"I'll Be Back... What about Mozart?"

“I’ll Be back.” “I’ll Be Mozart”:

(insert Groan here)

Memorable phrases, quips and quotes.

I love wit, humor, puns, and almost anything that when said makes the person hearing it rewind a bit, ponder it, then chuckle. To play with words, and make another smile, groan, laugh, or just walk away shaking their head is an art-form. Some would call it “Punishment”. (Pun intended).

Sometimes, we do not realize the lasting effect some of the silliest little quips may have. Only when we utter the words said by someone in our past, does the real enjoyment set-in. We pick up little things as we go through life, and often do not realize how much they stick, or how much they seem to bring the warmth, love, and humor of someone you miss back into your present life.

Today I got a voicemail from Kathie in Virginia. She called to tell me the legend I left behind in Virginia still lives. We always played with our words while at work (and out of work, too of course!). The one she called to tell me about was one of my fondest, and one that has fallen on deaf ears since landing in Vegas. When leaving the building, she would say, “I’ll be Back.” To which I would reply, “I’ll be Beethoven.” Or we would mix it up, and say “Mozart”. Her current employer in Virginia has the same humor. She called to tell me she was leaving the building, and told her boss, “I’ll be back” and her boss said, “what about ‘Mozart’?” So she said, “Okay, I’ll be Mozart” and went out the door laughing and smiling. Then called me to tell me! This really made me smile, and gave me a good laugh, too!

I feel puns, plays-on-words, and banter are just a normal way to make work a more enjoyable experience. Some of the puns are welcomed in Vegas, but I find more times than not, I have to explain them. If ya gotta explain the pun, it is usually wasted. It seems not everyone was raised in a world where they are taught to look for fun in everyday words, and to see where they can exercise the brain in an otherwise mundane environment. For those who have never been taught the play-on-words way of life, it is difficult to introduce. Fear not, though. For every ten I have to explain, there are one or two that actually stick! (Yes! They are trainable… hehee!)

Often the words we hear from those in our daily lives stick, and when we least expect it, we find ourselves uttering those same words, and it brings us such a warmth, and feeling like they are still by our side. For many reasons, people are in our lives, and are often not as long as we would hope. But those words, and feelings are brought back when we seemingly need to hear them the most.

The ones that often are the best, are ones created by language-barriers, or by those who speak a different native-tongue than we do. These are not meant to make fun of anyone, or any language, but rather to make the barriers more enjoyable, and even bring a smile, rather than frustration. Working in the pizza industry has a few that will always stick with me, and I have even managed to get most of my coworkers in new environments to adapt, and even use the funny ones. For example, there are some languages which have difficulty pronouncing the word “Hawaiian”. When they call on the phone to place an order for a Hawaiian Pizza, they manage to get the word as “Hiya-Wanna”. So, rather than getting frustrated at attempts to teach them the proper pronunciation, we would ourselves adapt, and use the same word they do. So now, Every place I work that has anything “Hawaiian” in the name, it becomes “Hiya-Wanna”. Once I explain the name I call it, other coworkers are eager to join-in.

Also humorous, but could be frustrating if you let it be is how different cultures, languages, and ethnicities either recognize, or do not recognize certain sounds. Sometimes the way the translation comes out acquires a whole-new meaning, and is often humorous, depending on which side of the barrier you are on. Take the ones who do not pronounce “V’s” as a “v-sound”, yet it comes out as a “W-Sound”. A “Vegetable, or Veggie” becomes “A Weggie”. So, when someone calls up, and orders “A Large Weggie”, one cannot help but chuckle, and think they want a “Wedgie”. (in case you do not catch the pun, a “wedgie” as defined by Wikkipedia is: “A wedgie occurs when a person's underwear or other garments are wedged between the buttocks.”) I have received many “weggies”, but the most memorable was from Alan in Virginia. (Those who know Alan will understand).

Sometime we hear jokes , and Always remember the one(s) we heard it from first.

