in her car one day, without any labels, and had her put it in the player. Then I watched her face. It had been at least 20-years since either of us had heard it. (I heard it just before making a copy for her.) As the first tune started to play, I could see the sparkle, and recognition in her eyes. Then, she totally registered what she was listening to. There is no way for me to even begin to describe what this group is, or how they affect me in a positive way. I wish I knew how to add it to my blog, but I cannot locate the info to do so. I tunes does not seem to have an option for it to be shared, except in a home-shared network. I have replayed this album four times already today. It helps a lot!

I managed to locate their official webpage: http://upwithpeople.org/ They have a sampling of some more recent music. It is not the 1977 album, but you can learn more about Up With People there.

(An interesting footnote: last week when Steve Jobs of Apple died, I posted that I respect his brilliance, and all that he has done to change our world, but I did not recall ever having used any of the products he created. I stand corrected… I tunes is an Apple product. I would not have the Up with People Album without Steve Jobs, and Apple. Thank You for this, Steve Jobs!... You have finished the race, and crossed the finish line. Your contributions have helped many people. No doubt, You Probably DO Know… But If you do not, Let me tell you, You may have helped save my life.) While Directly, Steve Jobs did not save my life, nor did this album directly do anything so significant, The impact made is important, and Does make a difference.

Today, after hearing Up With People, I decided to turn my energy toward creative writing. This is one of the main reasons I started Blogging. I need a creative outlet, and seem to have a lot of things on my mind that I need to write. Writing is very positive for me, and I have found that it also helps others, too! While my first intention of writing my feelings, thoughts, concerns, and often twisted humor is not meant to entertain others, I find that it serves a double-duty, without trying to do so.

Have no worries… I am not gonna run away.

I did that once. If I have any choice in the matter, I will not do that again. I merely am feeling the pull, and now know how to recognize it. The biggest battle I have is making sure I DO recognize it, and address it. Many times since that fateful event in 2005, I have found myself seeking that escape. I Know it is not an escape at all, rather it becomes more imprisonment than any kind of true escape. It is the hope, excitement, and possibility that perhaps you could magically go from one life into a perfect new life and leave all your troubles behind that entices me. It is the fantasy that if I were somewhere else, I would suddenly find the perfect place. I dream of finding that place where Peace truly is the thing that motivates others. I dream that if I went somewhere else, I could find that one magical place where there is no racism, no bigotry, no hatred of others, no evil, no dishonesty, and no crime.

I fully expect that when I do discover such a place, I will arrive riding my dragon, and have a pet unicorn, and truly be able to fly without any mechanical means. And the Sun will shine high, and warm all year ‘round. There would be plenty of snow, but it would not be miserable. In that snow, we could run, and play, making perfect naked snow-angels, then go for a swim in the warm-water flowing nearby. In that place, we could be naked without anybody trying to make it a bad thing. We could climb the trees, run through the clovers, watch the perfect sunset, and then watch the stars glowing overhead.

Meanwhile, Fall is closing in fast, and My Dragon has not yet arrived. My Unicorn got stuck in the mud, and my naked snow angel got frost-bite in all the wrong places.

I feel much more positive now than I did when I started to play the Up With People Album. I Hope you have found some joy and a bit of humor in my writings!

If you find yourself with a pet unicorn, may I offer one bit of advice: Never Play LeapFrog with a Unicorn!

And if you have a pet dragon, be careful … you likely could make a tasty snack when properly toasted by a stray fire-sneeze from that dragon.

I Hope You find something to find joy in when you feel the urge to Run Away....

Happy Birthday To My Favorite Sister!

 Happy Birthday to My Favorite Sister!



Jodi and our cat in 1978

Okay, she happens to be MY ONLY Sister...
But she is still my favorite!

I have had the pleasure of having some of the most wonderful people in my life. Some have been life-long friends, some have been only briefly. Every single person who has been important to me has played an important part of my life. Each has had a special purpose, and a special connection. Each has fit into my life in different ways. Each has understood differing aspects of my unique personality. Seldom has any totally understood me. I treasure the bits each person does understand, and where we connect. There is only ONE who has been understanding, and even accepting of who I am completely.

 

Jodi watching Grandpa carve a turkey in 1980

 That one person is My Sister, Jodi. Today is Her Birthday. I can’t tease her too much about getting older, because she will always be younger than me, and when I tease her about her age, it seems I feel the effects of aging even more magnified. I won’t even say how old she is now. (I am 43, and she was born a year-and-a-half after I was…..depending on how you do the math she could be a couple of different ages today.)

