A Love-Hate Relationship...

I Have a Love-Hate Relationship with Computers...

and actually anything Electronic!

Don't most people perch 40-feet above the river,
on an abandoned wharf,
with only ten-inches of board to sit-on,
while using their laptops? :)

Nothing electronic works the same for me as it does for most humans. Kinda like how my own wiring is different from other humans. When I use a computer, I manage to somehow create some sort of unfathomable ways it will not work properly. Or, it will only function for me, and nobody else. I have always reluctantly used other’s computers, or anything electronic because of this effect. When vehicles started using computers, the errors that arose in my own vehicles always baffled every mechanic. It seemed every time I had to take a vehicle in for repairs, I was having to get a new computer for it. Some were under the vehicle’s warranty, but most were not. Every time, the defunct computer was sent to the manufacturer for analysis. The report always came back the same: unexplainable, impossible, and errors which could not be identified, or repaired.

Much like how no human, or doctor has ever been able to grasp how my wiring works, the same is true with everything I use that is electronic. I have tried and tried to explain this to those who wish to attempt to understand. I always am excited when someone takes enough interest in me to attempt to understand me. Unfortunately, there is no language, are no words, diagrams, or even anything that can be used to illustrate what happens inside my mind, my spirit, and my energy. Most give up and stop trying. Some try to go about it as a challenge, and feel like they cannot be around me unless they can get a grasp of this mystery. Those people get frustrated, and angry. A Few… a very rare few, just learn to accept it, and thus accept me. One can only understand me if they do not attempt to compare me to anything else they have ever seen, felt, or experienced. This is exactly the same with anything I use that is electronic. The people with the technical training, or even just the technical-know-how without any training, attempt to understand what happens to my electronics from a technical viewpoint. They will never find a solution, and always have to replace the item. There are other paths they can take to find a solution, but they can only look at the problem in a way which they compare it to other things they have seen, or experienced.

It also frustrates me when people attempt to teach another, or train another how to do something with the approach that there is only one possible path. In Junior High, and High School, I took many computer programming classes. I understood much of the teachings, but they did not work for me. I would study everything that was available, and look for the ways these computers would react, or how they would function based on these “rules”. While they worked for most of the people, they did not for me. The teachers would look over every single step I did, even watch me enter every command, and would be baffled that it would work for every other in the class, but not me. They would say it must be the machine acting-up. I knew it was only partly that. I knew that when I used electronics, I needed to approach it differently. This made me learn more about how they worked, and the functions the programming was supposed to make happen. I finally got to the point that I Never entered a program the way we were supposed to. I had to go about a completely different method of getting the same final result. I passed every exam, and got every program to function, but the teachers attempted to fail me because my programming did not match what the books said they should look like. Again, the teachers were adamant that the program I had entered was not possible, yet they could see for themselves that the end result was in fact the correct one. It was always a fight to prove I had not only passed the class, but had gone to higher levels of understanding, and done more research than those who simply copied, and repeated what they were taught to do just like the books showed.

I learned that I could indeed work well with electronics, but that I would have to work ten times as hard as anyone else to make them function properly. Being different is not acceptable in an electronic world. To be accepted in any electronic workplace, one must be an exact duplicate of the others you work with. There was no place for anyone who did it differently, and took a different path to achieve the same end result. Once I began my career at PayLess Drug, I quickly learned the quirks of the computerized cash registers. This was back in 1986. When a problem occurred on one register, it affected the entire store’s system. They were all linked on a looped network. A store without functioning cash registers is a nightmare. A couple of times, I would watch as the tech people hurried around frantically trying to restore the problem. It always was a mess, and the management, and customers were always pissed-off at the down-time. It baffled me that nobody would bypass the machine creating the error, and fix it as a stand-alone machine, then once you solved the problem you could re-enter it into the loop. They always attempted to fix the machine that was acting-up while it was affecting all the others. I would talk to the tech guys, and see how their thoughts worked about the problems. I suggested isolating the problem, then fixing it as a stand-alone, allowing all the others to still function. They looked at me like I was an idiot, because they had not been taught this method, and they had to do what they were taught. After a few months of watching this, I took a gamble. For some reason, we could not get a tech guy to come to the floor one day. The manager was also out of the building. I’d been watching long enough, so I took it upon myself to fix the problem. It took a total of two minutes, instead of ten, or fifteen. When the tech guy finally showed up, the problem was already solved. When the manager returned, I was called into a conference with the tech guy, and the manager. They were pissed, but also thankful for keeping the computers running. I explained my logic, and stood my ground. They finally decided I had done right, but were baffled, because the method I used was not something that was supposed to work. After many discussions, and bringing in the head of the tech department, it was decided that the next time this occurred, I would show the tech guy exactly how I accomplished this.