A good (or bad, You decide) example of language differences is “Tenjewberrymuds” I heard from Jenn and Maria:

“Do You Want Some Meel with Your Toes?” Huh? Don’t understand…. Here it is: (well, one version of the funny story):

Room Service - Tenjewberrymuds

The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service at a hotel in Asia. It was recorded and published in the Far East Economic Review:

To get the full effect it should be read aloud. [You will understand what 'tenjewberrymuds' means by the end of the conversation.]

Room Service (RmSv): Morrin. Roon sirbees.

Guest: Sorry, I thought I dialled room-service.

RmSv: Rye...Roon sirbees...morrin! Jewish to oddor sunteen?

Guest: Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs.

RmSv: Ow July den?

Guest: What??

RmSv: Ow July den?...pryed, boyud, poochd?

Guest: Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please.

RmSv: Ow July dee baykem? Crease?

Guest: Crisp will be fine.

RmSv: Hokay. An Sahn toes?

Guest: What?

RmSv: An toes. July Sahn toes?

Guest: I don't think so.

RmSv: No? Judo wan sahn toes??

Guest: I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn toes' means.

RmSv: Toes! toes!... Why jew don juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?

Guest: English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine.

RmSv: We bodder?

Guest: No...just put the bodder on the side.

RmSv: Wad?

Guest: I mean butter... just put it on the side.

RmSv: Copy?

Guest: Excuse me?

RmSv: Copy...tea...meel?

Guest: Yes. Coffee, please, and that's all.

RmSv: One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin we bodder on sigh and copy...rye?

Guest: Whatever you say.

RmSv: Tenjewberrymuds.

Guest: You're very welcome.

(Special thank to Will and Guys Clean Funny Jokes:

http://www.guy-sports.com/index.htm  )



I have been fortunate to have been around many people in my youth that taught (some would say brainwashed) me to use puns, play-on-words, and twisted humor to make it through some of life’s daily struggles.

Kathie was not the only one in Virginia, but she managed to make some of THE BEST Memories! We both managed to test one another on the limits of how much our brains could go different directions under the stress of a busy, crazy, chaotic workplace. I often would ask if there was anything she needed, or wanted while I was out. One of her standard replies was “A Million Dollars On An Ice Cream Cone.” Now, put yourself in my position, and think about how you could actually do that for someone you love. It took me a little over a year to come up with a solution on that request, but I finally gave it to her one Christmas! I will write a completely separate blog on that one…some day. Meanwhile, you will have to dig deep into your twisted thoughts to see if you can come up with how I managed to pull that one off.

Using Math and Science to Back a Trailer

Learning to Back a Trailer:

(Or applying basic math, and science together)

I had many fun and unique jobs as a teenager. My employers were equally fun, and unique. They enjoyed my eagerness to tackle and learn new challenges.

One of these employers was the owner of many apartment complexes in southern Oregon. I met Greg when I was 16 and had just moved into one of his units with my Dad.

Almost immediately, Greg offered me an after school job. At first my job was mostly yard work, and landscape maintenance around the apartment complex I lived in. It did not take long for my employment to expand to quite a broad-spectrum around many of his complexes. I was soon doing the landscape maintenance for three of his Medford apartment complexes. I also started doing much of the interior apartment maintenance, too. I did not have a vehicle, so it was not uncommon to see me shuttling needed equipment precariously balanced on my bike. Sometimes I would rig-up a make-shift trailer behind my bike to shuttle the needed tools and supplies. Occasionally, but not often, he would let me drive his pickup with the supplies. Once in a rare while, he would drive me to another complex to do some work. But mostly, he expected me to figure out how to get it done by myself. I enjoyed the job, the challenge, and all the variety.

Driving, and fully knowing how to operate any vehicle has never been a challenge to me. Every time I was presented with a different type of vehicle, I took it as a personal challenge to understand, and be able to operate the vehicle with precision. I made it a personal goal to Always know where every inch of the vehicle was, and to know exactly where my view was in the mirrors. To me, operating a vehicle in a safe, and aware manner was a requirement, not an option. It seemed, there was nothing that could challenge me in operating a vehicle. This was my own personal challenge to myself… To not let a vehicle intimidate me.


