“If You Just Take It Off, It Would Be Easier.”
That was what I told my best friend, and roommate, Cara on that sunny afternoon in 2005.
I had gotten in the habit of lying in the sun naked in the early afternoon. I worked at 4 in the evening, and there was seldom anybody home, mid-day at our house. Or, when they were home, they seldom went out back, or looked out the windows.
This portion of the yard was mostly secluded, but was open to view if any of the neighbors happened to come around that side of the house. It was also visible from any window in the house. Not exactly a hiding place, but I had stopped hiding a little over a year ago. The sunshine and lush green lawn were a perfect place to get a little sunshine, and a nap before showering, and heading to work for the evening. It was no secret that I was often out there naked.
On this particular day, Cara and her (almost) two-year old daughter, Sammy were enjoying the back yard sunshine. I often tried to get others to enjoy the yard, but they did not go out there much. I often believed they purposely avoided anyplace they might see me naked. Sammy was playing in her little pool, and Cara was sitting in a patio chair attempting to get some sun, while watching Sammy. I came outside for my time in the sun, and was happy, yet surprised to see them out here, too. The strange thing was I usually just went out naked, but for whatever reason, I was wearing shorts this time. I went ahead and lay down on my towel, still wearing shorts.
Cara had chosen to wear an elastic-waisted skirt, and nothing else. She pulled the elastic-waist up over her boobs, and wore it kinda like a summer tube-top dress. She had her boobs, and lap covered. She kept fiddling with it to adjust how much skin she could expose to the sun, without exposing herself. It was actually quite comical the contortions she kept trying. She would pull down the top portion a bit exposing some of her boobs to the sun, but not all the way. She would push the bottom hem up a little higher on her thighs, but not expose herself. The elastic was not being very cooperative, and the breeze would blow the bottom hem. She was not exactly able to relax while doing this.
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A Funny look at how we go to endless,
Often silly efforts to keep our barriers in place.
Even with those we trust.
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Likewise, I was on my towel pretty much doing the same thing with my shorts. Adjust a little down on the waistline, and pull the legs up a bit. In the past year, I had gotten used to sunning without anything on. I had no tan lines. The shorts really bugged me, and I could not get them comfortable. So here was Cara Fiddling with here coverage, and here I was doing the same thing. We were laughing at each other. Sammy was playing happily in the pool.
I told Cara, “If You Just Take It Off, It Would Be Easier.” She Was heading in with Sammy to get some juice. As she went in the door, she looked over shoulder with a huge grin, and said to me, “If You Just Take It Off, It Would Be Easier.” Then she paused, looked at me again, and with her most playful, challenging grin ever, she said, “I don’t see you out here naked.” And Proud of her retort, and challenge at the same time, turned and went inside to get the juice.
Sounds like an easy answer, right?
Our History:
For almost ten years prior to this, Cara and I have been best of friends. We really were very comfortable with each other, and had seen each other at various times in various stages of dress, undress, and everything in between. We had each been through a lot of life, and shared much of our lives together. We could talk about anything, and trust in the other. We had a comfort, a closeness, and a love that would span any topic we felt we wanted to discuss, or any situation that may cross our paths.
We never dated, nor did we ever have sex. We had an agreement that if neither of us was in a relationship, we would snuggle, and share a bed. We both found this wonderful. We were very comfortable. We both knew plenty about how the other was shaped, and what every part of their body felt like. That was no big deal to either of us. For whatever reasons we each had, neither of us would ever be seen naked by another if we could help it. These beliefs went way back for each of us. Or, if one happened to see the other, we were always polite, turned away, and did not linger when that occurred. We each had our own self-imposed prisons, walls, barriers, and blockades that kept us from either being seen, or seeing the other naked. We each knew how the other felt, and would do what we had to for their protection, and even our own. We each often saw others naked, and we each claimed seeing someone naked was no big deal. But still, we had our own personal barriers.
A little over a year before this, I finally decided to “Come Out of the Closet”, so to speak. No, I was not coming out of the gay closet. I was coming out of THE NAKED CLOSET. (Why should gay people be the only ones to get to use such a fun phrase?) I knew a happy freedom naked as a child, until that was abruptly taken away at age twelve.