When the day came, the tech guy came and got me before he did anything else. He watched me intently, and I did what I knew would work. It worked without any problem. He was completely baffled, because that should not have worked according to his studies. He called the head tech again, and we had more meetings. It was determined that I “Had just gotten lucky” because it was impossible. This went on for a while, and finally they decided that I was doing something right, because I could get the system up and running again in minutes every time. But, the same thing did not work when the tech guy attempted it. I tried to explain how my energy works differently than any other human. I figured out how to even duplicate the problem, so I could show them it was not just a fluke. They used this to finally get to the root of the problems. But of course more computer problems would come up. I attempted to teach the tech people my thought-processes, but it was impossible.  The way they were taught did not work.  My way worked, but could not be duplicated. They finally decided to send me to their computer tech training, and would put me on as a tech guy. I declined, because I already knew how it would turn out.  In the twelve-and-a-half years I worked for them, I kept fixing the computer problems, and baffling the tech people. I understood why it worked for me, but there was no Earthly way to explain it to another. After I no longer worked for them, I only used computers for brief periods in work places.

As electronics evolved at a rapid rate, I completely lost touch with what the programs were doing. It did not take long before I was completely baffled by anything electronic. (enter old-geezer jokes here) I fought the use of the internet, and personal-computers for myself for years and years. This did not help in my lack of understanding them. I viewed computers as a tool used for work, not to be used in my leisure time. Keep in my mind, my own desire to always be outdoors, and be in nature. Nothing about a computer seemed to fit into my mind about how these could go together.

This view was changed a tiny little bit in 2005, when I ended up in Virginia. It seemed that everything I needed to do, had to be done online. The internet had taken over. Also, I had somehow managed to get to a point where I absolutely hated the phone. The internet was a surprisingly comfortable way for me to interact with others I had left behind in Oregon. It fit well with where my mind was willing to allow others to be in my life. It seemed that when I ran away, I literally let-go of many of the ideals I had clung to. The computer was a mystery to me. I went to every place that allowed personal use of the provided computers, and slowly taught myself how to navigate, and understand them.  I only asked a couple of times for help, because what others would show me, would not work for me. And when they would look at what I was doing they swore it was not possible. In the two years I was in Virginia, I got pretty comfortable with how to navigate them. But, for whatever reason, every single one of these computers needed to be rebooted once I was done, or they would not function for the next person. Nobody ever got upset about this. It baffled the people who offered these public computers, but they accepted it, and were always happy to allow me to use them. These were coffee shops, libraries, and random community/ public buildings.

Once I was back in Oregon again in 2007, I was fortunate to have Aly in my life. She is, by far, the most patient, kind, and understanding person I have known. She allowed me to use her personal computer, knowing full-well the affect I have on them. She eagerly (and patiently, too!) taught me many things about the nuances I did not understand. She would watch as what normally worked for others did not for me, and would help me find solutions. She is the only person I have ever known who actually understood a bit about my wiring, and was willing to work with it, instead of against it. At this same time, I started using Myspace. It did not take long before I had graduated up to Facebook. Then I discovered the world of online photos! I had finally found a way to share my life’s journey with others, when it was otherwise impossible to meet-up, and share the photos in person. That was when I discovered that I could get regular photos from film put on a disk, and then load them into a computer. (I make it sound easy, but even that did not work for me the way it simply does for anyone else.) I figured out how to make it work. In 2008, I started using Flickr for photos.

