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One of my first public outings in Portland...
How appropriate! I met Jimmi Hendricks! |
FunPants!
Life is too short to wear boring pants. But I did not learn to embrace fun pants until I was 37. Oh, just to think of all the time I wasted! No worries, I know how to make up for lost fun-pants-adventures!
In 2005, I learned to let go of so many of the things that had kept me from truly enjoying all you can in life. That was when I realized I needed to stop always trying to please everyone else, and learn to find some joy for myself. And, Ya know? I learned I could do both! I found that I could do what I truly enjoyed, and at the same time, most people would embrace, and some would often join in my activities! I found that I could find joy, and those that were really my friends would also enjoy what I did. I learned I could be truly who I am, and stop worrying about “What others might think”.
One of those joys I discovered was the wearing of what I call “Fun Pants”. To me, fun Pants are any pants that are not boring, ordinary, or what you find everyone else wearing. They are comfortable, practical, colorful, and match my personality. Sometimes they are shorts, and sometimes they are long-pants. They often have really fun designs, or wild colors. Occasionally, I even wear some that are just one solid color. Sometimes, they can even be just a pair of jeans, or jean-shorts that are not boring anymore… due to either wear and tear, or modifications by scissors. (Grin!)
For Many years, I had been wearing underwear that qualified as fun, but that was when I was totally into hiding who I was, so nobody ever saw me in my underwear. Don’t worry… when I say I was wearing fun underwear, it was nothing like ladies underwear, of even fetish-stuff. Remember, while I Do have funny quirks, I still like comfort, and am not into any of that sexual stuff. My underwear is simply fun and colorful, and sold in the menswear department… straight off the shelf… Nothing terribly exciting, just not boring. Sorry to disappoint you…ha! Perhaps one day, I shall write about that… Ha! I just thought of something really funny… Ya know, in all my life, there has not ever been a photo of me in my underwear!(actually, there was one time... But I put on red underwear over blue tights and posed as superman... but that photo is no longer anywhere to be found) This strikes me as funny, cuz I do not hide it, nor am I ashamed to be seen in it. But for some reason, it has just never happened. Hmmmm…. Oh well, enough about my underwear. Back to Fun Pants!
Often fun pants fall into the category of tights, leggings, spandex, lycra, etc. I fully understood before ever wearing some myself that most people only accept this type of clothing for sporting, or athletic-type clothing. For some reason people fully accept these pants, or shorts, if it is seen during an athletic event, but seem shocked when one is wearing them in every-day life. I also know that for some reason most people accept these on women, but are shocked to see them on men. I think all of this is nonsense. If someone wants to wear comfortable clothing, they should! I have always enjoyed others I’d seen wearing these, but for all too many reasons, I always was afraid to do the same. Much of this is due to my own wanting to hide, and never have anybody see who I was. I also understood how many who wear these wear them for reasons of showing off, or to attract attention. I do not fit any of the above stereotypes. I am hardly an athlete. I hardly want anybody to ever look at my body, and most certainly never want the attention that comes from those looking at my body, or parts of my body. My body just happens to be the shell I was born with that happens to contain my character, personality, and who I am. What I am, and who I am has nothing to do with what my body is. When I finally discovered that my body is not anything to be ashamed of, or to be hidden, I also learned that even when someone sees my body, in all its imperfectness, they are seeing a creation made by God, and they can accept it, or not look my way. This understanding, and acceptance in my own mind helped me to grow, and thrive in life where I had previously hidden, and wished to remain invisible.