Nothing about Operating a Vehicle was a Challenge for Me….
Until One Day….
….That was the day I had to learn to back-up a trailer.


Until this day, I had never driven anything with a trailer. I had never pulled a trailer forward behind a vehicle, let alone do it backwards! Most people are taught to drive a trailer in an open area, with plenty of room for mistakes, and lots of place to correct those mistakes. But on this particular day, I had to learn to back a trailer, with only a couple of feet on either side, and no place for mistakes. I had to learn backwards, before I could even attempt to learn forwards.


On this particular day, Greg told me We were going to one of his complexes in Ashland, Oregon… ten miles away from where we were. He and I loaded his truck and trailer with all the needed supplies, and we drove to Ashland. On the way, he explained what he hoped We would accomplish today. The major project was trimming every bush, shrub, and many of the trees in the complex. This was the reason for bringing along the trailer. All the trimmings would go into the trailer to be hauled away. There were also assorted minor repairs to be done inside many of the units.


As we went up the hill, he pointed out the complex on the side of the hill. Everything in Ashland was built on the side of a hill. This complex was situated both across the hill, and also angled downhill. As we pulled into the complex, the driveway, and parking went down a steep hill. The driveway was the highest point in the complex. The parking lot consisted of one main drive flanked on both sides by perpendicular parking spots. The drive dead-ended at the bottom of the complex, and the bottom of the hill. He pulled the truck and trailer all the way to the dead-end at the bottom, and parked it there. The truck was nosed against the curb, and the trailer was behind it. There were cars in parking spots on both sides, so it was tight. About half-way up the drive, was a side-“road”. This was a path for the garbage truck to access the dumpsters.

Here is photo of the complex. (It is a photo of the Google map, because I could not get the map to copy here.) But you can see the layout of the parking area. At the bottom of the picture is the street, and driveway, which was the top of the hill. The top of the picture is the bottom of the hill, and where the truck was nosed-in. On the left, you can see the little path to the dumpsters. While this picture shows many empty parking spots, on that day, they were almost all full.

Greg walked me around the complex, and made sure I understood the day’s work, then asked if I thought it could all be done in a day. Of course, I said “No Problem!” He Grinned, and said, “Good, my wife is here, and I am going to go spend the day with her. Bring the truck and trailer back to Medford when you are finished.” I told him I had never driven a trailer, and I would need it turned around before he left. He grinned again, and said, “Looks like a good time for you to learn. From what I’ve seen of your abilities, you will figure it out. Have a fun day! See you tonight when you return!” And off he went. I was little surprised, but also knew he had faith in my abilities… perhaps more than I did.

I surveyed the area, and decided there were too many cars to attempt to turn the trailer around right now. I figured I would get some work done, and watch for cars to leave, and then I could learn to back the trailer. I also was hoping someone would come along that could help me. As I did the work, and filled the trailer, I noticed no cars were leaving. A few did, but not many. Turns out this is a retirement complex. People were not leaving for work, or needing to go anywhere.


I finished-up all the work, and loaded the tools and supplies into the truck. The time had come to figure out the trailer. More appropriately, the time had come to put into action what I already knew about backing a trailer. While working, I put my brain into gear to recall everything I had read, and heard about trailers. It all boiled-down to applying simple math, and science. The properties of Math, and Science combined are what makes almost anything we do in life possible. Learning math and science was always fun, because it was shown to be relevant, and even practical. Learning about angles, levers, and force makes doing things in life so much easier.