It is kinda funny, though. She was (and is) NOT a Morning-person. I am Definitely a Morning-person. We often went places as kids that required us to be up, and traveling before the sun came up. Jodi would manage to always be ready to go, and barely awake… until well-after the sun had come up. Then she was unstoppable. Her and I often were buddies in so many of the activities we did. I ALWAYS Enjoyed the sunrises, and would tell her about how wonderful they were. We connected on many activities in life, but not the sunrise issue. What was always amazing was how we could go skiing, to flea-markets, road-trips, vacations, to the beach, to visit relatives, to amusement parks, and just about ANY activity you could imagine, and I would see such wonderful sunrises. Jodi never saw any. Then one day, as adults, she called me at 7:30 in the morning, and was excitedly telling me about the sunrise she had just seen. She was excited, and wanted to tell me she was up for the sunrise. She was thrilled to be able to finally tell me she saw one! I was thrilled, too, but I knew there had to be a catch! It only took me a second to figure out this phenomenon. For over thirty years, I had not succeeded in getting her to see a sunrise. I asked her if she was in Vegas. She said she WAS In Fact in Vegas. She saw the sunrise, because she had stayed up all night, and just happened to still be up when the sun rose that morning.



Caught us smiling...Again! 1991 in Glide, Oregon

Last week, Jodi was in Vegas again. I currently live in Vegas, and had not seen my sister since before I moved from Oregon in February. I probably had not seen her for many months before I moved. She came to Vegas, and decided to show up at my work to surprise me. It took her three attempts to actually find me, because my schedule is kinda whacky, and she was just winging-it, hoping to catch me by surprise. When she came and found I was not there, she had to make those who she talked-to promise not to tell me she was there. She was playing it the same way I often had when I stopped-in and surprised her. She finally caught up with me, and we got a chance to chat, and visit. Turns out she did not see the sunrise during this visit to Vegas, but She and I shared a good laugh about that one time she did see the sunrise.

Yup! Two Funny Faces... Do you see how people say We Look alike?

The funniest thing I always hear from people who meet my sister for the first time, is “She looks just like you!” (my apologies to you, Jodi). They reference the eyes, smile, and face. It makes me laugh, too. I remember one manager in Medford who had not yet met her. She came up to him and asked where to find me, and his reply to her was “Agh! It’s a Female-Jon!” (again, my apologies to you, Jodi.) There are some I am not happy to be compared to, but my sister is not one of those. I always find it to be a good thing.

When the topic of creativity comes up, she swears I took ALL the creative genes in our family. I think she has just forgotten (old age will do that to a person) all the fun we had doing creative things as kids. We once made play-doh from scratch, and subsequently learned to paint walls because of it. We often made play-doh, and had endless hours with all that we could do with it. We made it different colors, would shape it, and often let it dry in the different shapes. We would make some really thick, and see how tall we could form it. We would make some really runny, and see if we could still work with it as a liquid. There were times we managed to wear more of it than seemed possible, and of course the food-coloring would stain our skin funny colors, and often mom had the "pleasure" of teaching us how to scrub the residue out of our clothes before throwing them in the washer. It was not uncommon to make art, ornaments, or just blobs for others. This one particular day, we made HUGE amounts of it. We had a huge room downstairs with lots of counter-space for spreading-out our messes. For whatever reason, on this day, we decided to throw it against the walls, and see what shapes we could make stick to the walls. We did this with clay of every color, shape and size for endless hours. It was only after we had finished playing that the evidence, and damage of our adventure became obvious. It turns out that the oil in the home-made play-doh soaked into the paint on the walls, and permanently stained the walls. That was when we learned how to scrub, prime, and paint walls. Mom was always eager to teach us, along with making sure we learned from our mistakes.

Mom always encouraged us to play, learn, and even make messes, knowing we would always learn something new every time.



Spring, 1988 on Cannon Beach.
Yup! We went out to play in 100-mile an hour winds!

Jodi and I took swim-lesson, ski-lessons, cooking classes, and assorted craft classes together as tiny little kids. We learned together, and pushed each other’s limits, enjoying the thrills and challenges. We often could be found making wonderful art creations to sell at a card-table on the sidewalk. We were creative, and adventurous in our coming up with fun things in the kitchen. Sometime the messes we created were bigger than the total combined food we were attempting to make. But no matter what life threw at us, we always made the most fun out of it.



Spring, 1989
Jodi and I on Mt Bachelor Summit

Of Course, there were tons of differences, too. But, we always have had a wonderful connection, and shared many of life’s adventures together. I am sure I will share more wonderful stories of growing up with The Most Wonderful Sister ever!



Jodi, 1977

Happy Birthday, Jodi! May you see the sunrise… at least once more… and call to tell me!

For any of you who have not had the pleasure of sharing life with The Most Wonderful Sister, I might be willing to share mine! (of course she may have something else to say about this...)

~=:-)