I discovered the joy of fun pants in Virginia. The ones I found that opened my mind to the possibilities was a Zebra-striped pattern I found in a thrift-store. When I put them on, I knew I had found the best pants ever! They were soo comfortable, and the print made me smile. I would cautiously wear these new pants in semi-public places just to see how I was treated. Often, around my apartment complex, or out hiking were very safe places. The funny thing about this, was I had already learned to be nekkid fully in public, and never hid while nekkid, but the testing of wearing these pants was like being seen nekkid for the very first time! I found that not one single person ever seemed to care that the pants were snug, and fit my body very well. I also found that those who reacted at all to the pants were very positive, and often asked where they could get some! The positive reaction to these pants helped boost my own outlook on how others viewed me as a whole person. I Knew they would be acceptable, and welcomed the moment I decided to not put on other pants over them when I stopped at the grocery store after a day of hiking. The store I stopped at was one I shopped at regularly, and I was hardly anonymous. I even went through the checkout line of one of the girls who also worked with me at the Dominos. I was testing my own ability to allow myself to be seen publicly. She acted as if I was not wearing anything different than when I was in my regular pants.
I soon found many wonderful fun pants. It was still winter, so I could wear these all the time, and stay comfortably warm. I found these to be far more practical than long johns. I always wore fun pants under my work pants. The feel, and comfort always made me smile, and kept me warm, too! I found it hard to believe that so many people had not already discovered how practical these were. I scoured the thrift stores, and found many wonderful types. I was getting a collection of electric blues, zebra, and other fun-stripes, and even just some plain-colors. But they all had the same fun. You could not help but smile when ya put these on!
While I would occasionally wear them publicly around town, I found I was still not quite ready to be always seen in them. I was still learning to accept this for myself, and not fully ready to be completely visible to the entire world. Often, I would wear them under torn, or holey jeans. Occasionally I would wear shorts over them. (Which I found to be totally hilarious, since I hated that look, and thought it to be totally ridiculous…) but I was doing exactly that. I finally figured out why… Even though I was never ashamed to be seen nekkid anymore, the thought of wearing “revealing” clothing that seemed to totally “show” every dimple, wrinkle, line, and curve of my body seemed to be something I was not quite ready for. Also, I realized that If I was not ready, the people I was around would not be ready.
As spring, and summer came, I found I was gathering quite a collection of shorts in the same fabric. When it got too warm to wear the long pants-style under my regular pants, I always wore the fun-pants-shorts! It was soo much fun! The comfort, and feel were far more exciting than any underwear could ever be, and just knowing I was wearing them made me smile all day long! When I went out hiking, I always wore the fun-pants shorts. (Well, when I was not nekkid!) I often stopped in town for shopping, or food after hiking, and never covered-up the snug shorts. But for some odd reason, I seldom wore just the long-pants style publicly. The more I thought about this, I realized I was still trying to please other people, based on what they thought, instead of doing what I needed to do. I understood this, but I was still not quite ready to be the one to shatter their image of what a person should or should not wear publicly was. I was still trying to not create any waves. I still had some growing to do…
I always wore the fun pants under my regular pants. From October through March, I would wear the long ones. From April through September, I would wear the short-ones. When around my apartment complex, or especially out hiking, I never covered them up. People in those setting were very open, and relaxed. Often I found quite positive feedback from those I was around in those settings. Other people tended to “sexualize” these type of pants, and that made me uncomfortable. I was harldy interested in attracting any kind of attention in a sexual nature. So I would “Hide”. This “hiding” continued well into the year 2009.
From 2005, until 2009, those who were close to me would often see me in my fun pants. I occasionally would be seen, and even photographed wearing these. I would continue to hike in them, and be seen around my home in them. But I was always cautious about when and where I wore them publicly. In winter, I loved that I could wear them for warmth. Once ya discover tights, leggings, or other pants that actually fit, you will never wear long-johns again. These are so comfortable, practical, and are designed to actually fit the body. Long-Johns are designed to be bulky, bunch-up, are not designed to fit the body, and are never comfortable. When long-johns get wet, they are terribly uncomfortable, get heavy, saggy, and cold. When Fun Pants get wet, they stay warm, you do not feel the wet, they do not sag, they do not bunch, they stay warm and snug. Fun Pants behave just like your skin… just more colorful!