(See blog post:
http://enterwithanopenmindorclosedeyes.blogspot.com/2011/09/joys-of-naked-as-child-then-lost.html )
After 24-years of living a Secret Naked Lifestyle, I finally got the courage to Come Out Of The Naked Closet.
(See Blog post:
http://enterwithanopenmindorclosedeyes.blogspot.com/2011/08/wearin-only-purple-toenail-polish-and.html )
For some, getting “caught” and seen by hundreds of passing tourists on a boat could have devastating effects. For me, it showed me I could be accepted, and even welcomed while naked. It was time for people to realize who I really was, and time to stop hiding. They would either accept me, or they would not. This was a huge part of who I am, and That was what I needed to do.
I knew I had to approach this cautiously. It was easy to be seen, and accepted by those who do not know you, and will likely never see you again. It is easy to pretend there are no extreme barriers, walls, and blockades with those you do not know. Those who know you also know your barriers, and what is not acceptable. Likewise, you know their barriers, and know what is not acceptable to them. So, Imagine how difficult it is after a lifetime of each of you making sure you never saw one another naked, to suddenly try to say it is NOW OK. You both have these hard-programmed barriers in place that you will each do whatever is needed to protect. Most of the time, it is not even a choice, or a thought. It is just how we have programmed ourselves with our friends. Friends agree (often unspoken) to never purposely do something that would harm the other.
That first time publicly naked for me was in mid- 2004. It would take almost a full year to get comfortable being seen by anyone who knew me. I cautiously approached the subject with those in my life. I would dangle a bit of bait, and see how they responded. Many times I would mention where I had gone, and how I enjoyed the sun. Sometimes the comment about my watch being the only constant tan line was a good way to open it up. Most people would not care to know any details. I was open about it, but Never Blunt. Often I would bring up the subject and see what the reaction was.
Changing Clothes, and Sharing Bathrooms did not seem to count. People always share bathrooms. Nobody looks, and nobody seems to care. Often people needed to change clothes around others. Nobody looked, nor did they seem to care. Whether a roommate, a house guest, traveling with others, or whatever the reason, nobody seemed to have a problem with those they trust coming into the bathroom, or walking-in while changing. I never really understood this, but accepted it.
At the time I decided to stop hiding my naked lifestyle, I was living with Jodee, and her wonderful family in the Hills of Hockinson, Washington. It was a very full house, and the room I was supposed to use was suddenly needed by a pregnant neice who was coming up from California. I had no problem allowing her to have the room, and I took the living room. Sleeping in the living room left very little privacy. I often slept naked, but did not advertise it. Also, the main bathroom was needed by many people, and was off one of the bedrooms. Nobody ever made a big deal out of what they did or did not see. We all were respectful of each other. Some of the time, I put shorts on when I got up during the night, but most nights I did not. I often went outside and watched the stars while naked, never even taking anything with me for cover. It was not uncommon for someone else to also be up, but we pretty much allowed each other to have their own space, and would not see what they were up to, or what they were wearing. Once the weather warmed up, I set up a tent out in the yard. That was about the same time I started to fully come out of the naked closet.
I found living in the country was a perfect place to experiment with being openly naked again! I always slept naked, and would often spend time in the surrounding yard naked. The horses never seemed to mind. The closest neighbor was far enough away, that unless I suddenly had a spotlight aimed at me, I was not easily visible. I had set-up my hammock between the trees, and would often read in the late afternoon, or evening while naked. I kept my shorts nearby, just in case someone happened to not want to see me, should they stumble upon me. From the time I moved into the tent, I seldom put on any clothes when I would go inside to use the bathroom or in the morning when I would go in to shower. I Only put on clothes when it was evening, and others were still up. When I went in to shower, I was always first up, and first into the bathroom. The door to the bedroom was always open, and often Jodee would tell me “good morning” from her bed. After I was done showering, I would open her door again. By this time she was always up, and drinking coffee. I would often go back out to my tent without a towel to get dressed. Allowing the fresh air to hit my semi-wet skin , and finish drying in the open air was the best feeling! Often I would stop and gather my clothes from the dryer on my way out. I gained a lot of naked freedom living there. I do not know if anyone ever saw me naked, because nobody ever said a word, and I never asked. I imagine, if they saw me, they just politely looked away, and accepted it for what it was. I never attempted to hang out to purposely be seen. I did not hide, but my purpose was to enjoy life unashamedly naked, not be an exhibitionist. I did learn to be unashamed naked. It felt great! I was gaining a freedom I had lost 24 years ago!