Applying those properties is a little more complex, than just understanding them. A Trailer is simply a triangle, with the two wheels, and the hitch as all three points. The simple angles are the lines between either wheel, and the hitch. The simple angles are also the same lines. The simple force is the amount of push applied to the hitch from the truck. The simple levers are the angle(s) at which you turn the truck against the hitch. That is where the simplicity ends, and the complexity begins. It becomes complex with the angles actually extending not just to the wheels, but also to the far corners of the trailer. The force becomes complex, depending on the angle of the Lever. The angle of the truck against the hitch is actually going to move the trailer in an opposite direction, and also magnify that direction in a rather fast process. The truck turns from the front, which pushes the hitch in one direction, and the trailer pivots the opposite direction. Meaning, if you push at the point of the hitch with a slight angle, the tail-end of the trailer will go a broad-angle in the opposite direction. (Imagine pushing a triangle-shaped block across a flat surface with just a point of a pencil on the point. It does not go where you intend it to very easily. It tends to go at sharp angles, and is not easy to maintain in a straight line.)


Also add the fact that gravity is pushing against the hitch in the opposite way the truck is pushing the trailer, and it will quickly get the trailer to jack-knife. In a tight spot, there is not much room for a trailer, or a truck to go at sharp angles. I was cautiously testing the movements, and seeing which angles, and which amount of force caused which reactions on the trailer. I tried first with the mirrors, then just looking out the back window. I learned quickly that being able to get a trailer to go where you want is a matter of telling your brain to forget about how you would steer a vehicle in any other situation. Now you had to tell the brain to steer in two-directions simultaneously. You steer the truck opposite of how you want the trailer to go, but at very slight degrees. Only turn the wheel a little bit, and see how the trailer reacts, then adjust accordingly, never making any broad turns of the wheel . I also needed to watch every edge of the trailer, because of all the cars nearby. Although looking over my shoulder to back the trailer was easier to think about which way to turn, and how much, it was not very safe. I had to use the mirrors to be sure I kept the trailer away from the cars. This added a third brain-reversal. Now, not only was I having to think double-backwards, but the mirrors make everything backwards to a third-factor. But I was getting the hang of it.


Applying math and science has never been a problem for me. Learning to do it with finesse, and to a degree of keeping it functional, and even smooth is another story. I was determined to get half-way up the driveway, so I could use the little path to the dumpsters as a turn-around place. It took me a good hour, just to get half-way up the drive way. But I was Thrilled! I had gotten the hang of backing a trailer! I attempted to back the trailer into that little path, but I did not have enough room to do that. I straightened it back out, and backed up beyond the path. Then I nosed the truck into the path facing forward. This gave me enough room to angle the trailer slightly, so I could back it down the hill, and turn the corner. I learned real fast that backing a trailer downhill is much easier than uphill. I now had the truck and trailer both facing up the hill, and toward the street! Yippee! Success!


Now All I had to do, was drive the truck and trailer back to Medford. Now was the time to program my brain for how a trailer responds in a forward-motion. Pulling a trailer is much simpler than backing one. But there are still factors to keep in mind. The way a trailer tracks behind a vehicle, especially when turning is something that cannot be ignored. The trailer’s wheels do not turn in the same path as the truck’s wheel do. They follow the truck, but the arc of the turn is not as wide, so you have to account for that while making turns. Another factor is the amount of tail-swing a trailer has. The wheels are not at the back-edge of the trailer, so every turn you make, the tail of the trailer swings out in the opposite direction.


When I pulled into the complex in Medford, Greg was there. He was in the office, and looked-out with a huge smile. He came out and said, “See? I Knew you could do it!” After chatting a bit he asked if I would go park the trailer, and unload the truck. I was happy to go do this, and show him I had gotten the hang of it.


While I was not thrilled at the beginning of how this came about, I was quite pleased afterwards. Greg pushed me to a new level that day. He knew my abilities, and often pushed me to achieve them. He knew I would figure it out, and I would not give-up. He knew I would approach it in a safe, practical manner. He knew I would thrive on it. He taught me a valuable life-skill (actually many!) that day. Ever since that day, many situations have come up where I needed to back a trailer. Often when the occasion occurred, the situation was tight, and nobody else would feel comfortable in tackling it. I always stood back, and allowed the others the chance to tackle it first, and would only take control if there was no other option. Most people would assume I did not feel comfortable with trailers, because I would not step-up first. After the trailer-task was completed, I always heard the same thing from others. “How did you learn to do that?” It was simply a matter of I never like to draw attention to myself in that manner, but would do what was needed to get a job done.