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Tabitha was one of the brave friends who was out with
me when I first srtripped-off the pants covering the
Fun pants! She was never embarrassed to be seen with me! |
In 2009, I finally got to the level of comfort with my own body that I was willing to be seen daily around town in my fun pants. I embraced the fact that I was born with parts that would designate me as male, and that these pants made those parts almost impossible to hide. Women proudly show off the parts they were given, and it is even expected. So, why is it considered wrong that a man does the same? I was finally at a place where I did not worry about the preconceived notions most people had about these pants. I knew that they totally accepted them, and even embraced them when it was an “athlete”, and they would just have to accept me in them as well. For some reason, if a guy wears these in plain colors as an athlete, they are totally acceptable, but because I wear them in fun patterns, and colors, and in normal, everyday life, people look at them differently. Too bad. I also noticed that if they were plain, and had the logo of “UnderArmor” they would be totally acceptable. Why is it that the stuff usually designed, and considered acceptable for men is only in blue, black, grey, or white? Are men color-blind? Are men not allowed to have any fun, or any personality? Do the women want their men to look boring, dull, and drab? Do the women want their men to be dressed in square, block-shaped clothing? Are people really that afraid to acknowledge they have a personality? It is not my fault that most men are afraid to dress in anything fun, colorful, or with sense of personality. That is their loss. I know that loss all too well. I allowed myself to be trapped in that mentality for far too long. I got tired of dressing to please others. I wanna have fun in life! I wanna wear comfortable, fun, and practical clothes!
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Yup! Even in VERY Public places...
And with My Mom, and Nephew, too! :) |
In 2009, I finally allowed myself to be completely worry-free about who, where, and when I would be seen in my fun pants. I was not at all afraid of who I would see, or even if I would be photographed. I went freely all over the place, and was quite surprised at the level of acceptance. I find the irony in this quite funny. At a time when most men are doing all they can to cover every nuance of even having a body, and going to such extremes as wearing extreme baggy, square clothes to give the appearance of being no more than a block-shape with feet, hands, and head. Men have gone to such an extreme, that even when they wear “shorts”, they will only wear something that goes well-below the knees. They have somehow gone to the idea that their pants should not show any sign that they have a shape, legs, or even a butt. They wanna look like a block. When they wear “swimwear” it is baggy, saggy, droopy, long pants. Men have gone to the extreme that they wish to be completely uncomfortable. Women, on the other hand, have gone to the opposite. Women have decided to dress in very fun, and comfortable outfits. It always cracks me up when I see a photo of a man and woman together at the beach, or in a water-environment... Or anywhere in summertime, where shorts, or swimwear are worn. The woman embraces who she is, and wears attire fitting her personality. The men… well, I guess their clothing fits their personality, too! Haha. Women embrace that they have curves, and shape to their body. Women wear colorful, fun, patterned clothes. Men… wanna look plain. Hmmm…. Could it be? Perhaps I really am a woman… stuck in a man’s body?? Haha! Oh how this makes me laugh! If this is the case, then it really is true… I must be a lesbian! ~Grin~
What most people call “short-shorts” on men is anything that is at, or above the knee. When I was at Dominos in Virginia, the first time it was warm enough to wear shorts, everyone freaked-out at what I wore. Dominos has fairly strict dress-codes, and I totally adhered to them. The rule about shorts was that they must be the tan/ khaki-color, and not too revealing. No problem… I found some that were the right color, had pleated front, and had a nine-inch inseam. They were the same that would be appropriate in any business-dress situation. But for some reason, everyone there called them “booty-shorts”. This baffled me, because normal shorts had a six-inch inseam, and I specifically went long, because I knew how they already viewed anything that revealed the knees. They were so worked-up over these, that the manager immediately ordered some of the “official” Dominos ones… complete with logo, and said they would provide shorts for me, instead of having me provide my own. I was worried that their official ones would be baggy, and below the knees making me look like a slob. But when they arrived, I totally laughed, because they only had a six-inch inseam. The manager wanted to see me in them before she approved them… so I changed into them. She said they were just right! I took them off again, laid them on top of the ones I already had, and showed her that they were three-inches shorter than the ones I bought. She argued, and said the Dominos ones were longer… even though she could plainly see the length difference. I was actually thrilled! I got official Dominos shorts… and they were actually Shorts! They were also a bit more snug, than the ones I had bought, and I liked the fit. What was really funny, was the fact that they were so short, my fun-pants-shorts were longer than the actual shorts! But everyone accepted them, so I got three more pairs so I could always have clean shorts for work. I often wondered if she did this for me, knowing how I liked my shorts, and could use this as an excuse to get me “official” logo shorts, and also allow me to wear what I liked. She was wonderful in so many ways, and it would not at all be unlike her to do such a thing. Anyone else she ordered official Dominos shorts for were really long, so it always made me wonder if she did this just for me. I also think that when people there saw my legs for the first time, it kinda shocked them. Just the fact that my legs are longer than most people’s and really skinny does not do well to put people at ease when they first see them bare. Also, they are bare… totally shaved… so that also adds to the shock, I am sure. Then when they really get a look at my bare legs, they notice my legs are not just long, but come up to most people’s chests…. All that on the first time of seeing them can be a shock. Once I had on the official Dominos shorts, they were used to them, and also used to the idea of really long, bare legs. Most people learned they liked them, and stated so regularly.