That fall, was when I moved Portland, Oregon again, into the garage at Cara’s house. It was actually Cara’s Mom’s house. Cara, Sammy, and I were all her roommates. The garage had an outside door, instead of an entrance through the house. That was where I lived. It was mostly my bedroom. I used the house for kitchen, laundry, and bathroom.
I had told Cara about my excitement over finding naked freedom again. She was totally accepting, and encouraging of my joy, freedom, and said I could be naked anytime I wanted. Her mother frightened me a bit, though. Her mother always made remarks that made me believe she wanted to jump me, and have sex if she were to see me naked. That made me a tad nervous. While Cara insisted she was fine, and would not have any issues if she saw me naked, she was not very convincing. I made sure to tell her where, and when I would be nekkid, and it seemed she made sure to never be around at those times, or would not go where I might be naked.
Cara and I always chatted, and we enjoyed each other’s company. We were not exactly shy about much around each other… except when it came to naked. We both had hang-ups about that. As much as we both discussed how it would not matter, and how open we were about almost everything, we still, for whatever reason still mostly hid ourselves from each other. I went about my freedom pretty much the same as I did at Jodee’s house in the country. As a general rule, in the evening while others were still up around the house, I did not purposely go naked through the house. Cara always took advantage of that time, and would stop me to hang, and chat before I got a chance to strip once coming home. She almost never went out to the garage, because I believed she wanted to be sure she did not stumble upon me naked. It was no secret that I would come and go from the garage to the house without any clothes. My bathroom was just inside the back door.
The laundry room was also right there. I often did my laundry, or went into the bathroom without any clothes, and often I could hear others in the house, but they did not come around to see what I was up to. This also led me to believe she purposely avoided seeing me naked. Her mother seemed to hide in the other part of the house most of the time, so I quickly forgot about her scaring me while I was naked. My bathroom did not have a shower. I shared Cara’s for showering. It was through the kitchen, past the living room, and between the two rooms Cara and Sammy used. I was usually up in the morning way earlier than anyone else, so I never wore clothes in the morning. For whatever reason, when I was in the shower, Cara often got up (or more appropriately seemed to sleepwalk) to use the bathroom. She almost always went to use my toilet. Once in a while when I was heading out of the shower, we would pass while I was naked. She would give me a sleepy hug, and go back to bed. Perhaps it was dark enough, or she was so sleepy she never seemed to notice.
One of my greatest joys was to watch the stars before going to sleep. I always did this naked. Cara would never come out and join me. Again, I believed this was because while she said naked was OK, it really was not. During the winter, I continued to explore my naked freedom, and often would go outside in the freezing temperatures for the exhilaration, then retreat to the heaters in my garage.
After the winter had passed, I was hardly ever hiding my nakedness, but I noticed Cara was making sure she was never where I might be. I felt my nakedness was pushing Cara away. She insisted it was not. I could not live her life, I needed to live mine. If she insisted naked was not a problem, I had to trust her. As spring came around, and the weather warmed I found great pleasure in being in the yard as much as possible naked. Some of the neighbors saw me, and would chat. I especially loved to garden naked.
I had a good garden there. The neighbors behind us tended their garden while I tended mine. Both he, and his wife never even seemed to notice I was naked. They often saw me coming and going between the house and garage, and occasionally would join me around my fire. Other neighbors saw me, and would say hi, but nothing else. Also in the spring, my work schedule changed, and I was suddenly home more in the late morning, and afternoon. This meant that I was not guaranteed to be the only one up and around the house, like I had in the early morning hours. I continued my freedom without worry of what time of day it was. For whatever reason, our paths never crossed while I was naked. I had a fire pit in the back yard, and once darkness fell, I would often be without clothes near the fire. Cara would hang out until dark, and then go inside with the reason of having to take Sammy in for the night. That was a totally valid reason, but also seemed like a good reason to make sure she did not see me naked.