Not only did Greg teach me many things, he also paid me to learn! There were many more learning adventures in the many years I worked for him. He was always eager to teach, and patient to have me learn. Using the same technique, he also taught me to operate many kinds of trucks, tractors, backhoes, bobcats, trenching machines, and other random equipment. I thrived on applying the basics learned in school to the real-world applications. I always approached each new piece of equipment in a scientific, and mathematical way. This way, I was sure I understood not only what I was doing, but why the equipment functioned in the way it did, and how to make it operate smoothly with finesse and accuracy.

Thanks For Reading My Blog! I hope you can have a greater understanding of Math and Science,…and Trailers, Too! Have a Wonderful, and Safe Day! Jon ~=:-)

Why Do Men Pee Standing up? :)

Why Men Pee Standing Up:

(A Humorous, yet seldom published story of the difference between Man and Woman)

When God was creating all that is good and wonderful, He took a day of rest. Adam and Eve were getting comfortable, and learning all about The Garden of Eden. After a few days, he gathered them for a meeting to discuss what they were learning, and to see if they had any complaints. Among other complaints, Adam complained that it was a bother to have to squat to go pee. God told them he had a solution. He had two more items to be utilized, but had not given them out yet. He explained that one would be for the woman, and one would be for the man. He would present, and explain the purposes for each, and let Adam and Eve discuss it between themselves to determine which would be for man, and which would be for woman. God wanted them to really discuss all the possibilities, and come to a mutual agreement as to why each should have the one they would get. This decision would be final, and could never be changed.

Both Adam and Eve were excited about this, and wanted to know what the two individual items were. God started to explain about the two items, and again to stress how important it would be to discuss the items, and all that came with them, before making a decision. Adam was really excited, and impatient, and kept urging God to hurry up and tell them what these items were. As God started to explain the two items, he began with an item that would be called a ‘Penis’. He began to list what this would be for, and the purposes of it. Adam, in all his eagerness was not paying much attention, and as soon as God mentioned that it “would allow whoever had it to pee standing-up”, Adam did not hear another word. Adam immediately started jumping up and down, and insisting he wanted that one. He was really excited! God, and Eve both tried to calm him down, so God could tell what the second item was, and they could learn, discuss, and make an informed decision. Adam would not listen to anything else. He Wanted the thing that would allow him to pee standing-up, and would not settle-down, until he got that. After trying unsuccessfully, Eve Finally turned to God, and said “Go ahead and give that to him. We will not know peace until he gets that.” So God Gave the penis to Man.

Adam was so excited to be able to pee standing-up! He pee’d on everything he possibly could, all over the entire garden. He danced, he pee’d, he sang about being able to do this while standing up. He ran all over the place, so excited about this new-found joy! He was the happiest, and could not imagine a better thing to have. This went on for many days. He could not pee constantly, so he used it as a play-thing. Adam was totally excited, and nothing else mattered. It was all he talked about. He found that this new found thing could entertain him endlessly, and he could do so much with it. All the animals, and even Eve were getting tired of his excitement, and learning how he could use this thing. They tried to stay away from him, but There was no place in The entire Garden where he did not use his new-found toy. He did not care what anybody or anything else thought. He had a penis! Life could not get any better.



After many weeks of this, with a sigh, Eve finally asked God, “By the way… what was the other thing we were supposed to discuss?” God Smiled, and said “The other item is called ‘A Brain’, and it seems Adam will not part with the Penis, so Woman shall have The Brain.



Now you know why man can pee standing up.

I Hope You Have a Wonderful Day! Thank you for Reading My Blog! Jon~=:-)