It was not an instant decision to start wearing the fun pants, or fun shorts openly, when I finally decided to come out of hiding. It was a slow, painful process. It probably would have been easier if I had just done it suddenly. (I find it interesting how coming out of the naked closet was easier than coming out of this closet.) It took cautious, slow, and careful testing to be sure I was ready. I had started a little in Virginia, and got some great encouragement while I was there. Once I was back in Oregon, I was accepted with all the changes that had occurred from when I left, and until I returned. Those I was around regularly were very supportive, and encouraging. Then it took a little going outside my safety-zone… A little at a time. Going someplace with a friend while wearing the fun pants under my jeans, then deciding to remove the jeans, and testing their reaction the first time they saw me in them. It took just being in the middle of the city, and removing my jeans in full-view of anyone who wished to notice…. And waiting for any reactions, or freak-outs. I was always delightfully relieved when nobody even gave a second-glance! Then I would go about the rest of the day without the cover of jeans, and waiting, watching to see if I could handle the reactions. It took boarding a bus, and watching to see if the driver would freak-out, or if I would be allowed to sit next to another person, without them freaking out.
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| The very first time I allowed my photo in Fun Pants to be public |
I remember the very first time I took a photo, and then published it on Facebook. (That was my Famous Cookies Album.) But even then, knowing that everyone on my Facebook was safe, and had already accepted me, I still was worried about reactions… and more so, because I had taken a possibly incriminating photo… and posted it! It all turned out great. Not one bad thing! I learned I can truly be who I am, and those who truly are my friends will still accept me. As I ventured further in my journey through life, I learned that those who were not my friends previously would become my friends, and those who wished to mean would never have been a friend in the first place. I finally became free, and did not hide my fun pants at all in the fall of 2009.
As I have gone through life’s adventures, I was often photographed, and never once shied-away from the camera. Often, complete strangers ask if they can have their photo taken with me. Most of the time people would capture me as a candid… and while I noticed their camera aimed at me, I never acted like I was aware of it… Then I would search to find where they posted that photo, and see what they had to say about it. This became quite a good way to boost my own esteem, and confidence. Here are two of the candids I found: The first one is my absolute favorite! I even got a chance to meet the fellow who captured it. If you click on it, you can see all the fun, positive comments from others who do not know me, yet found the picture to be a wonderful capture of who I am. (Each of these is another person’s photo-stream in Flickr… but they are safe, or I would not suggest you visit them.)
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The First candid I found...
And My Very Favorite!