As early summer came around, I got in the habit of lying in the sun while napping naked before work. I often would stay out there for hours, before going in to shower for work. This was also the best time to get my laundry done. (For some odd reason, all my life doing laundry while naked was something I really enjoyed. I often did it secretly at many apartment laundry rooms.) I could start a load, go lay in the yard, go back inside to transfer it to the dryer, go back out again. When I would go in to shower before work, my clothes were dry, and I would get dressed right there at the dryer. I often would make my breakfast, or my lunch while naked. I had (almost) total naked freedom.
As I grew, and explored freedom over the past year, I found plenty of places all over the greater Portland metro area where I could enjoy naked freedom. I was never trying to place myself where I would be seen, or be considered an exhibitionist. (Simply naked is not illegal. Exhibitionism is illegal, because you are attempting to attract attention for being naked.) I knew the laws, and what was acceptable, and what was not. I do not ever do anything that could possibly land me in jail. As summer came, I had gotten comfortable hiking, and enjoying the local rivers. I could skinny dip without fear of being seen.
I could hike, and totally enjoy almost anything I liked to do while naked. I got to know the marine patrol sheriff, because I was always near the rivers, and he assured me I was fully within the law, and had nothing to worry about.
I found that the past year was both the most rewarding, and at the same time the most difficult. I was learning new-again freedoms, but in order to learn these, I had to knock down life-long barriers every single step of the way. Every single time someone would see me, it was total fear, and all the “what-ifs would boil-up again…. For a brief moment. It was always a matter of seeing how the other person would react that would determine if it was ok. I always made a habit of greeting the other person, or people with a smile, a wave, and if they were close enough to hear, a friendly ‘Hello’. I was completely amazed at how accepting people were. This acceptance was not limited to any gender, any age, or even any race, or sexual orientation. I was simply accepted as a naked human. I was finding my freedom again! I Never had one single incident where someone made me wish I had not been naked. Because I did not act like I was doing something wrong, and accepted it for myself, others accepted it, too. Almost all of the seemingly impossible barriers had been knocked down. I say almost, because
one of those barriers was the issue of naked in front of those you know, and see every day. To know it would be alright was not a guarantee. To know it would not freak out your best friend was a gamble.
As the summer wore on, I found it weird that I could be naked so much of the time, and never see Cara. Often she was home, but had her door closed. I often wondered if she did see me while I was in the yard, or doing laundry, but never said a word. The same was true with her mom. I wondered.
This brings us back to where I started this story.
I told Cara, “If You Just Take It Off, It Would Be Easier.” She Was heading in with Sammy to get some juice. As she went in the door, she looked over shoulder with a huge grin, and said to me, “If You Just Take It Off, It Would Be Easier.” Then she paused, looked at me again, and with her most playful, challenging grin ever, she said, “I don’t see you out here naked.” And Proud of her retort, and challenge at the same time, turned and went inside to get the juice.
Easy Answer, Right?
I hesitated only half a second. One of the things Cara and I had with each other was the ability to know when to call one another’s bluff, and also to know when to act on that bluff. She clearly meant it this time.
It was now or never. There was no half-way, or even a chance to second-think it. My shorts came off. I rolled onto my stomach just to play it safe. It was less than a minute she was inside. Her and Sammy came back outside. I WAS SCARED TO DEATH!! I was actually shaking from the fear of what the reaction would be. I made sure I was lying flat, and not looking her direction. I could tell from her laugh that she was a bit shocked. I asked if it was ok. She started to relax, and started giggling. I looked her way to see how she was taking it. She said she asked for it, and REALLY DID expect me to be naked when she came back out, but for some reason it shocked, and embarrassed her. I asked if she wanted me to cover up. She would not look at me, but was still laughing, and I could tell she was embarrassed, but she said I was fine like that. I told her how nervous I was, and scared, too! She occasionally looked my way, but would not look directly at me, or especially toward my naked butt. Sammy was another story. Sammy was what broke the ice, and got Cara and Me to both relax, and just laugh. Sammy was almost two, and had never before seen a naked male. I was lying on my stomach, but Sammy was right there by my butt trying to see what that thing was between my legs on the towel. Gotta love the uninhibited curiosities of a child!