Before I had gone to Virginia in 2005, I had hardly used a personal computer. Everyone in my family, and all my friends were convinced I would be the very last human on Earth to adapt. By 2009, it seemed, I was the one who used them the most! In October 2009, I made the leap to actually buy my very own computer. I also bought a digital camera. I did a ton of research, and knew exactly what I needed. I went to Best Buy, and told them what I needed. After a little more research, and making sure I had the money, I returned to buy the computer. They kinda did not believe me. They tried to convince me to get the cheap, simple, and basic computer. Since this was my very first, they really were convinced I should not start with a “fancy” one.

It was not exactly “fancy” I was after, but more of an All-inclusive, needs no additions, already loaded-with everything I would need computer. I told them what I needed. It needed to be a laptop. It needed to be wireless, without anything having to be plugged-in to get a signal...and get that signal without interruption in my cement basement. It needed to get that signal without interruption as I rode the bus all the way across town. And that signal needed to be secure. It needed to be able to read photo-memory cards, disks, and even burn disks. It needed to have at least a two-hour battery. It needed a good, sturdy mouse, without a roller ball.  It needed to play music with decent built-in speakers. It needed enough memory that twenty-thousand photos would not even begin to slow it down. It needed a sturdy, full-size keyboard, so my big fingers could type really fast without hitting all the wrong keys. And it needed to have Windows 7, Not Vista. It needed the best security available, because I would not tolerate viruses. I needed a computer that was 100 percent ready to go the very moment I picked it up from the store, because the second I put my hands on it, it would not accept any more add-ons. It would be as complete at that moment as would be possible. I knew what happens when I touch electronics. From the moment I acquired it, I knew it would never again function in a manner any computer programmer could understand.

Needless to say, I got a lot of the Geeks a tad baffled. I ended-up with five different sales people trying to figure out what I needed. They all insisted there was not such a computer, and I would have to have one specially built. At that moment, the “shy” sales girl who had originally talked to me the first time I went in came on duty. She recognized me, and greeted me by name. We talked a bit, and she looked as though she totally understood my needs. The five Geeks were baffled. She assured them she could take care of this, so they left. She, in fact, Did know exactly what I needed! She went to the computer, and looked up some info. In a few minutes, she turned the screen to face me, and asked what I thought. She had Every single detail I had discussed listed in the features column. The picture showed a beautiful Computer that looked like what I described. I asked how much, and she grinned, knowing I would love the answer. The computer was perfect! I said I’d take it. She said I had to wait two more weeks. It was not being released by HP until the end of October. It also would be built with the windows 7 as an original feature, instead of anything that was released prior to that would have Vista, and then need to be converted. She had done her homework since the first time I talked to her, and had found a model which was not yet available, but knew it was perfect for me. None of the other Geeks were even aware it existed. This was a brand-new computer that HP was launching in a connection with Windows 7. It was built with Windows 7 as an operating system, not as an add-on. So I ordered it, and also ordered it complete with the Kaspersky Security, Word, and also got the full Two-year protection coverage. I also ordered the full restore discs, even though I knew the moment I touched the computer, it would never allow those discs to load. (The restore discs were part of the full-coverage, and as long as I had them, any repairs, or replacements in two-years would be fully covered.)

I got this computer exactly two years ago. And One week before the warranty expired, It went in for repairs. I could only smile, when the Geeks could not identify the errors it was having. According to both The Geeks, And HP, the errors that were occurring were not possible, and did not exist. It was sent to HP for diagnosis, along with the restore discs. HP was baffled. Even after replacing the Hard-drive, and attempting to load the restore discs, it would fail on the final step. They called to explain this to me. I could only laugh. They did not see the humor, nor understand that this is exactly what I had explained two years ago would happen.  I ended up with a completely new computer, totally free! It makes me very happy that the problems occurred with one week left on the warranty. Usually this sort of thing happens the day after it expires. I could not buy an additional warranty to cover this computer, since it was literally free to replace the last one at the end of the warranty.

I will plan to be prepared to buy another one when this one acts-up, because I already know It will not be able to be repaired. It is electronic, and it is mine. Already, after just one day of it being in my hands, I know it has changed its molecular, and cellular structure. It is doomed. ~=:-)