(Thanks Kurt, Ya captured me well!) |
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| Thanks for the capture, Daniel! |
It is difficult to find real shorts anywhere now. Most shorts manufactured are made with long inseams, and are made baggy. I find it extremely frustrating that I cannot buy real shorts. I occasionally find some at thrift-stores… but even those have a nine-inch inseam as the shortest ones you can find. I occasionally will make my own cut-offs, but more often, I will just wear the “long” shorts that I can find. I do not care for the scraggy look of the cutoffs when I am around town. I DO love the look of them for out hiking, or even just around home, though. I often go out in my fun pants shorts… What I wear as shorts is less than what most men wear as underwear. I find it hilarious how many men have gone to wearing extremely huge shorts and calling them underwear. How can wearing bunchy, baggy, non-fitting clothes under your pants be at all comfortable, practical, or functional? I believe underwear, and pants, or shorts should be practical, fitting, comfortable, and fun, too!
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When I want to enjoy as much sun as I can...
...when I cannot be nekkid....
I will pull the legs up, and the waist down.
(these actually are quite modest compared to many) |
When I am not wearing boring, normal denim shorts, I love to wear the fun pants shorts. I have many wonderful pairs of these in all kinds of fun patterns, and styles. Often, if I am not in a place where nekkid would be acceptible, for some odd reason, I can wear a pair of these, and even tuck the legs up, and the waistline down, so that they are smaller than underwear would be, and these are acceptable. I can wear these in places where I am enjoying the sun, and want as much nekkidness as possible, without actually being nekkid. People are funny like that… if they were underwear, the people would freak-out, but because they are shorts, just minimized, they are completely acceptable… go figure! I have met many wonderful people who actually inquire about these, and also say the same thing… that because they are actual shorts, designed for active-wear, they are acceptable, even though they are more revealing than underwear would be. Women tend to love these, and often stop to chat about them. The funniest part is that only women are happy about these… Men are freaked-out by them… yet if I were riding a bicycle, or wrestling, they would be totally acceptable by men. Sadly, there are men interested… but those men are not interested in the actual pants, or even interested in who I am, but wish to get inside my pants. I find it hilarious that the only time I do not offend men by how I dress is when those men are somehow hoping I would be gay. Likewise, usually the only time any male is interested in me, is when they are gay, and hoping I would be, too. Which always makes me wonder… these men are gay, yet they have terrible gaydar… how is this possible!? (Gaydar, for those who do not know is the abilitly to tell whether or not someone is gay. It is the combining of the words “gay”, and “radar”… meaning the person has the radar capabilities to tell if another person is gay, or not. I am the furthest thing from gay, yet I have excellent gaydar. I have never been wrong…. Because I pay attention to how people behave, and act. I watch how a person looks at another, and how they interact. But the men who find interest in me assume I am gay, and would be interested in them somehow. They have horrible gaydar. They always are surprised, and embarrassed that they thought I was interested in them. Why would they assume I am gay just because I wear pants that are comfortable?? Yes, I already know the answer to that… they see those parts that I was born with, and cannot think, or see anything else about me. They suddenly think that because I do not hide my penis, I must want them to touch it. Too bad they never learned to look into someone’s eyes to understand life, huh?) This, too, was a huge barrier for me to overcome. Just knowing that by wearing fun pants, I would automatically attract gay men, and have to tell them to get a clue was not an easy step to accept. I really wish I could understand the way most people want to make everything sexual. Can they not see how much they are missing in life?? There is so much more to find joy in with the actual human beneath the skin. But they immediately see the exterior, and they are no longer able to think straight.