( I discuss the natural curiosities of children in this blog:
http://enterwithanopenmindorclosedeyes.blogspot.com/2011/09/no-you-can-touch-it.html
Cara had to get out of her chair and distract Sammy somehow. I asked Cara if she minded at all, or if she did not want Sammy to see me. She was now pretty relaxed, and we talked about the curiosities, and that she wanted Sammy to learn things in a safe manner, such as this, rather than later once it was too late, or in an unsafe environment. Sammy lost interest after a few minutes. She had seen all she wanted, and moved on.
We were all relaxed again in about a half-hour. I knew I would burn my butt if I stayed like this. I asked Cara if she would object if I rolled over so I would not get burned.
She was calm, and said it was ok. Once I was on my back, Cara was again red, and would not look at me for a while. Sammy was suddenly curious again. She was wanting to see what that thing was! Cara took her away a couple times, but it did no good. We were going to have to find a different approach, or take Sammy inside. That would not be fair to her. I sat up, and talked to Sammy about anything under the sun. She was always my backyard adventurer. I always taught her to look under rocks for critters, and to watch bugs, and look at leaves, and not step on the flowers. She liked to learn from me. Today was no different. She stood there, and talked, and listened, only occasionally looking at the thing down there. Cara was giggling, but trying to hide it from Sammy. One time while she was looking I explained the no touching rule. Told her it was ok to look, but not nice to look for a long time, and she could not touch. She understood that, looked a little more, then went off to play again. I then laid back and relaxed again.
Cara was giggling, and in the same playful, challenging tone she used when she said “I don’t see you out here naked”, she said, “Do the same rules about looking and touching apply to me, too?” It was my turn to be embarrassed! I rolled over on my stomach again!
The afternoon went by fast, and It was soon time for me to shower and head to work. Cara and Sammy had already gone inside when I headed in for my shower.
After that day, it was back to “normal”. I was naked as much as possible, I never saw anyone else while I was naked. Had I offended her? Or was that just what was needed by both of us? What was left of the summer went by really fast. I never found out. At the end of that July was when I literally ran away from life as I knew it in Oregon. I never knew if I offended her, or if she was ok.
What I discovered, and experienced while traveling across the United States was another level of learning, and discovering new-found freedoms. I eventually settled in Virginia, and got back in contact with Cara. It was sometime during the next year that another friend was scared of seeing me possibly naked, when I got up the courage to ask Cara about that naked afternoon. She did not say much, except “that it really messed with her for a long time.” That was all she would say, and it was clear even that was not easy for her to tell me. I did not press it further.
Soon after that phone call, she started asking me to mail her photos of my adventures. I asked for clarification to be sure I understood. She was happy to see my naked photos. She said her fiancé was open to it, and found it quite humorous, too. She said she had been telling him all about me, and he wanted to know more. I eventually ended up back in Oregon again, and Cara and Sammy were around me all the time while I was naked. They both remembered the rules. They both grinned endlessly.
Perhaps one day, Cara will write her side of this story, and I will know how she felt, and how it affected her. She is still one of my very best friends, ever, and I love, and respect her more than she realizes. I would love to know her thoughts. Even if she never wants to share those thoughts, I will still love her!
Jodee, Holly, Shawna, Aimee, Josh, and Baillie were all around me when I was first learning to be openly naked in 2004, and 2005. I have never heard a thing from any of them about if they ever saw me, or if they even knew. I would love to hear their version if any of them had seen me, or even knew, or even cared. I would love to hear how they perceived it, or how it affected them. (Hint: Jodee, Holly, Shawna, Aimee', Josh, and Baillie.... If any of you read this, and care to tell me how, if at all, any of this affected you, or if you even noticed, I would really love to know... If you wish to say anything at all.)
Hopefully, if you are struggling with life issues, or know someone who is, my writings will help. If baring my soul, along with baring my body helps even one person, in any form, it is worth it. I do not write these for an audience, but I happily share with the hopes that it may help people to possibly understand me a little bit, or in the hopes that someone else going through the same thing might see this, and find comfort. Perhaps ot reaches the one person who really needed a good laugh, and this provided exactly that. Perhaps that one person is conflicted about a toddler who saw them naked. Perhaps you have seen someone naked, and were not sure how to handle it. If my life’s experiences help one person, then that was the purpose I wrote it.
I Hope You have a Safe, and Wonderful Day! Thank You for reading My Blog! Jon ~=:-)