For some reason, people are not familiar with fun pants, and those who stop to inquire, really wanna know about them... to the point that sometimes it is a bit awkward. But they approach it in a manner that is not creepy, so it is not a bad thing. Even for me, having someone wish to inspect you, or your clothing up close can be slightly weird… but in a good, almost fun, way. There is bad weird and there is good weird. I am all for the good weird… in fact I embrace good weird. Just because it is weird, does not mean I won’t like it, but it is just a new thing to figure out. As long as they are genuinely interested in the clothing, and not just trying to grope me, that is totally acceptable. I have always been open to learning, and allowing others to learn, as long as it is done with genuine motives. I have always been encouraged, and welcomed to do so with others, and I would not treat anybody else any differently. When people approach other people with true intentions, and not deceit, it is amazing how far one can go, and it is still acceptable. Learning, understanding, and knowledge can be a wonderful thing when done in the right spirit, respect, and proper approach. Mutual respect, understanding, and acceptance are the most important things any time somebody wishes to learn about any given subject. This happens regularly with both my shorts, and pants when they are the fun-pants-style. With the pants, it is not as weird, because there is much more area for them to inspect, feel, and admire the fabric, or material, but the shorts make it a bit more… umm, personal. But I have never had anyone do it to attempt to feel what was under the clothing. (HA! …except those few who have never felt or seen a completely shaved person…. While wearing the shorts, it is very obvious that I do not have a stitch of hair anywhere on my body, and often that in itself leads to a completely different level of interest… I find it amazing how many this is a new thing for…But that is a completely different subject, and a post all in itself!) Their interest in the clothing was genuine, and I could tell, or would not have ever let them get close. Perhaps these people will discover a new way to wear clothing because they met me, and I was not ashamed of what I wear.
I usually wear fun pants from October through March. The weather is much warmer in Vegas, so I have not had much opportunity to wear them until this week. Finally, the weather got cold enough that I could wear them! Until this past week, I only found an occasional day when I could wear them. It was still too warm. This week, I finally got to start wearing them daily!
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Yup! These are the fun ones I pulled out to wear
when the weather got cold this week!
And it is fun to know I am wearing these
under my mandatory work costume. :)
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Oh how wonderful it feels to wear them again! When I first got here last February, I was able to wear them daily for about a month. Then it warmed up, and I could only wear them occasionally. Even though I cannot wear them visibly at work, I can still enjoy the fact that I can wear them under my work costume. While others complain about the cold, drafty work areas, I am content, happy, and snug in my fun pants. When I hear others complain they are cold, I mention leggings, and they look at me like I am crazy. (Well, that is no secret… I AM!) But they look like it is a completely crazy idea to wear warm, and even fun pants under their work pants. Fine, stay cold. That is their choice. I am comfortable, happy, warm, and snug. Even in the changing room, I often hear people complaining about how cold they are. Yet, when they see me changing, they look totally freaked-out that I am wearing these… Yet I am warm. What is it about most humans that makes them afraid to dress for their own comfort? And Why do they look at me like I am the freak, when I seem to be the only one who has got it figured out? They are the ones checking out other guys, and looking, then act all freaked out when they see what they are looking at. It is pretty simple… if ya don’t wanna see what others are wearing, don’t make it a point of checking them out while they are changing~Duh!
It bothers me that I am forced to change in a room with people that behave like 13-year old boys in junior high. But that is part of my job. I do not have a choice in the matter. I could choose to dress according to what pleases them, but I still gotta be me! If I always dressed to please them, I would not be living my life. I would be giving up all the growth and understanding I have achieved in life. It’s just too bad, they have never been taught respect for others, and wish to attempt to make others as unhappy as they are in life.
I have found that most who criticize these pants have never worn them, or even know a thing about them. I always ask why they criticize something that is practical, comfortable, fun, functional, and completely useful, even logical? I suggest they try some, before they continue to criticize…. And you would think I suggested they go and jump off a bridge, and attempt to fly! My question is why wouldn’t ya wanna wear something fun, and comfortable?
I will continue to wear my fun pants!
As the years have gone by, I find I have gotten more and more comfortable about who I am. I openly share, and welcome others to get to know me. I stopped worrying about the fact that I was born with parts that hung awkwardly in front of me. People either accept me for who, and what I am, or they do not. That is entirely their choice. I accept others as they are, whether they accept me or not. I absolutely love when people are willing to wear what they want to wear, instead of what everyone else is wearing, or hiding under. I absolutely love when people are comfortable enough to wear the clothes that best fit their own personality. I know that person understands what real courage is. I know that person has been through hell just to be allowed to wear what best suits their life.
Perhaps you will entertain the thought of wearing something fun... Yup, It can be considered a daring step, But you will not regret it!
